that feeling... i take a drag and feel that relief. but only for a second then then pain gets worse. i take a shot of that strong liquor hoping it will help. but i just feel as though that pill will make the pain go away. the pain it may numb but only for a moment. but then it causes pain forever. the pain from those things will never leave you. it remains to hold me in its cell that traps me in this hell of endless pain. the nicotine so sweet as it settles into me it just holds me as though it controls me. that swig of rum makes me feel dumb hoping it will numb the pain. when all theses things i do not need for all they do is hurt me. i need you but you hurt me in the end too. so i guess i will just sit here and wait. for this to end. these endless nights with all these fights. mom please stop yelling. dad put down your fist... i guess i take a drag to make the pain go away again... hopefully this time the effect might last...