High school is supposed to be the time of your life. You can be whomever you want and join different clubs and organizations as well as meet new people. High school is definitely what changes you in small ways to prepare you for the real world, and the big changes. 

Freshman year, I joined beginners' orchestra and pep squad while being in dance class outside of school. I started off this new year in a relationship, which ended October 2015. I was so broken and thought I was unlovable and not capable of loving anyone else but that person. I toyed around with the concept of dating; I dated a few friends. Those relationships didn't last but a week or two. In January of 2016, I met with my childhood friend and we started dating; even though he lived in Colorado and I lived in Texas. We barely talked, which made the whole dating thing difficult. He was incredibly sweet to me and the night we had was one of the most romantic nights of my life, even though it was when we started dating. I remember it as if it was yesterday; we walked down to the creek by his grandma's house, we danced to the music on his phone- which he held in his mouth, he let me borrow his jacket, and we looked up at the stars. That night was something else, and is probably why I have such high standards in relationships. But, I ended the relationship because of the distance and lack of communication. Next was a guy two years older than me and was in my orchestra class. We lasted a year and a half, full of ups and downs, break ups and make ups. It was definitely draining on both of us, with our own personal things going on. I always felt like I was the issue for why relationships with me don't work. However, sometimes I was the issue and felt like I was always the problem in any friendship/relationship. With those feelings of insecurity, I felt like the world would be better without me, like everyone would be happier without me bothering them. I've talked people out of suicide and have lost sleep trying to help others to make sure they were okay. 

During all these high school relationships I became inclined to join clubs and organizations to be a part of something bigger than myself. Junior year I quit orchestra because I was accepted onto the yearbook staff. I became more comfortable in my photography, specifically event photography. I will forever be grateful for the people I've met through the journalism program. This experience ended mid-senior year for different reasons. However, Senior year I put myself out in the open. I ran for vice president of the senior class, reigned as Miss San Antonio under Bella Rose Pageantry,performed "Mama I'm a Big Girl Now" from Hairspray Live in dedication to my yearbook teacher, applied and was accepted into National Honor Society, joined student council, joined and competed at the district and state levels in DECA. I graduated cum laude with regalia from National Honor Society. I was accepted into two universities with one scholarship from each. I feel like I could've done more, but I'm pretty satisfied with all I did acheive and just participated in, in high school. I've met so many wonderful people in my classes, clubs, and even just in the halls. 

If you are a freshman, sophomore, or junior reading this, I want you to take this advice: get involved and take care of business. You are going to be faced with many struggles and set backs. But, they're all lessons to mold you into a better person. You are capable of accomplishing so much if you just apply yourself. If you are feeling like wanting to harm yourself, please don't, it isn't worth it; so many people will miss you and you can acheive so many things if you put your mind to it. High school can help you find yourself, what you like, and who you want to be and who you want to be with. It's going to hurt when it's over, but there is so much good yet to come.