Living as Lolita…
I feel frustration lodge in me so deeply every time I think of a young girl believing she is in a romantic relationship with a man, convinced she is mature enough for a man to pick her over all the women he could’ve chosen. As if there was something so enticing in being a man, as if virility meant power and control.
For decades, manhood has been thought as a Venn diagram of money, sex and power. Vulnerability, on the other hand, was considered a weakness. That’s why men prey on young girls; they are considered more vulnerable. This is not to justify the behaviour of men, but to go with the narrative they choose to follow.
Now, men are coming forward with their emotions more often than before. We see men crying in the streets, devoting their lives to their kids and families, showing signs of affection. By doing that, manhood is being redefined.
While we see progress, toxic masculinity is far from being eradicated. Unfortunately, the idea of toughness being associated with manhood and the act of expressing emotions being associated with femininity has been ingrained in our male-dominant society, especially here in the Middle East. Most Middle-Eastern men are considered to be the protectors of their families, making it difficult for the females to impose themselves and be seen as their own person rather than as a wife or a daughter.
As much as I hate to say it, stereotypes have had a lasting effect on young girls today. The way they view men is contorted into a false idealization. They may seem like the ideal financially independent, charming and educated men, but the reality is far from that. It is intrinsically wrong for an adult man to sexually approach a 13 year-old girl no matter what the propensities are. In the 2020 memoir Being Lolita by Allison Wood, the author tells her story as a student getting lured into a relationship with her English teacher, thinking it was love. Her teacher, Mr North, was taking advantage of her vulnerable nature, her desire to find a sense of power. Later on, the author realized that it was an abusive relationship and that she had to rewrite her story and find her own truth.
Discussing pedophilia is challenging as it can make or break our perception of consent. How do we define consent? Where do the lines get blurry? The problem of consent is debatable among teens, adults and even movie producers. 365 Days, for example, is a movie that has been slammed by critics for glorifying sex trafficking and manipulation. In the movie, the male protagonist repeatedly touches the woman without her consent and moves on to have sex with her with no indication that it was consensual. Duffy, the singer, shared in an open letter published by Deadline: “To anyone who may exclaim ‘it is just a movie’, it is not ‘just’, when it has great influence to distort a subject which is widely undiscussed, such as sex trafficking and kidnapping, by making the subject erotic.”
Here in Lebanon, young girls are encouraged to be more outspoken in sharing their stories and encounters with older men. Instagram accounts like “pervsoflebanon” are exposing paedophiles exploiting young girls and organizations like Himaya are doing their part in protecting kids from sexual abuse, be it verbal or physical.
Part of the reason why our society faces such challenges is that everything is learned from the dominant patriarchal perspective. However, young women are now coming to the realization that their voice not only matters, but is also solicited in order to start discussing taboo subjects and uplifting other women.
As a young woman myself, I feel empowered to hear about other women standing up for each other against any form of sexual abuse and discussing issues such as sex, pleasure, consent and exploitation.
Lolita’s story has to be rewritten, but it doesn’t have to be repeated.

References:
wired.co.uk/article/what-does-being-a-man-mean-anyway
google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2019/01/22/us/toxic-masculinity.amp.html
google.com/amp/s/www.washingtonpost.com/arts-entertainment/2020/07/09/365-days-netflix-controversy/%3foutputType=amp