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A letter to love
April 15, 2009
You told me you need me
That was such a lie
I gave you the best that I could
You swear to be true
Don't make me laugh
You're to greedy just to be with one man
Just give me some space
That's the least you can do
Give me some time to think things through
You swore that you love me
Now is that the truth?
I need to see some proof
Will you even miss me?
I don't think you care
You just like all the things I give you my dear
I think it's time for me to leave
Our show must not go on
Farwell love
© Ariel L., New York, NY
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 11 comments.
RachelEliza PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 27 2009 at 1:59 am
i would definately say this is a very realistic piece.
the ending stopped alittle too suddenly, but from reading comments i can tell this is a work in progress. itll be an amzing song someday though, i already have a rhythm for it just by reading...
the ending stopped alittle too suddenly, but from reading comments i can tell this is a work in progress. itll be an amzing song someday though, i already have a rhythm for it just by reading...
soccerpsycho49 PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 1 2009 at 2:14 am
u shud def be a songwriter when u grow up. im also writing a song but as good. luk at my work- Still Holdng
dirtbiker2012 SILVER said...
on May. 21 2009 at 2:29 pm
yes i do agree!!!! :D
Jessie4736 said...
on May. 18 2009 at 11:46 pm
craz ygood :] i like ur such a sweet heart to hurt
dirtbiker2012 SILVER said...
on May. 18 2009 at 12:03 am
Thankz for my comment!! Ya I love this poem! I hope you can be a professional song writer wen u get older! Good luck w/ the future!!!!
MeghanMichelle GOLD said...
on May. 17 2009 at 1:11 am
Great song. You have real talent.
Hey! I'd love to somehow hear you sing your music... I'm sure it would sound amazing!
If I were you, I would add some more about what she did that you are writing about - and when you do, add concrete imagery and not so much of the narrator's feelings - if you describe the scene clearly, the reader will feel that he/she is actually in the scene, and will be able to relate. Show, don't tell.
Great! I posted something new also, and i'm just waiting for it to go on (it's been 2 weeks, so that should be any day).
If I were you, I would add some more about what she did that you are writing about - and when you do, add concrete imagery and not so much of the narrator's feelings - if you describe the scene clearly, the reader will feel that he/she is actually in the scene, and will be able to relate. Show, don't tell.
Great! I posted something new also, and i'm just waiting for it to go on (it's been 2 weeks, so that should be any day).
13 articles 0 photos 127 comments
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