Growth | Teen Ink


September 12, 2023
By Anonymous

My greatest accomplishment is that I have learned how to heal, how to grow, how to move on from what isn't with me anymore. The journey to this accomplishment started during the end of my 8th grade school year Covid just hit, everyone was doing E-Learning, and struggling to get work done. I. It was a hard year for me already, from just moving from a school I loved ,to being a new kid again at a whole different school.t was scary. I somehow made it through my 8th grade year without failing, so I was excited but nervous about getting ready to go into high school. The summer before my freshman year, my parents argued constantly, either over small things or things that weren't important, they argued about it. After a month or two, I got used to it. I didn't like it, but I knew there was nothing I could do. My freshmen year was long. Everyone being able to finally come back to school, but having to wear a mask all day and feel like an encaged animal due to the plexi glass that separated everyone's desk. I barely passed that year, struggling in all my classes, having no motivation to get my work done, and sleeping in half my classes. It was hard. I would stay up half the night listening to my parents argue, wondering if there was maybe something I could do to make them stop, but never did. Near the end of my freshman year, I was failing half my classes, and had no way to bring my grades up, luckily due to covid still being bad that year, they passed everyone. Once school was over and summer began, I was so excited for the hot weather, beach trips, pool days, all of the exciting stuff, but not knowing what my summer was really about to be. At first, I was barely home. I stayed away because i didn't want to be around anyone at my house nor did i wanna listen to the arguing and fighting. The times I would come home, I would feel so outta place, like I almost didn't belong there…I started to stay home more, because me and my sister started to get closer, but while we were getting closer, my parents were getting worse. My dad would leave for days because my mom would drive him away and he came back days later, like nothing had happened. At first, it was hard, but then I started to get used to it. My mom started drinking heavily, more and more each day, going through twelve  o twenty-four packs of beer, and there was no stopping her. My sister and I would try to help her or go talk to her, but she just sat there nodding her head, acting like she was listening to us, when really she wasn't. As her drinking continued and got worse, my dad finally had enough and left. He packed his things and left, after all the years of them arguing, him being in and out of jail, and her always calling the cops on him, he threw his hands up and said he was done. I didn't believe him at that moment because it's been like that for years so I figured he would just come back, but after a week, he didn't, and that's when it hit me. It was just me and my sister there with our mom, and that's when things took a toll on themselves. She stopped caring about me and my sister and didn't really care too much about what we did, the only person she cared about was my brother. My brother left with my dad the same night he left, because he didn't want my dad to go alone and didn't wanna be there with her either. For a few months it was just me and my sister. My mom was there but she wasn't really there. We would never see our mom unless she was up drinking a beer, or going over to the neighbor’s for some beer. She would frequently get up once or twice during the day to yell at me and my sister complaining because there were dishes in the sink or the house smelled bad and wasn't clean, so of course me and my sister would get up everyday to make sure the house was clean, but she still found something to complain about. During this time, my dad and brother moved down to North Augusta, where they started staying with my aunt. I wouldn't talk or hear much from them, and when we did talk we would argue. My dad continued to pay the bills where me and my sister were with our mom, until he got to a point he couldn't because he wanted to get his own place. I tried to convince my mom to get up and get a job, to start paying the bills so we have somewhere to stay. She would tell me she would and she wants to but never would. Sometimes my brother would come stay for a weekend, just to see me and my sister. It was always nice seeing him, even though we didn't have a bond like me and my sister did. My sister became my best friend. We were all we had at time’s, and we always stuck by each other's side. Up until that very last night my sister was there, my mom was on a bender for 4 days now, constantly drinking, running in and out of the house, and constantly coming in and out of me and my sisters room slamming the door repeatedly. I couldn't tell you why she was doing this, because we had no clue, but I remember this night like it was yesterday. She kept yelling at us and continued to get mad because we wanted to go to sleep because it was late, and we were tired, she didn't like that. She kept blasting music threw the speakers in the house and screaming for no reason, i had gotten up to go to my sisters room and started crying, i felt like i couldn't take much more of this and was losing my mind. She comes in there behind me yelling at my sister to call my dad, so she does. While my sister is on the phone with my dad, all you can hear is arguing and screaming, my mom then starts to fight my sister. I stand there in pure shock, not knowing what to do but my sister is holding her own. My dad is on the phone the whole time and decides to call the cops. Not long after that my mom grabs a bag and throws the last bit of alcohol she has in the bag and takes off down the road before the cops get there. The cops show up 5 minutes later and my dad is right behind them. They start to question us and what happened and if everyone is ok. I say i'm ok and my sister was ok other than some scratches and a bruised lip, she was ok. Outta nowhere my mom comes walking from the side of the driveway over to where everyone is standing, the cop points the light at her and makes her stop where she's at. Still carrying her bag of beer, she stops and starts crying and trying to convince the cop’s that me and my sister are the problem, and that she did nothing wrong. The cop’s took pictures of my sister’s bruised lip and scratches, and asked her if she wanted to press charges, my sister said no. She said no because as much as she hurt us and made us feel less than ourselves and prove to us she never cared, she still loved her. So my sister grabbed some of her clothes, a blanket and a pillow and left with my dad that night, but I stayed. I had the option to go or to stay, but I felt bad for leaving her alone and didn't know what she was going to do to herself. She has a history of trying to kill herself. I know this because I've seen it. It was the one night I was with her, and we went over to her dads house, and I stayed up half the night with her but could barely keep my eyes open, so I decided to go lay down. I remember hitting the bed, not thinking about anything that could go wrong, then being woken up by police men in my house telling me what's going on. I ran outside, half asleep, to see flashing lights from the ambulance. As I get down the driveway and turn the corner to see inside the ambulance, I see her, laying there, lifeless, as the paramedics try to bring her back to life. At that moment in time, I froze, not a single thought going through my head. From that day on, I could never forget that day, or get what I saw out of my head. So that night I stayed with her, which was the worst thing I could have done. Once the cops left and before my dad and sister left, my sister hugged me and told me to leave, to not stay there but to leave anyway i can. After they left, me and her went inside. As soon as I walked through the front door, I could just feel the loneliness and the emptiness of the house, it was an awfully weird feeling. I made her go lay down, in hopes she would go to sleep, so i could get some sleep. When I thought she was asleep, I could hear footsteps walking through the house, then the music started. I heard her open my sister's door, and all I could hear was glass shattering, things being thrown across the room, on the walls, it was like someone was bulldozing the house. I sat in the other room and listened to it all, crying, wondering when she would stop. After 30 minutes of her destroying my sister’s room, I got up to go look. When I got up, I could see she wasn't in the house anymore. I don't know where she went but she wasn't there. Before I walked into my sister's room, I stood there, shaking, in fear of what was behind the door. I opened the door, and just started sobbing. Our dresser was torn apart, glass everywhere, holes in the wall, stains from the soda cans being thrown against the walls and busting everywhere, our clothes pulled out everywhere, gifts people had gotten us torn apart and soaked. I stood there staring at everything, not knowing what to do or what to think. I fell asleep that night, hoping to wake up that next morning and everything be fine, but it wasn't. That next morning I got up, and went looking for my mom, to find her passed out in her bed. I quilty shut the door and make my way down the hallway to my sister's room. Once I opened the door, I stood there, once again, wondering where to start. I throw some shoes in because of all the broken glass on our floor, and I start trying to clean it up. I started by picking up all the glass, trying not to cut myself at the same time. Once I figured I got all the glass picked up, I started moving furniture that was knocked over or thrown back up. After 2 hours of picking clothes and trash and trying to scrub the walls, I had the room somewhat cleaned. I went to go check on my mom, in hopes she was still asleep, and she was. The relief I felt when I saw she wasn't awake was breathtaking. Later that night I decided to pack what little clothes I had and move in with my friend and her family for a short period of time. While I was packing, I could hear footsteps coming down the hallway, my heart started to beat rapidly. My mom had woken up, I was secretly hoping she would remember everything that had happened, in hopes she would feel bad. I got up, and walked to the living room. There she was, sitting on the couch on her phone, I didn't say anything. I walk over and sit down, glaring at my phone for a brief moment, then look up. I remember asking her if she remembers anything from last night, and she tells me no. I nodded my head and told her I was going to go stay at my friend's house for a short period of time. She looked up at me and started getting upset and complaining because she was gonna be left there alone, but at that moment i didn't care anymore. I knew that I had to do what was best for me and to get away from her. After all the years of manipulation, abuse, and fights, I was ready. After that night I left, I never looked back. I started my healing journey, taking everything that had happened those years and started to let go. I knew if i didn't move on and let things go i couldn't control, i was gonna be trapped forever. Looking back on who I was during that time to who I am now, makes me realize how much stronger and of a better person I am today. I stopped caring what others thought about me or said, I started living my life for me and not for others. So I am proud of myself everyday, for finally letting go and getting away, because only god knows who i would of been today if it wasn't for him.

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