There is one song that I think relates to my life almost perfectly. It's called "Breaking Down" by Simple Plan. The lead singing is singing about how he feels alone sometimes in the world and how you're not alone if you feel the same. This song helps me know that I am not alone with how I feel. I can always know that someone else out there has it the same as me or worse.
I feel alone most days. I walk through the halls like I'm invisible. Sometimes I just don't talk through the day because I wish I was invisible. With all my problems, it's not that hard. I can name a few:
- I don't know my biological father
- my mom and the guy I call dad have been married and divorced twice
- I have 6 siblings, one of which I don't know
- my sister, Rayanne, is a violent schizophrenic and doesn't live with me anymore
- I moved from a school of about 400 kids to 1500 kids (I've lived in the smaller one my whole life)
- I have type 1 diabetes
- etc, etc, etc.
It's like I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders and no one is around to help me carry it.
With the responsibility of school, all my problems, and taking care of my diabetes, nothing seems worth it anymore.
A few days ago (April 1, 2011) I felt it would be a whole lot easier if I wasn't here anymore. I felt like I could just let go. Like I could die and no one would care. But my own thoughts were scaring me. And I was scared to tell anyone for fear they would send me away. But I had to be brave. So I went and asked for help.
I was shocked by what everyone said when I asked for some help. "All you had to do was ask." I couldn't believe that everyone was so eager to help and understand. I was falling apart and when I asked the people who truly care about me were there to help no matter what I was going through.
What you are going through can be fixed. So, please, if you're going through anything real tough, just ask for some help. The people who love and care about you will stand beside you through it all. You'll be surprised on how supportive everyone can be.