Listen to the professor, take notes, listen to the professor, take notes, ignore everyone around you, don’t speak, don’t make a fool of yourself. Simple. I can do it. It can be done.

I take a deep breath and reach for my pencil, a small grin gracing my lips as the rough fabric of my fading pink jacket rubs against my arm. The ghost of a smile fades quickly as my thin, boney fingers come into view. I knew why they were like that. I knew it was my fault. I wore the large jacket and black jeans to make me seem less unhealthy. Less thin.

My clumsy fingers grasped the end of the pencil, shaking with the effort. I just got the pencil off of my desk before I dropped it. The pencil clattered to the floor. The sound rang louder in my ears than any other sound in the noisy lecture hall. I buried my nails in the palms of my hands and squeezed my eyes shut. In my head, I could hear the room fall silent. I could feel everyone’s burning gaze locked on me, waiting for me to open my eyes and pick up my pencil. I knew I had to reach down and grab the pencil, and I knew I had to do so quickly before anyone began to laugh at me. So, I opened my eyes and went to reach for my pencil.

When my eyelids flicked open,  I wasn’t greeted by the aching gaze of everyone in the room. Or the dead silence and stillness that I had felt when my eyes were closed. Everyone was behaving as though nothing had happened. Except for one person. That person had picked up my pencil for me and was waiting patiently for me to open my eyes. They had a kind smile and warm eyes, the color of cinnamon. I didn’t trust them.

They were too nice. Too inviting. Too patient. Too happy. I didn't trust them. I couldn’t trust them. I was ready to cry. They were probably one of those people that were nice and kind until they turn on you like a rabid dog.

I lifted my hand and ever so slowly, and I took the pencil. They nodded and turned away, back to their friends. I probably made a fool of myself. I probably looked slow. I probably looked like I couldn’t even understand the basics of the English language. Like I shouldn’t be trying to major in publishing. I wanted to gather my things and leave. I wanted to pick everything up and walk out. But that would only draw more eyes. It would only make me seem more weird, seem more awkward.

I pulled my jacket tight around myself and began to tap my foot. I stared blankly at my paper until the end of the lecture, unable to gather one thought and hold it long enough to focus.

As always, I was the last to leave the hall. I gathered my things and head for the door.

By the time I was leaving campus, it was storming. Casting a dark gray fog over every aspect of my already gray world. I tucked my belongings into my jacket and zipped it up, hoping to keep them dry for the most part on the long walk home. I hunched over and got to walking, ignoring how the freezing water made my toes and fingers ache then go numb. I focused on the ground and walked as fast as I could without coming across as odd.

Most everyone lived on campus. I didn’t for two reasons. One, I was odd. Different. In a dorm, I would have to live with someone else. And I didn’t need anyone knowing how weird, and different, and odd I was. Two, I have awful dreams. Terrible nightmares, really. I would wake up screaming or cry in my sleep. And no one needs to know about that.

When I had arrived home, I dumped my things onto the counter of the kitchen in my one room apartment. I peeled off my soaked jacket and tossed it on top of the rest of my things before climbing onto the counter next to them. I sat there, staring at the wall on the opposite side of the room for a good ten minutes before remembering what to do next.

I slipped off the counter and landed on the floor with a soft thud. I dropped onto my hands and knees and crawled over to the sink. I opened the bottom cabinet in search of the cat food. I grabbed the cat food scoop, scooping out a cup of the food. I carried the scoop of food to the small metal bowl at the foot of my bed. The clatter of the food in the bowl was the only sound in my dreary apartment, other than the soft mewing of my precious black furball.

The soft jingle of the silver bell on his collar grew louder as he approached the bowl and I. Before he could reach the bowl I scooped him into my arms and picked him up. I turned him onto his back and cradled him like a baby.

“There you are, my sweet Bea,” I cooed softly as I scratched under his chin. I turned the tag on his collar over in my fingers.

“Property of Xie Tayn. If found, please return to XXXX XXXX XXX or call XXX-XXX-XXXX,” I whispered as I read the words off the collar. My name, my address, my phone number.

I set the cat down, a feeling of contentedness leaving me as the kitten left my arms. A feeling of emptiness quickly taking its place. A deep, dark, empty void filled my stomach, causing it to growl. I was hungry. I quickly made my way back over to the kitchen, dropping the scoop back into the bag and closing the cabinet. I rummaged through the cupboards for a glass. I filled it so it was half empty and downed what was in it. I slammed the glass down on the counter, the loud noise frightening my jumpy kitten and forcing him to take up hiding under my bed. The cool liquid traced a chill trail down my throat and into my stomach. For now, the growling of my stomach had ceased.

I breathed a sigh of relief, stumbling over to my bed and collapsing into it. As soon as my face hit the pillow, I was out like a smothered light.

My eyelids fluttered open. I found myself standing in the middle of a pitch black room. I couldn’t even see my feet or the inches of cool water I stood in. I wiggled my toes, which had gone numb with cold. I pulled my damp jacket tight around my petite frame. Strands of my jet black hair had fallen in front of my face. My gray eyes had failed to adjust to the dark.

I went to brush my hair out of my face, my clumsy, boney fingers knocked my wide framed glasses off of my face. A small splash echoed through the pitch black room as my glasses disappeared beneath the surface of the water, tickling my ears. I stepped forward, preparing to dip my hands under the water and retrieve my glasses.

I was met by the sound of a sickening crunch. I winced as the shards of glass slipped into the soft heel of my foot. I lifted my foot off the ground and stumbled to the side, falling into the pool of water.

Drenched, cold, scared, blind, alone, abandoned, unaware. I couldn’t see, there was nothing to hear except a faint dripping sound in the distance. Wait. Dripping. That was not there before.

I began to crawl through the deep water, towards the sound of dripping. I was so focused on getting from point A to point B, I almost didn’t notice the tickle of breath on the back of my exposed neck. I turned myself over, throwing my arm out to hopefully strike the demon of my mind and knock it to the side. Nothing. There was nothing there. I felt something brush by my left side, circling around behind me, and come back around on my right side. The demon circled me time and time again, its footsteps silent. Not even a soft sloshing sound accompanied it’s movements.

An ear piercing shriek spilled out from within me and the demon stopped. The movement stopped. All was silent.

Crunch

Crunch

Crunch

The sound of teeth cutting into bone rang through the still air from behind me. I shuddered as I turned around to see it.

It wasn’t human. It hovered less than an inch away from the water, its arms long enough that its razor sharp claws settled just beneath the surface. Its face was a mushy blob of dark gray with a twisted grin and kind, warm and welcoming cinnamon colored eyes. It held in one hand a kitten’s skull. It turned the clean, white skull over in its twisted fingers, a creepy grin of admiration decorating its features. It tossed the skull into its mouth, another sickening set of crunches filling the air.

The creature, the demon of my mind, smiled kindly to me before hacking up a small cat collar. It was a red collar with a small silver bell and a tag that I knew had my name on it, my phone number, and my address. It was my cat’s collar. The collar of my sweet Bea. Hot tears streamed down my face, leaving behind wet trails. The monster held the collar out to me as a sort of offering. I shook with anger, fear and sadness. This monster, this part of me, had stolen everything from me. My happiness, my everything. And now, it had stolen the last things I had. My cat, and my sanity.

“Xi. . . Xie. . . ,” the creature croaked as it advanced towards me. Its smile only grew, the corners of its lips pointing to where its ears ought to be. “Don’t be rude. Take the collar.”