Makeup was invented when humankind fell from grace. Scholars and clergy omitted that part of the Bible. They didn't seem to think it important. But I guarantee it is, especially to us ladies. You see, both Adam and Eve gained the knowledge of Good and Evil, but it was just Eve who gained the knowledge of Pretty and Not-Pretty. One day Eve caught her reflection in the river after the apple incident and saw for the first time just how Not-Pretty she was. By applying juices from berries to her cheeks and the coal from the fire to her eyelashes, she did what any sensible woman would do, and tried to “make up” for her Not-Prettiness. Seeing their enhanced mother, all of her daughters, driven by survival of the prettiest, felt the need to do their makeup to hide their Not-Prettiness. Eventually, her daughters and their daughters and their daughters did too, making it so every woman to follow is afflicted with the desire to apply makeup and make up for their flaws.
But I believe each woman should fight. Fight the deeply-rooted makeup urges within her and put down the lipstick before it’s too late. You see, when a woman decides to do her makeup, a new side of her is seen, one that's on a desperate quest to rid herself of the Not-Pretty. In the presence of makeup, a woman develops the precise ability to find every “flaw” and the great desire to “fix” each one. Unfortunately, a woman’s ability to find flaws is much greater than her ability to fix them, and before you know it, she’s swept up by what can only be described as a whirlwind of shimmer and smudged eyeliner.
I remember the last time this happened to me. It was the day of my senior prom. I wandered into my local department store the morning of the event and found my way over to the makeup counter, where I met my not-so-fresh-faced “makeup artist.” Now, I don’t know what qualifications come with that title, but they were not apparent when her masterpiece – my face – was done. She kept saying things like “dramatic eyebrows” while she attacked me with her arsenal of brushes. After a good hour of being poked, prodded, tweezed, and plumped, I walked away from the counter smelling like cheap plastic and with a face only a pageant mother could love. The rest of the night consisted of altering my look to a slightly more human appearance by rubbing off what she called “bold lipstick” and trying to tame all the damn glitter which, by nights end, found its way to my hair, my hands, my dress, my shoes, my date, and I’m sure, even today, still lingers on my upper eyelids.

Most women have had a similar traumatizing experience, but some succumb to the Not-Pretty every day. They sit in front of the mirror every day and apply all sorts of creams, powders, gels, and liquids to their face. They read magazines that try to sell them new creams, powders, gels, and liquids that promise to combat the Not-Pretty more than the creams, powders, gels, and liquids they already have. They see the Pretty models, with faces like airbrushed angels, and they want to be just like them. So they give in. They give in to the advertisements and promises and the airbrushing and photo shopping. They buy more and more, until they’re up to their dolled-up heads in products. But alas, never satisfied is the woman who wishes to cure her Not-Pretty, and it’s only a matter of time until a new advertisement has convinced her that she needs more. There is no cure for the Not-Pretty.

Is there ever a victor in this makeup battle? Perhaps it’s the CEOs of the makeup companies who make their money preying on the Not-Prettiness of innocent women. After all, it’s not these women’s fault that they need more and more – it’s in their nature. Or perhaps, the victors are the “makeup artists” of the world who spend their days creating “art” while doing a “service” to the Not-Pretty community, consisting largely of girls going to prom, spreading the makeup gospel to them at a young age. One thing is for sure, no woman is better off after she has fallen into the makeup-doing ways.

So ladies, turn back. Put down the lipstick. Don’t buy that new mascara. You’ll be better off for it, I swear. You may feel Not-Pretty now, but I guarantee that with a full face of makeup you’ll feel it even more. It may take time before the urge to cover your face in products subsides, but eventually it will. You’ll step away from the makeup and you’ll realize what you didn't see before, that you were born naturally Pretty, and there’s no use in using makeup to cover it up.