We are (no so) very sorry to interrupt your (more important and interesting) TV show for BREAKING NEWS! (Nothing is actually broken… rarely!) Have you heard of the JUNK™?

Welcome to the Boring Infomercial

Well here is your one in a life time chance to get your hands (or foot and even tongue) on JUNK™!

JUNK™ is the most useless thing you will EVER purchase (this is the only true fact I will say).

WHAAAT? YEAH!

Hard thing to swallow ain’t it?

That’s how I feel about my vitamins.

So as I was bragging, JUNK™ is sparkly.

AWESOME?! I KNOW!!! I own two! No wait…27.

You can own JUNK™.

It is very simple.

Call a phone number, any. Don’t believe them (modest people) if they claim to not sell JUNK™.

Give the machine operator, Mr. Killer Robot all your credit card information, your home address, All relatives home address and also your friends, PLUS anyone else’s you happen to know. Give their phone number and most recent picture of them.

The phone call will proceed with asking some personal questions like:

Do you have a crush, how many cats do you own, would anyone care if you disappeared for a while? Forever? Is this conversation being monitored/ recorded? Would you like more JUNK™? What are you wearing? Team Edward or Jacob? Have you ever used drugs? Can you get me some? Can you eat my shorts? And what’s up? You order should be delivered as soon as I—silence–

Don’t worry; the killer robot must have (obviously) gone under a tunnel.