I’ve lost count of the number of times that I have laid awake at night waiting for me to knock out. I don’t know how sloths just sleep whenever they want to. I wish I could be as sleepy as a sloth. But no. Instead I lay in bed thinking about everything and anything. Even after I’ve taken enough sleeping medicine to take out an elephant, nothing seems to work. 

Telling my mom the issue thinking that she’ll help but instead all she says is, “You need to put down that darn phone and close your eyes.” Believe me, I’ve tried. She just doesn’t understand how much of an overthinker I really am. 

So instead I continue to lay there thinking to myself “Do I really have to work tomorrow or am I just seeing things?” Or I wonder how many animals are out there that don’t know humans exist. From thoughts that make sense to have to keep you up like warring about something, to stupid thoughts that shouldn't be there and wouldn’t if I wasn’t trying to fall asleep. Those stupid thoughts are the culprits to why I can never fall asleep at night. 

So some nights I try and go back to the good old method of falling asleep. Counting sheep. It has never worked for me but I still do it some nights. One sheep, two sheep, 3 llamas!? I never stay focused enough on the sheep or forget what I was counting and change the animal. I’ve tried listening to calming music or sounds but they never calm me down, just make me more anxious. 

One thing that I know always helps me sleep better is a stuffed animal that I’ve had since I was one. He’s a little black dog named Boomer and he’s the only thing in my room that I care about. There have been nights when I couldn’t find him so I tore my entire room apart until I did. I always bring him with me if I’m spending the night somewhere else. Because if I don’t then I definitely will not be falling asleep that night. But even with him it still is a struggle. 

One thing is for certain is that if my room is even the slightest bit warm I will not fall asleep. I like my room freezing like the arctic and then wrapping myself with a bunch of blankets. I don’t know how people sleep with their rooms warm. I like it cold and then complain that it’s too cold,, but when told to change the temperature I refuse to. When the room is cold then you have an excuse to use all the blankets in the house. Because when lying there wrapped up in blankets it feels like a soft bear is holding you keeping you warm and safe. 

From putting down my phone and closing my eyes to counting sheep or llamas, nothing I do makes it easier for me to fall asleep unless I have been awake for more than 24 hours.