No body gets me. My way of thinking, my thoughts, my feelings, or even my actions taken. When I try to explain something, it either turns out wrong and they get the wrong thing, or it turns out right and they don't get it. Like when I told my best friend I'm going out with a guy I met online and I haven't met in real life, she didn't get it. Most of these things are things where you have to be there to understand.
But ever since I somehow got the reputation of always being happy and smily, I can't seem to find the right people to rant to. You see, most of the time, I either have no feeling what so ever for something, or I have so much feeling built in me that I just can't find the words to explain it.
No one gets what I've been through. I've been through a parent dying, a sibling running away, the same sibling threatening to kill himself, my old crush's mom commiting suicide (he is now my 2nd best friend), my old best friend moving away and promissing she'll never change and yet she does, my current best friend moving, my dad not even being alive for the two most important days of my life, my Bat Mitzvah and when ever my wedding will be, and so much more. But yet, everyone still expects me to be all smiley and happy. How can they expect that? I mean, I know there are tons of people who have it worse then me, but I just don't get it.
I don't get my life, I don't get the people who make up my life. I don't get anything it seems like. It seems as if the only way to vent and rant like this is to tell it to people who don't know me at all. Just so they wont judge me, or try to change me. I like who I am, but not anything about me. Do you get that? If you don't then think about it for a while.
I mean, I may be all smiley on the outside, but on the inside I'm just as broken as an extreme emo, like a colapsed house. All I wish is for a fresh start, and only keep select people in my life.