What if I was a valedictorian? I know reading that question, there is a possibility that you are wondering, what is going on inside her head? That’s exactly what I’m trying to figure out, what is inside the mind of a valedictorian. A valedictorian is a special type of person, with traits that many possess but only some utilize. I’ve always admired people with a strong work ethic, and I am fascinated by those who excel in school. They aren’t special people, they aren’t celebrities, they aren’t God, but as a student myself, I wonder what sets these people apart from the rest of their student body. Is there a pressure cooker inside their heads setting high standards for themselves, or do academics just come naturally to some people?

I know that the textbook Merriam Webster definition of a Valedictorian will easily tell me, “the student usually having the highest rank in a graduating class who delivers the valedictory address at the commencement exercises.” But there is so much more to that, students are not just one-dimensional characters that rank high and deliver speeches. This definition doesn’t account for the tears shed over a small quiz, or the hours of sleep lost as these students are feverishly flipping through the pages of their notebooks. It doesn’t account for waking up at the crack of dawn to crack open a notebook. 

However, this definition also doesn’t account for laxness. For the dismissiveness of the students that just naturally grasp things. For the students that do get 8 hours of sleep, and if they don’t, they spend those hours partying it up. Whatever it be, so many students fall into that spectrum of “valedictorian-ness”. As shallow as it may seem, I can’t help but wonder (especially as an Asian student- if you know you know) where I fall on that spectrum. 

 Everyone has different motivations, and honestly, I wonder what my motivations are as a student overall. It may seem shallow, but it’s never pretentious to evaluate yourself as a person and others from a healthy distance. As a sophomore going into high school, I want to know what are the feelings that culminate over 4 years in these types of people. What is it? Are there some students that just have a burning passion for learning, and along the way they “accidentally” get valedictorian? Are there students who grew up always curious about something, and that cultivated into academic success in school? Or are there students that deliberately work towards being a valedictorian? People who study just for the title. People who slog away for 4 years just to be able to give a speech at their graduation. There must be something more for those people because I know for a fact there are people that learn for the joy of it and people that grind for the rank. 

I’ve mentioned myself many times in this essay, I mean, after all, it is my essay and there’s no harm in a little self-promotion. So I will give my honest thoughts about my motivations and thoughts regarding school. I never grew up “gifted”. If you ask my mom, she’ll tell you I’m the most brilliant child she’s ever seen, as every parent does with their kid. If you ask my dad, he’ll tell you my peak was when I was 4 years old (jokingly of course). But if you ask me, I’ll tell you that my brain is not crafted by God’s hands. I’ll tell you that I’m just like anyone else. In my elementary school, children were already getting judged for their academic skills, from as little as 6 years old. I understand not wanting to have a toddler that has rocks for brains, but people were already getting judged for their grades. I didn’t pick things up very fast, at all. My biggest vice was not reading the question on my tests (which is funny because I also have a problem where I talk more than I listen- write more than I read? Maybe they are correlated?) As I grew up, my retention started improving, and hey, my Asian parents were very satisfied with my report cards by the time I got to middle school. All that being said, I was not the valedictorian of my old school, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t sacrifice so much to get validation from pieces of paper. 

I spent so much of my elementary trying to keep up, missing birthday parties and playdates to sit at the dining table with my mom as she tried to explain chapters over chapters to me. But I wasn’t some miserable kid, I still had fun and went out. During middle school, I spent hours of the early morning studying for my tests, and by early morning I mean 1 a.m. So did many of my friends, I guess you could say we were all after the same validation from our grades and teachers. We would all spend our entire lunchtime studying together if we had a test the next period. We would all walk with our heads buried in our notebooks minutes before we walked into the classroom where we thought our “fate” would be determined. But afterward, it was like it didn’t even matter, and we were all trying to make the best out of our middle school experiences.

Some students at my old school had been incredibly academically gifted. You would think that their parents were taking their tests for them. But no, they had just been enrolled in special programs when they were younger. But man did it take them a long way. It just makes me think though that was by the push and force of their parents, or would a child voluntarily sign up for an extra math program out of school? Are those the types of kids that become valedictorians? Some kids didn’t sign up for those programs, but somehow still ended up like that, and you could tell that was through pure curiosity. Then there were kids like me that were no doubt doing well, but no extra after-school initiative was taken to do more than I was taught in school. I wouldn’t say that I’m a less curious learner because of it, but it is easier for me to have a structure in which I am taught something rather than have to learn something with no help, and that’s not a bad thing at all. The last group of people at my school were people that were honestly just too creative for a classroom and didn’t revolve their life around school, which is another type of fascinating group of people that I can write another essay about. 

Going into high school, I’ve met so many different types of students. Students that want to make a difference in the world, students that are philanthropic and creative. Students that are artistic and can create wonders with one pencil. Students that are interested in the history of our Earth, and students that couldn't care less about the history but are fascinated by the physics of it. Students can entertain themselves all day if they were alone with just one instrument. Students that can tell the pitch of a noise miles away from them. Students that have been studying since they were kids to get good grades. A valedictorian can fall into any of these categories and more, and I guess after all of that- as long as they meet the criteria of “the student usually having the highest rank in a graduating class who delivers the valedictory address at the commencement exercises,” then their mission is accomplished.

After all of those 4 years, I wonder what goes on in the mind of a valedictorian while they are being titled that. Can they even process it, I mean they have to process that on top of the fact that they just graduated and are moving on to an insane new chapter of their life. What is it like up there, when you have to give a speech with hundreds if not thousands of people watching you? How do you even prepare for that moment? Is that an “I made it” moment, or is it just another speech that you give before you officially leave high school? Is your heart racing when you’re up there on the podium, or are you left unfazed? 

I don’t know what being valedictorian does for one’s future, or if it matters in the long run at all. But I’m never going to take away the surrealness of that moment for someone because there are more than 4 years of schooling and growing that go into that. There is so much more to a person than what they give to their school or what their favorite subject is. I just wondered what goes on in the mind of a student, especially a valedictorian.