This is the only time I judge myself: I am alone, probably sitting in my bedroom. I am particularly not doing anything. And as I sit, I subconsciously imagine a group of people that do not necessarily have prominent roles in my life like sport coaches or “popular” kids. These people sit like a panel of judges on some drawn-out, over-hyped singing talent show. They constantly critique whatever it is I have done that day, make comments about the way I look, or compare me to other people. It is almost always flaws that they pick out and then proceed to harass me with my flaws. They’re like the horrible teenagers every comedian says he or she is afraid of. Now, this doesn’t happen to me everyday, or every week for that matter, but whenever it does happen it always ends the same way. I realize that these people are made-up projections of how I view myself and of how I think other people view me, so I, unsuccessfully, try my best to forget about whatever they said and move on with my life. But I can never get over it, my thoughts throughout the day always circulate back to how I judge myself.

Everyone judges themselves. Some think they are ugly. Some think they are too dumb. Some people think they aren’t important. The problem everyone does when they judge themselves, myself included, is that they judge themselves based on how they compare to other people. The only thing this way of judging yourself brings out is disappointment because if you compare yourself to other people, you will be caught up in an endless cycle of trying to demonstrate that you’re the best.

This can be seen at any institution with a hierarchy based on intellect. Whether it a school or a newspaper, people in these situations are always trying to show you how good they are. Whenever I get any kind assessment back, I am curious to see who got the best grade. I then start thinking: why I didn’t get the best grade? What do people think of me? Do they think I’m not smart?

Instead of focusing myself on getting a better grade next time, I devote myself to not appearing stupid. I end up spending more time on proving to other people that I have no flaws than spend time proving to myself that I can improve my flaws. What this complex creates is a person who is completely unaware of oneself and does everything for other people. It’s like if you took a nail and sawed off the head of the nail and sent it down a never ending spiral tube. The nail’s only purpose is to exist and to conform to the path of the tube.

This was a factor during the civil rights movement. The blacks were fed up doing everything for other people. They knew the only way to improve was to love themselves for who they were and to not let anyone take that away from them. As Malcolm “X” puts it “Who taught you to hate the color of your skin? Who taught you to hate the shape of your nose and the shape of your lips? Who taught you to hate your own kind? Who taught you to hate the race that you belong to so much so that you don’t want to be around each other?”


Nevertheless, self-judgment can be a good thing. When you compare yourself to yourself, you create an endless cycle of improvement and happiness. By trying to beat your previous self in any task you can clearly measure your progress and be self-aware of your strengths and weaknesses.

There are two ways to judge yourself and improve. You can compare yourself to others or you can compare yourself to yourself. One way leads a life of being a slave to your perception of how others view you and the other way leads a life of self-awareness.