I've spent the past two years punishing myself.

Do you think I've paid my price?

I mean, how could I possibly owe you anything now?

But I can't forgive myself.

I don't know how. 

I've asked you to forgive me, but you won't.

Why?

I know I hurt you badly, but God, look in my eyes.

Can't you see I've hurt myself as much as I ever hurt you?

I spend every waking minute praying for forgiveness and every sleeping minute thinking about you.

I beg God to let me go back.

But He said no.

I stand on the balcony and look out at the ocean and wish with everything in my being that I could kiss you on that beach.

Not even kiss you.

Just walk with you, maybe hold your hand.

Hell, I would settle for just seeing you on there under the stars.

So please, won't you forgive me?

I can't punish myself much longer before I break.