Disclaimer. This article may be triggering to people who are triggered by multiple mentions of rape and sexual abuse. There will be no explicit detail mentioned, but better be safe than sorry. Thank you. 

As a young female, I have had my fair share of talks about how to dress, and when not to go out, and how to recognize warning signs, and I've even been taught how to defend myself from attacks a few times (I had a short spell in martial arts, don't ask). So much so that I began to notice a pattern. The lectures were as rehearsed as the talks you get as a young child about strangers, except only girls experience the things I have mentioned.

It seems every other week something else gets invented to help you defend yourself "Yes for just £50 you can get a piece of equiptment that will in no way prevent you from someone trying to rape you, but may help you escape providing that you have quick enough reflexes, aren't drunk and aren't being held at knife/gun point. Never feel scared again, you have ways to defend yourself, you have no excuse to get raped.." No. Just stop right there. I mean, yeah, it's great that we can defend ourselves in some situations for a pretty ridiculous amount of money, and... the developers had good intentions I guess but... surely none of this helps people overcome the guilt and shame they feel at not gettibg out of the situation? Surely all these devices can't do anything to combat the stigma and "well you should have fought more" attitude that too many people have, and often the worse culprits of that horrible attitude are the police. In short thanks but no thanks, that won't help. But let me tell you what might. 

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but do guys ever get talked to about this? Even in school it always seems like all they get is a "be nice now" and that's it, whereas girls are made to feel like they have sole responsibility. "What should Susy have done?" no there's a common question. Here's a better thing to ask at the end of your little story about a girl getting raped, "what should David NOT have done?". Now I know that it could be difficult to approach the subject without sounding like you are accusing people, but both parents and tecahers have a responsibility and a duty to teach children and teenagers the basic morales of civilised society, and they never seem to have a problem any other time. 

One more point. Do guys ever get taugh this sort of stuff about keeping safe? Because don't get me wrong, that should continue to some extent. Maybe tone it down a little. It's ridiclous to expect women to cover up for the sake of men, and it's ridiculous to pretend that men are incapable of self-control when we all know that they are. But one thing to remember in all of this. Men get raped and sexually assaulted as well (which really throws the covering yourself up issue out of the window doesn't it, I highly doubt that there are many guys that where mini skirts and tube tops, not saying there are none, they are just a minority) so why don't we give them the talks about not walking alone after 10 at night and speeding up if anyone with an adams apple comes within 100 meters. Is it because we consider them strong? Well there's a way to make male victims feel like it's their fault, well done society. 

In short, it's sickening how lightly the subject of rape is dealt with, and how horrendously unfair the blame game is. It's not the victims fault in a murder (well they shouldn't be walking alone at that tme of night anyway. There was a clear patch of skin for the knife to enter, maybe they wanted it.) . It isn't the victims fault in a robbery (well they shouldn't have had such a thin door should they,it was too easy to get in. They didn't try very hard to prevent it did they. They were asking for it.) That window was huge, it was all on display, someone had to take it).

We need to take the responsiblity out of the potential victims hands and place it in everyones hands. The rapist is always to blame. No we need to make sure that everyone knows that, and I mean actually knows that. All men will tell you that rape is bad. But only so many will tell you that it is wrong to force someone to have sex with them, or progress further in sex than their partner might wish. It's time to change that.