When I was young, I always learned that we have to take every step of the way to do everything, and it is true that only in this way can we better ourselves. When I was a child, I felt that everyone was the same, and the world was really simple. When I was young, there would be people I didn't like, and I secretly thought that I would not be a person like that when I grew up. But it's ironic that when I grew up I became what I hated.

When I was young, I always felt that taking shortcuts was very bad, and I felt that we should do everything step by step. But after growing up learning that we can take huge shortcuts to get everything we want is very unfair to the same people who do it step by step. But 

This way, short efforts, and simple work can get others several times the effort to get things, this is not fair. After growing up, I took advantage of a lot of things, and it was not just me but everybody. This is really a very humiliating thing in my heart, but I can't stop using this method. Sometimes when I encounter a problem that I can't think of, I will ask the teacher or search the Internet to do the problem process. I can only say that getting the same result in less time is very attractive.

Self-deception is a way of escaping from reality, from the self. When we are facing difficulties, in health, finance, learning, and so on, we all want to find a simpler solution. This simple solution gives you a quick sense of comfort in the short term, but it won't solve the problem at all. Lying to ourselves only makes us feel that life is easier, but it only postpones the inevitable difficulties in life. Similarly social media, ephemeral friends, video games, drugs, etc, people like to get a short-term high from these. I admit, I am one of them. Every day watch videos, tiktok to escape reality, this infinite short happiness lets us forget the troubles, forget what real life should be like. But all the while, they exploit our long-term happiness. What I hate most is that I clearly understand this so-called truth, but I still can't control myself. I write 'Focus on myself' on my water bottle. I listen to motivational speeches every morning, and I make plans for each day, but very few of them are actually followed through.

What's even harder to accept is that I often protect my pride, and I refuse to accept those mistakes. I may pretend to be fine, but inside me was just a mess. We rarely have the opportunity to reveal and stand in front of the mirror and see who we really are, not just me, most people don't have that courage.

One of my favorite quotes from Roman Rolland is “True heroism is when you recognize life for what it is and still love it.” All I'm saying is, may I find out who I am and still love my life, a more meaningful, healthier life.