No matter how hard you try, you cannot run away from the truth. Lies will consume you, but in every lie there is a hint of honesty. It hurts sometimes, when you figure everything out. Actually I won’t lie; it hurts like hell every time. But you can’t just run away from that. You can’t cheat your way out of it. You have to suck it up, stay where you are, and deal with it. That’s how life is, and I’ve learned that. But it always gets better. Somehow, someway, someday, it doesn’t hurt quite as much as it once did because you come to terms with it and you accept your losses. I ran away once, and I’ll regret it until the day they bury my body in the ground, but that’s something I have to deal with. It’s too late to turn back now.

I was put here for a reason, though it’s hard to find what that reason is. What makes me different from every other person on this Earth? What makes me stronger, or weaker? What makes me smarter, or more ignorant? What makes me wiser, or inexperienced? What makes me, me? How could I change the world in a way that no one else can? Or am I meant for nothing other than a simple, fragile, human life? I could come up with theories, hypothesis, predictions, but I’m still myself in the end. I’m not supposed to know the meaning of everything until the end of everything. Isn’t that the way it works? So until then, all I can do is live.

I find it easier, less complicated to be on my own. Relationships and friendships are helpful, yes, but I’m not perfect. I know I’ll hurt people because you can’t please everyone at the same time, and I know how one tiny thing that’s been said can stay with someone their whole lives. I know how even if what was said wasn’t meant, someone else can end up believing it, and I don’t want to be the person to cause that kind of life-long emotional pain or insecurity. So I go about my business every day alone, and I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut. The less you say, the less they know, therefore the less they think you know and ignorance in this world is blessed.

Do you know how something isn’t quite easy to see at first, but then when you get a better glimpse, and you look deeper, you can see every aspect of it? It’s kind of like a slightly faded scar. When it first happened you could see it prominently, like dark graphite on white paper. But then as time passes the color begins to fade, and eventually you don’t even think about it anymore. That’s how every good thing in this world is. It will all eventually go away. It will eventually lose all its glamour and the fire will die out to just warm embers, then ash. You will know that it was once there because of the remnants left behind, but it won’t be as obvious anymore because it won’t stand out as it once did.