Who Am I?

My name isn’t Brittney; my name isn’t Dwayne, its Brianna, nothing more, nothing less than that. Why am I constantly being compared to them? I am my own person. I am not quiet, calm and not very sociable like my sister. I’m not athletic, energetic and rambunctious like my brother. I’m out going, talkative an outspoken, that’s me.

I often find myself trying to alternate my personality, longing to be understood. Accepted would even do me satisfaction. At least be heard if nothing else. But never have I felt like I was any of those things. EVER! It hurts most because I feel as if everyone else around me receives those opportunities but not me. Why not me?

What am I? You ask. I’m under appreciated, misunderstood, unheard, unaccepted ad “the target” as I call it. The target meaning pinpointed at everything negative. I’m never credited for anything positive. Anything that goes wrong is said to be me fault, my idea or of my helping. But what am I truly guilty of? Being an absolutely smart, intelligent, achieving, excellent and determined teenager. Is that so wrong? I’m not perfect but I’m living within the right limits.

So what is there to do now? Stop being me? Live for others? Beg to be accepted? Appreciated? Heard? No, none of those things are the answers. I will continue to be my only supporter. I’m human, it’s impossible for me or any living person to be perfect.


Maybe it’s the middle child syndrome. It’s sometimes the feeling of wanting to be looked at as mature. Then sometimes not wanting to take on so much responsibility and just be a teenager. Being a middle child you often get torn between those things. Is this why I may feel the way I do? Do I want to be a grown little teenager?

I’m stressing trying to figure out who I am, what I want and what I need. But it’s timeout for that. I am seventeen with so much in store for me in the future. So why am I stressing? I should never feel like I have no support at home causing me to be stressed. At seventeen the only thing I should be worried about is, what college I want to go to, what shoes match my outfit and where I’m hanging out on Saturday night.

From this day forward I promise my body, my mind and my soul to relax. Just chill. No more anxiety, no more stress, just fun. I have all my life to be a forty year old mom with a sixteen, ten and five year old kids, running around like a chicken. I have twenty three more years until that phase and I promise I’m in no rush.

Learning, I am learning to let go and be free. Let go and be a kid, teenager, young adult what I’m considered. I’m okay with being seventeen and reckless, seventeen and fearless, seventeen and care free, seventeen and silly and most importantly seventeen and me. Who are you to judge me?