Heaven's Fourth of July | Teen Ink

Heaven's Fourth of July

April 23, 2011
By WriterGirl33 PLATINUM, Tulsa, Oklahoma
WriterGirl33 PLATINUM, Tulsa, Oklahoma
26 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is better to not speak and let people think you are a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Shooting star, there it goes.
Make a wish fast as lightening.
Do it quick though,
while the sky's still brightening.

Streaming lights here and there.
Mind amazed at so much wonder.
My muscles jump at the sound of thunder.
There goes one more pair.

Only come few times a year.
Meteor showers with great light.
How i wish it was more near.
Surely here to show God's might.

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This article has 1 comment.

on Nov. 28 2011 at 1:10 pm
Helena_Noel BRONZE, Burnt Hills, New York
1 article 0 photos 629 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example's always clear.” -Edgar Guest

I like this, It is very good, and dose wonders with images, but I think it's odd that the rhyme scheme changes every stanza. It's not bad, I just think it needed work. Perhaps if ther were more stanza, it would feel like there was a pattern between the two rhyme schemes you used. I regret to tell you that I'm giving it two stars, but im telling you so you know that you didn't just get that rating from some random person who dosen't care, but one who wants to see you try again with this. It was a good idea, dont give up!