Circus, Circus | Teen Ink

Circus, Circus

November 28, 2008
By Julia Edelman SILVER, Roslyn, New York
Julia Edelman SILVER, Roslyn, New York
6 articles 11 photos 1 comment

Each day is horribly caustic
My mother has disappeared
I hardly recognize my father

I don’t understand
Cruel and authoritarian men who lie on the radio
Exasperated men banging at our door all the time
Destitute men who are abused and punished
Frightened men who fight and lose their soul
Powerful men who simply desire more power
I need to find something, anything that will give me hope

I run through the streets
The houses and cars I pass a wave of color

Nothing more
My tears are bitter, unwanted
I am suffocating

And suddenly

I am saved
A man gives me a bottle of

Fresh air
Which I greedily accept

I am led into an angelic palace
Where all my problems have finally dissolved
Into pure innocence entwined with genuine happiness
I watch the show, pleased and intrigued
My eyes ready to experience something different and new
Yet the show begins

And I am horribly confused
I have seen this act before
I know all the characters
And worst of all

I know how it ends
I attempt to close my eyes, to have my world
Safe once again, protected
Yet the show continues, painted faces smiling malevolently

Hypocritical and desperate
The tremulous man faces his supposed enemy against his will
Animals cry out in pain

Lashed at violently
The Ring Master
Makes his grand entrance
His audience robotically claps their hands together in fear
The genuine happiness I had once felt
Turned into a feeling of disgusting guilt
Until the happiness

Was simply past
I close my eyes

I close my ears
I still tremble, my entire body aching with pain

It doesn’t end
The show starts again
And I cannot move

I cannot escape
I scream out for help, none hear my call
They are too busy being a part of the show
I uncover my ears

I uncover my eyes
I begin to move and steady myself as I stand on my own feet
I try to leave the show

I am suddenly trapped

I am suffocating

I need air
I look for him
And suddenly I remember
I have my own bottle of fresh air

To drink
I open the bottle quickly
And rest my trembling lips on its mouth
As the air flows into my lungs

And then I realize
I was never truly safe
Never truly sheltered
But leading an ignorant life
Controlled by my own fear and deprivation

My own rights

My own freedom

My own life
Taken away
I needed to fight
Because it is both my obligation
And my duty
To retrieve what is rightfully mine
My hands begin to calm
I look ahead
Attempting the escape of the miserable dungeon
Pushing the painted and frightened faces
Out of my way
I hear them fall
I do not look back

I cannot look back

I run back home
My mother is visible at last
I remember my father’s familiar scent and touch

My fingertips
To his newly shaved face
There is no longer death and hopelessness

Hope is reborn

New and fragile

The world is ever changing

The author's comments:
I was inspired by the struggle of overcoming corruption and the difficulty of looking within oneself to take the first step towards change and revolution. I was also interested in how corruption will take many forms, and sometimes the hardest part is realizing that corruption is in fact existent.

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This article has 1 comment.

on Jan. 12 2009 at 11:36 pm
This is truly amazing, great job!