Imitation of “The Unknown Citizen”

(To XXXX/ Class of 2016
This Diploma
Is Presented by your High School)

She was found by every teacher to be
One of model performance
And all the conduct “1’s” on her report cards agree,
That, in the mature sense of an elementary word, she was a teacher’s pet,
For in everything she did she strengthened the School Spirit.
Except for Math Classes till the day she graduated
She passed with flying colors,
And satisfied her teachers, mostly AP.
Yet she wasn’t a slacker or exceptionally unique in her ideas.
Her Administrators report she fulfilled her obligations,
(Our report on her Administrators shows it was sound)
And our Guidance Counsellors found
That she was popular with boys, but not too popular.
The Journalism Students insist she wrote features for every paper,
And her reactions to bullying were concerned but uninvolved.
Field Trip Forms taken out in her name proved she had every one notarized.
And her Health record shows she was once in the clinic but left it with an ice-bag.
And our Club Sponsors insist
She was deeply invested in Getting Involved.
And had school supplies prepared as a Good Student should,
Pencils, pens, loose-leaf paper, and infinite binders.
Our yearly surveys reveal
That she held the proper opinions of our school;
She never deviated from norms, whether social, sexual, gender, or class.
Her clothes never showed her thighs or her shoulders,
Which our School Board says is proper etiquette for a student in Florida in summer.
And our teachers are happy to say she always Honored The Prompt.
As she crosses the stage, identical to all the rest,
She ends what we are certain were the best four years of her life.