My mother once told me a story

About the wolves that live inside of us

The good wolf and the bad one

Which one wins?

The one you feed and nurture

All my life the bad wolf has been getting treats

5-star meals

Praises

Rubs on the belly

The bad wolf in return

Has barked out commands

Scratched my face, my heart

Even if the scratches scare friends and family away

I got so used to the bad wolf

I thought it was normal

I was numb from all the pain

The good wolf has starved

There are bald patches on its fur coat

Its bones can only hold him up through so much

And he has become a faint image of what once was

But I don’t want the bad wolf to win

I’m exhausted

I’ve taken on more than I can handle

What was once a pup

Has become a monster

A Beast

A Beast so powerful it can knock me over with a bark

I’m tired of seeing the bad wolf bite and break the people I love

I’m tired of waking up to bite marks on my skin because I always fed it

One day it could be the death of me

I don’t want him to conquer me

I want to strangle his furry neck

And yell at it for all the damage it has caused

See the blood of jealousy, guilt, and mistakes leak from his coat

I want the good wolf win

I want to wake up to his drool on my face

And run outside

Have him meet my friends

And protect them too

I want him to see this

See my sacrifices

I want to play fetch with him

Give him treats

Rub his belly

For protecting me so well

I want to become the good wolf

The bad wolf will not win

I will not let it

It has sucked enough joy, fun, and meaning to my life

It has left scratches on my heart and wound

That leave it bleeding profusely

So Mom, Dad, Siblings, and special friends

I’m sorry

I’m sorry I fed the bad wolf

I’m sorry I played with him when all I did was come out losing

I’m sorry I’ve had him as a pet for 16 years

The scars are on my skin

On my heart

Evidence of my mistakes

But the good wolf has told me to not look at them as mistakes

But instead as lessons

The good wolf will win