There was a time I considered you my best friend
I admired you like you were my own personal guardian
Last year came along and everything changed
Now I’m left with flashbacks and bad memories in my brain

You were always too touchy with me and held my heart in your hands
That made your girlfriend hate me but I didn’t understand
It wasn’t my fault and I tried to keep away
Any feelings I had for you had to be erased

I couldn’t be with you and with that I made up my mind
Didn’t change the confusion you gave me all the time
But you didn’t play fair by the smile on your face holding me tight
called me saying you were leaving her the next night

I was a fool to think you’d actually love me
But I guess it was the fact you made it hard to breath
The way all our friends said they could see that look in your eyes
But I guess all it was was a damn lie

For six months you lead me along
And my heart slowly lost the will to be strong
Cause somewhere hopelessly in the back of my mind
I honestly thought you wanted to be mine

But all you did was control me and never let me go
The way you hurt me boosted your ego
I guess seeing someone you swore you love cry
Filled you a sick and disgusting level of pride

Hurling insults at me like bullets and cannonballs
You laughed at your jokes as I tumbled with the fall
Left me hating my appearance and wanting to break the mirror
Over a year has passed and I’m still filled with fear

How’s it make you feel to know you took away my light
That your impulse actions nearly ruined my life
That your mind games and manipulation are the reason I hide
Too afraid to let love inside

Messing up my new relationships with the horror you left
You’d be a criminal if stealing all of someone’s joy was considered theft
They tell me you abused me but that cannot be
How can it be abuse if I thought you loved me?

But love isn’t telling someone they are sick
Because they have problems they don’t know how to deal with
Love isn’t blaming the other person for your sadness
And cutting down their self esteem until they feel worthless

Love isn’t telling them who they can speak to
Simply because you’re afraid they’ll tell your truth
Love isn’t leading someone on for months on end
Leaving their mind left to pretend

No, that isn’t love
And I hope you’re happy because I’ve had enough
You can keep apologizing but you can’t make it okay
You cannot take all this damage away

You cannot take away the nightmares I have each night
That every time a guy looks at me I don’t believe it’s right
Because you told me I was incapable of being loved
You can’t change that I now have issues feeling like I am enough

I did not deserve these scars you gave me
It’s not my fault you felt so out of place you gained joy from seeing me hurting
So quit acting like you did nothing wrong
Cause I want these flashbacks to just be gone

I wish I could tell you to just leave me alone
But it’s not that simple and I don’t know if I want you to go
For some reason I’m clinging on to you
It’s just something my mind loves to do

So excited to just walk away
Once I leave here I will feel safe
But the most painful part of our sick game?
The memories and the destruction will always remain