‘She is so pretty’ 

I thought as I sat in the comfy corner of my favorite cafe. I watched the pretty girl order her drink with a soft voice. The cashier told her it would be ready soon and she thanked them heading toward the end of the counter. She leaned against the wall taking a glance at the window behind me before focusing her gaze on the barista making her drink. Her makeup was flawless.

 She looked so pretty.

I stare back into the dead fish eyes of the girl in the mirror. I had done my makeup hoping it would make me feel better. Who would’ve thought all it took was one mean comment for me to fall apart. I wonder if anyone could tell just how much I’ve been sobbing. The only thing doing my makeup did was prove to me that without it I could not possibly look pretty.

“How pretty,”

I murmured, watching a girl strut out of a coffee stop. She pulled her sunglasses down and I heard my friend next to me comment something like “how’d you think she fit all ‘that’ in those pants?” I elbow him in the side. I can’t take my eyes off the girl. 

How pretty.   

“forget it,” I throw on some yoga pants that where to tight for my comfort, a crop top, sunglasses, and the zip up hoodie I’ve been wearing all week before drowning myself in perfume. “Coffee, snacks, wallow in self loathing, sleep” I sigh “walking’s gonna be hard” ‘but I don’t trust myself with the car…’ I look up at the trees and skies “How pretty”    

“Wow she’s really pretty’

I think I might have said that half out loud. I was headed to the frozen aisle of the grocery store to pick up my sad excuse for dinner, When I saw this really pretty person. They look like they just went on a run, she has her hair up in a loose bun.  I take a peek at the basket in her hand, apples, avocados, different types of berries. They must be so healthy. 

And Wow is she pretty.

Finally made it out of the grocery store. I just have a bunch of finger foods, easy stuff to scarf down and it will actually make me feel full. Maybe after I can take a shower, lords know I need one. I’ll just need to cover my mirror. As soon as I close the door to my apartment I flop to the floor. Before I throw my empty coffee cup to the side somewhere I take a good look at it. I think back to the girl I saw carelessly sitting in the cafe corner. The sun was to her back casting a golden halo on her body. 

She looked so pretty…

 I take a seat on my now dusty counter top. I’ll clean it tomorrow. Tomorrow. Didn’t I hear a guy outside the coffee shop say something like ‘see you tomorrow’ He had called it out to a group of friends. The sight of promising to see friends again made me think

 ‘how pretty’.

I think back to the grocery store. I remember seeing someone with brightly colored hair walk into the frozen aisle, I was so jealous. I couldn’t even order fast food and they can start a whole oven by themselves. I sighed landing on my bed with a thud. 

Wow I’m pretty pathetic, aren’t I?