You’ve stopped the microwave from beeping by pulling the door open right as the timer goes down to 1. You’ve just caught a piece of popcorn in your mouth after tossing it in the air. You’ve managed to beat a videogame in less than 24 hours. You’ve finally discovered how to do a trick on your bicycle. And how will you describe your painfully mundane successes? Epic. Everything you do is epic. Even though in a week you’ll have moved on to bigger, better, more epic things. That meaningless event that happened five days ago? It was so epic you forgot all about it. You won’t even remember it because it wasn’t nearly as ‘epic’ as what you’ve accomplished today. If given the power to discard any word from the English language, it would be, with no competition, the word epic.

I have never heard a more annoyingly over used word than epic. I personally dislike the word because a few years ago every single thirteen year old boy thought they were the coolest things on the planet. And consequently, by thinking they were the best, every single thing they did within the span of 24 hours was ‘epic’. Nothing they did was less than epic, even if they blink an eye or flex their lungs to breathe. Referring to something as ‘epic’ doesn’t make sense! First, an epic is a type of poetry! And that thing you did? It wasn’t extremely incredible, but rather it was painfully mundane!

The word epic is used so frequently to describe things that aren’t in fact incredible or magnificent or have any long lasting impression on history. “Dude did you see that movie?” “Yeah it was totally epic.” Actually, it was pretty normal. The movie you just saw in theatres was the best movie you’ve seen since the last time you saw a movie at the theatre. Last week. “Dude, the pizza I ate for lunch was epic!” Epic is definitely not synonymous with delicious. Nor does any food item possess the power to be that amazing. Shut up.

In conclusion, eliminating the word Epic from the English language would benefit us greatly. There would be no more thinking of food or bike tricks as exceptionally impressive. Teenaged boys would have one less word in their vocabulary, but would it really be that bad? Imagine never hearing “DUUUDE THAT WAS SOOO EPIC.”, ever again. Would you mind? I definitely wouldn’t. Discarding the word epic from the English language would be nothing short of, well, epic.