Today marks one year. One year since I left him. What he convinced me was love, I left. Left because somewhere along that road, I realized that I loved me more.  Neglecting his name, position, and income. I was worth much more. If he ever discovered it, I do not know, but I know I did. I gave myself a year. A year before I let someone back into my life that way. Before I trusted anyone with my vulnerability and secrets. I did my best to stay away from them. But I never saw that summer night coming. I never expected him. It’s odd because for the first time in my life, I want him to be in control. I am not taking charge and he's not forcing it off me. I’ve learned to be patient with him. From one day to the next I’ve had a serious of emotions and questions. Ones, that I’ve learned to keep to myself. I’ve found myself breaking down at times. Thinking my past is going to repeat itself.

Today being the day I left though, reminds me that the only way for this to turn into an abusive relationship is if I give him that power. It’s unexplainable, but I feel that my abusive ex-boyfriend prepared for this new relationship. The time that I took gave me time to reflect, to find and love myself. I feel much more mature now. I don’t overreact over the smaller detail and when I find myself over thinking, I take a breath and remind myself he has a life too. It’s okay if I don’t answer right way, he understands I am occupied as well. He doesn’t beat me about it.  With his words and actions he lets me know he loves me. He doesn't just say it when there’s people around. It’s weird that I want to be a better person when I am with him. I want to be a better person overall. I think he’s caused that. I think saying I love him is understatement. I am grateful. He’s shown me that there are still good guys out there. It requires patience and trust. Two things that didn’t exist in me. I wish I could be by his side, but I think that’s what makes it even more real.