The Untold Story of a Teenage Wallflower | Teen Ink

The Untold Story of a Teenage Wallflower

November 3, 2011
By Anonymous

To understand my story, you first must know the real me. I have major trust issues. Its not because I hate people, or because I'm ignorant to the fact that not everyone is mean, its because I was in an abusive relationship for a few years and since that point in my life it feels like everyone is out to get me in one way or another. Although my insecurities may not show up on my High School report card, they are there. Only a handful of people know me for me. I choose to set up traps in my social life. Don't get me wrong, I have many friends. But there is not one friend that knows everything about me. The only people who will know the real me, and everything that I have kept hidden all this tI'me are the people who choose to read this. The only reason I tell certain people things about me is to keep they from snooping in my personal life. For example, my friend Alisha knows my fear of the dark and all of my likes. While on the other hand, Erin knows about how much I hate biology class with all of the snobs in it. I do this because I fear that the more someone knows about me, the more they have to use against me if they decide to turn on me. This all happened to change the middle of my senior year when I made an unexpected friend who saw me as more than just a nobody.

Some might say it was fate, others luck, but if you were to ask me what I would describe our meeting as; I would have to say annoyance. My friend Alisha has always wanted to be in the Marine Corps band. Her dad was in the Marines for a fairly large portion of his life and only retired when his knee pain became intolerable. Alisha has had the urge to take her fathers place and because she fell in love with the flute her freshmen year in High School, she saw no other way to accommodate both of her passions.

Walking into the lunch room at the local public high school was always somewhat scary for me. I could never be sure if I would have to sit alone or if I would have one of my acquaintances there for me to listen to while they gossip about the latest relationship drama throughout the school. This one day in particular wasn’t too bad for me. I knew for a fact that both Alisha and Erin would be at this lunch, and because they are a lot like me, I wouldn’t have to pretend to be interested in their conversation. We usually talked about Cheerleading practice and how the coach was a complete nascence, or an upcoming paper that was due for one of the rigorous classes that we decided to take.

I have a very diverse group of friends. Alisha, is on the short stocky side of the "female perfection spectrum" but she doesn’t care about how she looks. She plays the flute in the marching band and the violin in the concert orchestra for school. She is a senior cheerleader who is boy crazy; but then again which teenage girl isn't? Erin, is almost 6' tall, and is a little round in the middle. She has more "fierceness" in one leg than Tyra Banks has in her entire body. Erin is the type of person who doesn’t let anyone tell her what to do and she always does or says what needs to be done. She isn't afraid to hurt someone’s feelings if they are messing up; I guess that’s why we get along so well. Last but not least, there’s me, Alisha. Yes there are two Alisha's in my little wolf pack. We have been friends since first grade when I told her to shut up as the tears feel down her face when her parents drove away on the first day of school. Back then, those little comments made you friends, now a days, they will get you a black eye. It’s funny how the world has changed in just the few short years. Anyway, I am 5'7'' and even though I see myself on the chubby side, if I were to say that to any of my family members or my friends, my head would be chewed off. They, the doctors, tell me I have this disorder that makes me see myself differently when I look in the mirror compared to how others see me. Basically, because I am so afraid of becoming over weight, my brain alters my image to make it look like I am and that my fears are now a reality. For the sake of my story, lets just say I’m pleasantly plump.

The way the school cafeteria is set up is there are two columns of tables and about ten rows. We usually tend to sit with the nerds at the last table closest to the windows. That way if there is ever a food fight or anything like that, we are able to make a clean and unnoticeable exit through the side door.

As we walked in, we noticed that something was off about the design of the room. There was now a little information table near the entrance door that had two men in uniforms standing there. As we got closer, I noticed that today was one of those days that I didn’t really want to sit with my normal group of friends. The stand was accompanied by two Marines. These just weren’t any normal Marines. One of them was a kid who graduated two years before. He had come back to help recruit and was around for a few more weeks before he had to leave again. The other one was a man whom I have never seen before. He had broad shoulders, and biceps that seem to bulge out of his sleeves. His muscles make the seams on his uniform scream because they were too big for the small size of his dress blues. His hair was cut short around the ears, and little longer up top. His hands seemed to be a bit bigger than mine, but I guess a muscular guy with tiny girls hands would have seemed just a little too weird. It actually made me giggle at the thought. His face; well there isn’t really much I can say about it. When our eyes met, and he caught me staring at him, I turned away blushing and walked away with my head down as the girls next to me giggled and asked if they looked okay before they went to talk to the men in the corner.

The three of us sat down at our usual table and Erin dove right into a rambling thought about how those platinum blonde skinny girls really pissed her off. Alisha and I just nodded in agreement. As the conversation started to die down a bit, Alisha asked if I would walk with her to grab water. The one rule for teenage girls is never go anywhere alone; even the bathroom. You pick a buddy and stick with them until you and your group of friends are reunited again. I just happened to be her buddy for that moment. We excused ourselves from the table, leaving Erin to her rambling thoughts. As we walked away, I noticed that Alisha was going the wrong way. The water machine was outside the door to our right, but she was making her way back over to the entrance to where the marines were sitting. Just before we made it to the table, I caught her by the arm.

"What are you doing?" I whispered. Alisha has always said I was more like a mother to her than a friend. She always seemed to do things on an impulse rather than think things through like me.

"We are going to talk to the Marines. Why should all of the pretty girls get all of the attention all of the time." She replied. And with that statement she was off again, making a B-line for the table. All I could do was to follow and hope that the man didn’t mention the fact that he caught me staring at him earlier in the lunch period.

As we got closer to the stand I began to notice some things about the mysterious stranger who invaded the walls of my high school. He didn’t smile. Not even once. I began to get an uneasy feeling about this guy. I didn’t want to say something wrong and have him force me to do pushups in front of everyone. I didn’t think my ego could withstand that much humiliation. Mike, the kid who graduated from my school was smiling from ear to ear. I guess it’s because he was happy to be back in his comfortable surroundings, well as comfortable as high school gets I suppose.

"My names Alisha, who are you?" She said as she extended her hand for a formal greeting.

"My name is Sergeant, and of course you know mike." he explained as he shook her hand. "We are here looking for people who are interested in joining the Marines. And who is this with you?" He questioned while looking right at me. Of course I couldn’t help but blush again. I still had my fingers crossed that he wouldn’t mention that little thing he caught me doing earlier.

"Oh this is Alisha." She said without hesitation. He just looked back in forth between the two of us, afraid that we were pulling his chain.

"Yes there are two of us," she said, " we are kinda like a package deal." All he did was nod, but his eyes went right back to mine. Feeling a bit uncomfortable, I put my head down to break the staring contest that he started between the two of us.

"So what can I do for ya then? Are either one of the Alisha's interested in the Marines?" He asked. Alisha jumped at his question and explained how she wanted to join the Marine Corps Band and how her father was in the Marines for quite some time. After she explained her story, he looked over at me and asked,

"What about you? Can I do anything to answer your questions?" At a loss for words, all I could manage to do was shake my head.

"Okay then. Your lunch is almost over, so here, take these papers and have your parents look over them. We will be here again tomorrow so I’ll be able to collect them from you then." He said as he handed her the papers. Great, I thought, he was going to be here again tomorrow when I didn’t know anyone at that lunch. He was going to see me look like a complete idiot. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see him tomorrow, what if he caught me looking at him again?

We said our good-byes just as the bell rang, and headed back to our separate classes. For some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about Sergeant for the rest of the day. Why was he staring at me? Did he want me to say something? Did I have something on my face? What did he want from me?

The following day came, and because I still had so many unanswered questions and I felt weird around this guy, I stayed home from school. I know that I was being childish when I told my mom I wasn’t feeling well. But she was so busy getting my three younger siblings ready she never stopped to question if I was telling the truth or not. That’s one advantage of being the oldest I guess.

Instead of sleeping in, I decided that I could catch up on the reading that I would have missed in my classes. So technically, I didn’t really miss much. As I forced myself to open up my Biology book, praying for a distraction so I didn’t have to touch it, my phone buzzed. Ecstatically, I threw the book to the side and picked my cell-phone up. It was a Facebook friend request.

"Who would want to be my friend?" I thought out loud in hopes that it would help me think better. Hesitantly I opened the message and it was from Sergeant. My jaw dropped as those unanswered questions flooded my mind again from the previous day.
"I might as well add him. That way I can at least see what he wants." I concluded. As soon as I hit the accept button, my phone vibrated again. It was an email from him. I opened it, and it only had four little words.
"Hello, how are you?" I read. I found it a little odd that he truly cares how I’m doing. I mean yesterday he didn’t care how I was.
"I’m doing well, thank you. How are you doing today?" I sent in response. Before I could close my phone and push it aside, it went off again.
"I’m fine. Why weren’t you in school today? I was hoping to see you." He questioned.
"My stomach was hurting me a little bit this morning, so I figured I’d just stay home and rest."
"Ahh your time of the month? I hope you feel better." I couldn’t believe he just said that to me. Talking about my period around guys was a little weird and made me feel uncomfortable.
"No it’s not my time of the month, but thank you." I responded.
The messages just kept coming one after the other. We must have talked for hours about things I liked, about where he came from before the Marines relocated him, and how much he missed California and his family there. He was even impressed when I told him that I play nine instruments and that my friends and I have a little show coming up. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever impressed a boy before, so the feeling was new.
How is it that someone can make you blush over an email? Even though I didn’t know the answer, he did. He seemed to know exactly what to say to make me smile. As he was about to get offline, for some reason I typed my phone number and before I realized what I was doing, I sent it.
"I’ll text you in a few minutes. After I jump in the shower that is. Have a great day. By the way, I’m going to your school again next Tuesday. You better be there, and you better say hi to me." He said.
"What if I don’t? Are you gonna beat me up?" I asked teasingly.
"I just might have to show you how tough I can actually be." He responded, followed by a "winky face".
"Just remember," I explained. "I might be a girl, but I’m in Taekwondo and I know how to fight. So I’m giving you 110%. You’re in trouble now." He sent me a smiley face and then signed off. I sat back in my seat and just thought. Randomly the thought of him in the shower popped into my head, and that was it, I couldn’t help but blush again.
With nothing else to do, I decided to watch some television. There was nothing else on besides the Jerry Springer show, so I settled for that. Just as I was getting in to the show and how the lady fell in love with her cousin and was there to confess it to her husband, my phone rang.
"Hi, it’s Sergeant." I couldn’t believe me text messaged me.
"Wow, I’m surprised that you trusted me with your number. I mean what if I was a stalker and now I have full access to your life." I replied.
"Hun, I’m a Marine. I think I can handle a little teenage stalker. Plus, you gave me your number first, what if I was a stalker." He teased.
I couldn’t believe he called me hun, and yet again my cheeks turned red.
"Well you aren’t."
"And how do you know that?" He asked. Before I realized who I was talking to I said.
"You’re too cute to be a stalker." Send.

As the days passed we became closer. We talked from the moment we got up, to the moment one of us fell asleep. Over the span of a week we talked about everything from our favorite colors to what I want to do after high school. I learned many things about him and grew to care about him greatly.
"I'll only be like an hour and then we can finish this conversation." I told him as I was walking into the doctor’s office. I needed to get my ankle looked at because it swelled up to the size of a balloon after I decided to try to Double Dutch in gym class. Apparently, it’s not as easy as I thought it would be.
"Okay that’s fine. I hope everything is okay. If you need someone to carry you or anything, I’m your man." He replied. With a sigh I closed my phone and slipped it back into my purse. Even thought I knew there was something wrong with my ankle and I knew that as soon as the doctor decided to touch it, I would regret coming, but the entire time I was there it was a blur. I was there for an hour and a half but the time seemed to fly because all I could think about was being able to talk to Sergeant again.
There was something different about him. With him I could be myself. For me to put my faith in someone, meant a lot and was very rare. For some reason I trusted him completely and he was the first person that I ever told everything to. There was something inside of me that made me feel like I could put my life in this persons hands and I would be safe.
As soon as the doctor said I was okay to go, I ran outside as fast as my recently discovered broken ankle would carry me. As soon as I got cell phone reception, it started to ring. To my surprise, it wasn’t Sergeant, it was an unknown number. I answered it, a little bit confused. No one calls me with a blocked number.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Hi. Who is this?" The stranger questioned.
"Alisha. Who is this?"
"This is Sergeants fiancé. Why have you been talking to him. Do you know I’m nine months pregnant?" I was at a loss for words. This entire time I trusted him. He said he cared about me and wanted to get to know me better. He was engaged to be married, and he had a kid on the way. Why would he keep this information from me?
"I’m sorry, I didn’t know. You have my word that I won’t talk to him anymore." I said as I chocked on my words. And she hung up. I sat in my car, trying to remember a time where he told me that he was going to be a father, or a single moment where he mentioned another girl and I just subconsciously blocked that part of the conversation out. The more I tried to remember, the more certain I was that he never mentioned anything of that nature. He didn’t seem like the type of person to lie about anything to make someone feel better. I mean, he constantly told me when he thought I was being childish or annoying. He reminded me a lot of my friend Erin in that way.
I was crushed. I wanted to yell, thrash around and cry at the same time. Here was this one person who I trusted with every little secret I had, and he couldn’t take the time to mention that he was already taken? I didn’t want to be known as a "home wrecker" so I called him in hopes to straighten things out.
"Hello...?" Sergeant said as he answered his phone.
"Hi it’s me..." For some reason forming that fragment was hard enough for my brain to handle.
"Yes, I know that. I do have caller ID on this phone. What’s up? What did the doctor have to say?" He asked nervously. I couldn’t tell if he was nervous about the news the doctor had given me, or the fact that I had caught onto his little game.
"Ohh, it’s broken. He said I should be fine in a few weeks though." I replied, and he sighed in relief.
"That’s great. I mean it’s not great you broke your ankle but it’s good that it will heal soon...." he just rambled a little bit more about how I need to be more careful in gym class and that I need to show that jump rope whose boss.
"Are you okay?" He asked. "You seem a little bit off."
"Umm...Maybe."
"Maybe?" He questioned, urging me to elaborate.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I just had to ask him what was going on. He was waiting for me to tell him what was really on my mind, but I couldn’t form the sentence in my head.
"’ here for you, you know that right?" He declared protectively. That was the final straw.
"Why didn’t you tell me you were going to be married? Why didn’t you mention the fact that you were having a baby? Did you honestly think that I was so ignorant that I would never find out? I am a straight A student, and I think I have a pretty decent head on my shoulders and I don’t need my emotions messed with anymore. So just answer this question, and I’ll leave you alone. Are you getting married or not?" I yelled into the mouth piece. By the time I was done, I was gasping for air. I guess whenever I get angry I forget to breathe. It usually makes the other person laugh because I turn bright red, which intern makes me even more heated.
"What the hell are you talking about Alisha? I’m not getting married to anyone..." He responded.
For some unknown reason I believed him. There was something in his voice that seemed hurt at the fact that I questioned him and that I honestly believed that he would keep that kind of information from me. I told him everything that had happened. That I had gotten a call from some lady who said they were engaged. That she told me she was pregnant with his child and that she didn’t want me talking to him anymore. He was shocked by my story. I was honestly afraid that he wouldn’t believe me. Softly he said.
"That was my ex-girlfriend. She lives in North Carolina. We dated for a few years, and yes she is pregnant with my child; a baby boy to be exact." My heart dropped.
Maybe everything else she had said was true. I thought.
"But..." he prompted "we are not engaged, nor were we ever. She is just crazy and thinks that she is going to get me back. She has always been that way with my girlfriends. When I dated her, she would go through my phone and call every single girl contact to find out why I had their number. It didn’t matter if it was a friend, my family, or people who worked with me in my recruiting office."
After he explained about this crazy lady and he apologized for her actions, I felt horrible for yelling. I should have calmly asked him what was going on rather than jumping to conclusions. He promised me that he would straighten things out and that he would call her to tell her to leave me alone. I felt all of the anger drain out of me, and I was back to my mellow self again. Our conversations picked up right where they left before the interruption from his ex, and he seemed to know exactly what to say to make me feel like the only girl in the world. For some reason thought, all I could think of was him saying these things to that other girl. Can you say "awkward"?

The author's comments:
Im not sure where else to go from here. please help!

I’m usually a person who wakes up at 5am every morning. Yes, this includes the weekends. Most people found my "morning person" characteristic annoying, but Sergeant didn’t. He was up that early for work anyway. One particular morning, I woke up with a message from him that read:

Alisha,

So I think that since we have been talking for a while, you should come visit me tonight at my house. I understand that I get out of work late, and you’re usually in bed by 8pm but I promise if you come, you won’t regret it. If for some reason you do, I will gladly let you beat me up and I will not defend myself in anyway shape or form. I will make you a nice dinner and we can just hang out and watch a few movies or something. Whatever you want to do, I’m down for. I hope to hear from you soon.








From,







Sergeant V.

P.S. If you would like to stay over tonight, you are more than welcome. I don’t want you to have to drive home too late. You can get my bed, and I will get the couch, or the floor. However you want to do this will be fine with me.

I didn’t know where to start to respond to this message. We have been talking for a while now via text messages, but I had never thought about meeting him in person. Over a text message I can say anything and not care about what that person thinks, but in person it was a totally different thing. I was afraid to be myself in person. I guess I felt like myself wasn’t good enough for anyone. For some reason, I asked for his address and told him that I would be there between 8:30 and 9:00pm that night.
The hours of the day seemed to go by really fast. I did homework most of the afternoon, only stopping to grab something to eat. After finishing all of the work assigned I had about 30 minutes before I was supposed to be at his house. I jumped in the shower, changed out of my sweat clothes, did my hair, and tried to look half way decent. I mean, this was technically the second time him and I were going to talk face to face, but I was still nervous. I finished packing up my night clothes and appliances and headed off for his house. As I was pulling down his street I called to let him know that I was close and he said he would meet me outside. I was ten-times more nervous than I was a few hours ago and hoped that I didn’t hit a car or the curb as I was pulling into the parking lot. If I didn’t, I don’t think I would have been able to get out of the car. I honestly would have just left.
As I pulled up, there he was, standing against the brick wall looking down at his phone. I guess he saw my headlights because he glanced up and looked right at me with a large grin across his face. He strolled over to my car and by the time I had it off and my keys out of the ignition he was opening my door for me. I barely had enough time to reach over and unlatch the seatbelt before he was picking me up out of the car. He had me standing, pinned against the closed backseat door. His body felt like cold marble up against mine. I could feel every fiber of my being reaching out to him, willing him to come closer.
"It’s nice to finally meet you." He whispered. The only thing I could manage was a smile. So that was all I did, and he smiled back. He pushed himself away and I could feel my body sigh as he got farther. He reached into my passenger seat and grabbed my bag full of items, slung it over his shoulder, shut and locked the door and grabbed me by the waste and led me back to his apartment.
He lived in one of those nice apartment complexes. It had an old house kind of vibe to it and had a huge pool and tennis court right in the back yard. As he led me up to the third floor, I could feel my heart beating stronger with every step. I wasn’t sure if I was being paranoid or if there was actually something to be nervous about. I am not the careless kind of person. Everything I do has a well thought out reason behind it. This, on the other hand, was the first time I was actually going strictly off of an impulse. My mom had always warned me about meeting people offline and how dangerous it was but I figured that since I’ve met him before, it didn’t really count and I wasn’t breaking any of her rules. I mean, he was a really strong Marine and if anything were to happen, if he couldn’t handle it I would most likely be able to take control of the situation.
I was never one to act my age. In elementary school I was always so much more mature than the other students; both mentally and intellectually. For this reason, all of the guys that I have talked to in the past were always a few years older than me. Sergeant was 6 years my elder.
He showed me around his apartment and told me that I was able to make myself at home. I was quite shocked to find that his house was very clean and well organized. When I asked where he got his skills from he explained that his mom was a neat freak and he was the oldest of his siblings. While his mother was at work or just out of the house he was in charge of making sure the house was kept clean and dinner was all set for when she returned home. I was happy to hear this because I got my cooking skills from my mother. My mom was the type of person who could burn water. My dad was the cook in the family and no one complained because his food was eatable.
Sergeant had put something small to eat together. He made grilled salmon with some salad. I don’t usually like to try new food but it looked good so I figured I’d make the exception just once.
I sat on the couch and played with the remote as he got the food ready. While it was cooking he came to sit next to me and for some reason I pushed myself a little farther away than I should have.
“Are you nervous?” He asked.
“No, why would you think that?” I asked and he chuckled in response. He moved away a little more than I did. I didn’t like the gap between us but for some reason I was a little nervous. I would never admit this to him thought because he would think that I was being childish or something like that.
“I don’t know, it just seems like you don’t want to be close to me.” He concluded sweetly. As he said this, his head went down and he folded his hands on his lap. I could help but smile at this childish side of him. I got up and sat right next to him and put my leg over his lap. His hands automatically went to my knee. He stared into my eyes and just had a smile on his face.
“What would I say if I asked to kiss you….?” He asked.
I couldn’t believe he had asked me this and I had a feeling that he was just joking around. I mean why would he want to kiss me? I’ve dreamed about us kissing and taking our relationship to the next level but I didn’t think that he had felt the same way.
“Why don’t you ask and find out.” I replied teasingly.
“Can I kiss you?” When he asked, I realized that he was serious. I nodded my head and he leaned in. His arms wrapped around my lower back and pulled me on top of him. I straddled him and wrapped my legs around him. He leaned up and his lips touched mine. It wasn’t anything passionate, it was sweet and innocent. I liked it. He pulled away, just enough to look into my eyes. I couldn’t help but smile. I was falling for him, and I was falling fast.
He smiled and leaned in again. This time it was a bit more passionate. Our lips moved as one and his hands crept up my back. His hands found its way under my shirt and wrapped around my stomach. I could feel the nervousness slip away as he pulled me closer. This warmth was seeping through both of our shirts and making me cringe at the thought of not feeling it anymore.
I assumed that he would pull away because he had made it clear many times before that he was uncomfortable about my age, but he didn’t. As our lips started to slow down, he pulled back enough to say;
“Do you want to go to my room?”
“Yes.” Was all I was able to respond. My head was screaming at me to stop, but every fiber of my being made me want to go, and I did. We stood up and he picked me up, my legs around his waist and my arms wrapped around his neck. He carried me down the hall way and into the last room; the master bed room. He shut the door and brought me over to the bed where he laid me down gently. He pushed me backward and laid on top of me; positing himself so he didn’t have too much weight on me. I could feel his hard chest and stomach against me and at that moment I didn’t want anything to change. I just wanted to lay there with him like that forever.
He leaned down and kissed me again. This time it started off passionate and he wasn’t cautious about anything. His hand slid down my left side, sending a wild chill up my spine. As his hand went down my leg, he grabbed my thigh and pulled my leg around him so he could fit into the gap between my knees. I could feel his hard body at every inch of mine. His hand aimless wondered around my body, feeling each part of it as if he were trying to memorize each feature.
He began to play with the button on my pants, and I knew where this was headed. I had to think fast. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go to that step, even though I really wanted to. He was a stranger to me. I didn’t know him well enough to decide if he would just leave me afterward. He could have been the type of person who just slept around with a bunch of the girls he met from the different schools and I could just be another he wants to add to that list. He must have sensed my body stiffen because he stopped as quickly as he started. He rolled off of me and laid next to me trying to relax. I could see that his heart beat was beating really fast and that he was breathing hard. I could tell he wanted me, but not because of the way he was acting. It was a bit more obvious than that.



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