Perfection's Broken Reflection | Teen Ink

Perfection's Broken Reflection

July 13, 2011
By Roxy5898, chester, New Jersey
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Roxy5898, Chester, New Jersey
0 articles 3 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice"

I’m my parents model child, and being “perfect” all the time is more then time consuming. It’s finally my sixteenth birthday, and I plan on spending every second away from my overly protective parents. I enjoy 2 things more then all others, being left alone, and spending time with my best friend, Logan. Logan is tall, muscular, and exceedingly handsome. His golden, blonde hair that covers his forehead is just about to reach to covering his perfect, bright green eyes.

Logan likes to be left alone too, meaning when ever we would hang out, there was only small talk and slight distinguishing glances. We have been planning a camping trip since the beginning of the summer, it is now nearing the end of a harsh and brutal winter.

The morning, just hours before we were planning to leave for our trip, I packed away some clothes into that little camouflaged backpack. Along with deodorant and every troubling thought I’ve been bottling up. When I finished packing, I curled up into a ball on my bed. Thinking it would only be for a few minutes, I set no alarm. Yet, before I knew it, that minute had turned into several hours. Then I was awaken by shaking, and a friendly yet familiar smile.
“Logan, why are you in my room? Who let you in?” I asked, soon realizing that was my longest conversation I’ve ever had with him. Then he answered in his intriguing and mysterious voice.
“It’s time to go, and your mom told me to come and wake your lazy butt up!”
His comment was followed by a giggle, and an alluring half smile. I lied down again, not wanting to move until Logan spoke again. This time with an absent smile he said “What’s it like being… perfect?”
Almost not believing his recent comment I said, “Your kidding right? I am not in any way perfect!”
A confused expression grew on his face as he said
“Well to me, your parents, and anyone else with a brain and eyes you are, Mel.”
His nick name for me was Mel, but everyone else just called me by my real name, Melissa, and sometimes my friends called me Lyssa. After searching through my thoughts, I found an answer.
“Being ‘perfect’ if that’s what I really am, is honestly…the worst. You’re never allowed to disappoint anyone. You have to live up to everyone else’s expectations, never your own…or…my own. I hate it, every single wretched second of it!”
The back of my eyes began to sting. My face grew red, and my already sorrow-filled eyes formed tears. Yet, before I could swipe any away, I was being held tightly. So tightly, I could feel Logan’s heartbeat on my shoulder. As soon as I tried to pull away, I felt every muscle in his arms and chest tighten, as if he didn’t want it to end. Then my Mom yelled from down stairs, ruining the moment
“When are you guys leaving? It looks like there might be a storm soon!”
He let go and we both stepped back and some what laughed. Then he grabbed that camouflaged backpack and jogged down the stairs.

Outside the door was his black, 2011, ford pick-up truck. The one he had driven me to school in many times before. He threw my bag in the back, got in and started the truck. The interior smelled distinctively of peppermint, Hollister cologne and that new-car-smell. For some reason that smell never faded for his car, or my memory.

Getting to the mountains was the easy part, the hard part was fitting all of our bags on only twp ATVs. Logan was one to pack more then absolutely necessary. He felt that way he would never leave anything behind. I find it as more of a life lesson then a “packing clothes” kind of motto. I always found myself struggling to the right words to say when I’m with him. He basically had a dazzling and charming affect on anyone that crossed paths with him. Yet, he was that kind of person that all people want to cross paths with.

He always seemed interested and intrigued when people would tell him anything, even a story. That, for some reason, made him even more attractive.

As we found the ATV trails to go up the mountain, it started to lightly snow. Soon after, that light snow turned into a deadly, whirling white wall. Logan’s courage caused rushes of random adrenaline. It shots through me and causes frigid chills.

The camp site was just ahead of us in a clearing, and by then the last snowflakes were only memories. The place we were staying had a certain picturesque feel. The beauty soaked in and it was more then unrealistic. The newly fallen, white snow covered the mountains. The way the sun radiated off of the mountains as it hid behind them, created an unrealistic essence. My first instinct was to grab my camera out of the front pouch of my backpack. Then that same perfect voice the I heard waking me up earlier said “You know the true beauty, in this case, is not what that camera is capturing…but instead the person capturing it.”
I felt my heart actually skip a beat, then my face grew red and hot. Yet, my answer to that recent impeccable statement sounded a little more sarcastic then I ment to make it, when I responded “You think I’m beautiful?”
His answer only made my recognition of his flawlessness grow when he said
“You are the most beautiful thing in the world, and nothing will change that.”
At this point, I’m starting to understand his confusing and dazzling ways of showing interest. Charming.

Logan was already getting busy on setting up our tent. I just sat there on the edge of a rock near our camp site. Running through all of our conversations, thinking to myself all the possible responses I could of used, instead of the ones I ended up actually saying. Every now and then I could feel Logan’s gaze hitting the back of my head, then subsiding after I made and effort to turn around. I think I must have entirely zoned-out at one point, due to the fact Logan had to snap me out of it.

That night I didn’t eat, I just watched all the stars and the camp fire touching the sky as Logan ate. The chilling air and shock I was in, kept me from thinking about much, especially food. Yet, before I knew it, I was once again being snapped out of my zoned-out stage by the crackling wood, as Logan threw a bucket of water on the fire. His eyes looked entirely restless as we dragged ourselves into our separate sleeping bags. We didn’t even say “good night”, or “sleep tight” but I guess that was the end of our bursts of random and captivating conversations. We both ended up rapidly falling asleep due to the calming effects our surroundings supplied.

That night I woke up in the unfamiliar surroundings of a meadow in the summer. The sky, or what I could see of the sky, had not one cloud. The trees had blooms of pink flowers. A stream flowed right down the middle separating the left and right part of the field. Logan stepped out of the woods and wrapped me in a hug. My arms were around his neck and I had to basically stand on my tippy toes. I rested my head on his shoulder and his arms were around my lower back pulling me closer to him. Then we both let go and once again I put my arms around his neck, but this time not for a hug. His hands were gripping my hips and we were about to kiss. Leaning in slowly and just before our lips touched, I woke up from my dream. Logan was shaking my arm and my phone’s alarm was blasting in my ear. I figured I must have looked angry when he said “Sorry to wake you sleeping beauty. You can go back to sleep if you want, just please turn off your stupid phone alarm. I can’t figure your phone out!”
I laughed pretty honestly with my tired expression. Then turned off my phone alarm and got up. I got dressed and found only an energy bar for breakfast. After we both ate and took down the tent we were ready to continue on our voyage. We cleared to snow off of the ATVs and left.

The trails were now cleared and several more people had made their way up the mountain and on the trail. We came across a newly married couple, probably in their mid-to-late twenties. They were on their honey moon, and the wife was pregnant. They were both incredibly kind and wore huge smiles. Yet, they seemed to like being alone as much as us. After our hours of talking to them, we went on trying to find our next camp site.

The trails were now very much covered in ice, we assumed from the melting snow. It was now getting dark and the sun once again played peak-a-boo with the mountains, letting darkness cover the earth. We assumed our next camp site wasn’t far, but we didn’t actually know. We’re flying down the trails, I’m ahead and the ice patches make crackling noises as the ATV tires went over them. The last crackling noise I remember sent the ATV completely out of control. I’m holding on but if only that was enough. Apparently I’m not strong enough to withstand the force of air my ATV is creating. Then…everything is black. I can’t hear anything or see anything. My only unconscious thought is “I hope I make it out alive, what ever I’m making it out of.”

Lights flashing. People yelling and crying. Sirens screaming. A hand holding mine, and a gentle touch. Then once again, total blackness. Another unconscious thought manages to make its way in my head and that is “What the hell is going on here?”

Next thing I know, I’m under a bright light and all I’m hearing is low beep, shuffling papers, and occasionally a slurred voice. That same feeling of someone holding my hand is still there, only this time I’m conscious long enough to make out who it is…Logan. His head is rest on the space between my legs and the edge of my bed, and he is completely asleep. Then with my new found consciousness, brings a new found thought. I just got into a ATV accident, and I’m alive! My recent break through was interrupted by the entering nurse. She wore pink scrubs and plain white sneakers. Her medium length, dark brown hair, was pulled back into a very neat pony tail. She’s wearing a very friendly smile as she announces her name is Jody. She started going over exactly what happened, and how my injuries could have been much worse then they actually are. All I have is a broken wrist, some deeps cuts that needed stitching, or as she would call them, battle scars, and a few bruises. We shared a few laughs over her “battle scars” statement, then her pager beeped and her friendly smile faded. She left the room without a single word or a glance back. I lied down, starring at the ceiling, then examining my visible cuts and bruises to see how bad they really were. My silence was once again interrupted, but this time by mumbling shouts, loud beeps, screeching wheels, and I think someone is crying. The pregnant woman we met earlier, lying on a stretcher. Only panic shows in the faces of all the nurses and doctors faces. Her husband was running as fast as he could behind the stretcher and not missing a step. When they got the woman through the door, and almost-fight broke out. I heard the husband say something along the lines of “I need to be there with her! Let me see her! She is carrying my baby!”
The doctor kept calm and said “Sir, you need to stay here. I’m sorry but you can contaminate the surgical room. We will have her back to you as soon as we fix her, but we’re going to need you to stay here.”
All the husband could manage to say was “Keep them alive!”

I felt a sudden rush of guilt as the nurse, Jody, walked back into my room and said “I’m sorry to leave on such a short notice, we had another ATV crash victim in more critical condition then you. I was asked to help.”
I slowly responded “Did I cause that? Am I the reason those people are here right now?”
She didn’t answer, she only looked at me with guilt-filled eyes. That wasn’t the answer I demanded, and for some reason that bothered me more then it normally would have. So once again I said “Did I do that to those people?”
She somewhat left the room then turned back around, only to say “Yes, but don’t feel bad about it, your not the actual cause, the ice is. Ice is deadly, and it could of happened to even the best of us. We can’t exactly control our fate, honey.”
I was a little confused by the way she called me honey, considering we only just met, but after my confusion over that was over I managed to say “Oh my God!”

Logan woke up after the nurse left, with a slight beard. I was confused as to why, I didn’t even know he could grow a beard. Then I think he could understand my confusion and said “okay don’t make fun of me, I didn’t exactly bring my razor on this voyage. I didn’t think you were going to mind.”
I just sat there, confused and laughing.

Logan saw the pain I was so effortlessly trying to hide behind a smile, and he leaned over and kissed my forehead. That sent a million questions through my mind. First, our relationship status, second, how strong my feelings were for him…third, how strong his feeling were for me. Logan noticed the husband we had met early, and recalled his name being Evan, and the wife’s, Lia. Evan must have recognized us because he walked right into my room. What I didn’t take it while he was sitting in the hallway, was that he was crying. It wasn’t until he came close to me that I saw the escaped tears and sorrow-filled face. When he came close to me, he merely stated “I’m not blaming you for this, only because I’m unsure of exactly what happened, and I’m sure you wouldn’t ever mean to hurt anyone. Anyway, my wife and daughter are in the operating room. They are my only family anymore and basically my reason for existence. I know you’re hoping as much as I am that everything turns out okay. I just want one more love of my life. Not to lose two.”

His pain and broken heart might as well have been written on his face. For that moment of complete and utter silence, only glances and breaths kept us at ease. The guilt only added to my interior pain. Yet, that began to come across as exterior pain when I let a few tears fall. Evan came over and hugged me, even though he made it obvious that he was still carrying mixed emotions. Then he left, without a word or even eye contact. He sat back down in the hallway, he buried his face in his hand, then ran his fingers through his hair and nearly ripped his hair out. At that point I dozed off again.

I woke up, still in the hospital bed, and still with Logan at my side like a little lost puppy. Logan looked at me and said nothing. He simply smiled that perfect breath-taking smile, leaving me confused once again. Then, Evan walked in, holding a little pink blanket with his daughter wrapped inside. He came up next to me and said only three words, but these three words nearly made my heart drop.
“Melissa, meet Melissa.”
A weight lifted off of me, and that weight was guilt. My next question was about his wife, but I was far to fearful to ask. Maybe I’m easy to read because Evan immediately said “My wife. She is in the next room, waiting to thank the inspiration to Melissa’s name.”
I asked “It’s an amazing name, but why did you name her after the girl that you just met and barely know?”
His response was less then alarming and more then confusing, when she said “You are the reason she is here right now.”
“Yeah, Melissa had the umbilical chord wrapped around her neck. If she didn’t come out within the next day or two…lets just say she wouldn’t be here right now.”
“So I’m kind of like a hero?”
“Please don’t ever refer to me as a hero! Just call me Melissa, or even Mel. I really don’t care, just not hero.
“Your wish, is my command.”
He winked and giggled after his last comment.

Logan and I have been dating for the past two years since that accident. I haven't exactly figured if he is "the one" or not, but i have to say, he is the only guy i can ever picture myself being with.

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This book has 1 comment.

on Apr. 12 2012 at 8:35 pm
This story is amazing!:)