“No offense but….”

I’m gonna have to stop you right there buddy. You and I both know that whatever you’re about to say is gonna probably offend me, and is probably a rude thing to say. But here you are, looking me right in the eyes, smug smirk on your face as you utter those stupid words. “No offense but....”.  BUT NOTHING!

I always wonder, what makes people want to say it? My theory is that somewhere inside their little brains, they get the idea that if they say “No offense” people won’t take any offense. They’re just looking for a cheap way to get away with saying whatever. A ridiculous notion, yet one that people like to unanimously rally behind.

It will never cease to infuriate me, hearing those words. They are nothing. A hollow attempt at some semblance of an apology, a wannabe excuse for what they say next. As if they can stop me or anyone from being hurt by whatever hurtful thing they have to say. Like a spell in Harry Potter; all you have to do is say “No offense” and magically, you can say anything without offending your listeners. It’s amazing!

To all the clowns who like using this phrase, saying “No offense” doesn’t do anything to save you in the conversation. It doesn’t save my feelings. It doesn’t save face for you. And we would ALL rather have you just say whatever you’re gonna say, and take responsibility for your words. Anything but “No offense” for the love of God. But no offense of course.