Blossom’s journal log, May 22nd

I still have nightmares about that fateful afternoon. Though it happened 6 years ago, it continues to haunt even my peaceful thoughts. That day, my mother had written me a note saying that she’d be out to run a brief errand. She mentioned that I shouldn’t go outside while she wasn’t home. I truly don’t know whether I regret disobeying her or if it was the best choice to make. The sun was beaming aggressively that afternoon, and my precious tulips were withering by the seconds. Without thinking, I grabbed a pail of water from the faucet. I assumed Mother wouldn’t mind me watering the flowers outside only for a moment. When I stepped outside, it felt as if my entire body went into a turmoil. My head started to lasso around in circles, and it felt like my blood pressure had collapsed. Only moments later, among gasps and wheezes, I collapsed to the ground, completely unconscious. Thank god our neighbor had heard me that day…

I set my pencil down and took an exaggerated deep sigh. Writing about my darkest memory was making my mood slightly melancholy. But why be depressed on such a beautiful day? I thought to myself. I smiled, leaping out of the bed to open the curtains. Much to my disappointment, it was actually pouring rain outside. The rain is still a beautiful thing, Blossom! I chanted to myself. To be positive, I pulled a nightgown from my closet covered in little paper sunflowers and slipped it on. When I turn around, I noticed Nurse Leah peeking open the door with a clipboard in her hand. I knew why she was here, but I was still excited to see her. I quickly ran to her, sweeping her into a tight embrace. She returned the embrace, starting to scribble on a page in her clipboard.

“I’m so happy to see you, Blossom! How are you feeling? And have you taken your capsule yet?” she wrote.

Excitedly, I retrieved the clipboard and pencil from her. “I am so happy to see you too! I hope you are having a beautiful day! Yes, I took my capsule this morning.”

She smiled at me with her lovely emerald eyes. “That’s good! I’m happy you are staying positive! But I can’t stay to talk, I’m sorry Blossom. I will be back soon, hang in there sweetie!”

I looked up from the clipboard with sad eyes, frowning, but she shook her head and pushed my cheeks up to form a smile on my face. I laugh, rubbing my cold cheeks. She always knows how to make me smile, I thought, as we waved goodbye to each other. 

The next morning while I was watering my plants by the window, suddenly someone from behind swept me off my feet and started bouncing me all around. I giggled, knowing it was my Mother. When she finally set me on my feet, I squeezed her into a hug, looking up at her big, beautiful, brown eyes. But today they looked sad. Holding me in one arm, she handed me a white envelope with a sticky note stuck to the front. It read: “I have to go to work, but I wanted to drop this off first.”

Lately it seemed like the people I loved had less and less time for me. My Mother was always running off to her job, sometimes taking phone calls while she’s here at the hospital. 

But I can’t let that disturb me because I know that she loves me with her whole heart. That evening, I held my Mother’s card in my hands hesitantly, because I was afraid that I would start tearing up and the tears would never stop. But I know Nurse Leah will be coming soon to tell me to go to sleep, and I haven’t got much of a choice. I sigh, and slowly start to peel away at the envelope flap revealing the pink card stuck inside. I pull it out, and the words on the front slowly become visible, “For my dearest Blossom,” The message on the inside was rather short. My Mother was never much of a writer. 

“I’m sorry I don’t have much time to spend with you Blossom. I’ve been promoted to a manager at my job, so work is very busy. But don’t worry, I think about you every second of the day. Please promise me that you will stay strong and keep sharing that beautiful smile with the world. I love you so much, Blossom.”

At those last words, the card slipped from my grasp, drops of water falling from my eyes. I had never heard my Mother say that she loved me. Sure, she would give me little sticky notes that said I love you, but that was hardly comparable. To be frank, I had never even heard my Mother’s voice. It was a painful thing to be the unlucky child with cancer, and what you need the most, you can’t have. I was never going to hear my Mother’s voice. I was never going to hear anything.

That night, my tears wrapped themselves around me like a blanket and I fell asleep in despair. It took too much energy to go on cursing my existence and begging life to give me the ability to hear, so I simply gave up and lay helplessly in my bed the next morning. A few moments later in the corner of my eye, I saw the doorknob twitching, so I quickly wiped my eyes and sat upright. I promised my Mom that I would keep smiling for everyone, even when darkness was overwhelming me. 

I looked up as Nurse Leah and my secondary nurse entered the room, the smell of bad news trailing their heels. I knew something wasn’t right by the way they kept glancing nervously at me and hugging their clipboards to their chests. They were frantically scrolling through different graphs on the monitor beside my bed while the nurse recorded notes on scratch paper. I could feel my heart rate gradually increasing as I watched them helplessly. Before Leah slipped out of the room, she wrote a little note for me: “Everything’s going to be okay, don’t worry.”

I shook my head. She wasn’t going to tell me what was wrong. If I want to know, I’m going to have to figure it out myself. I waited until she had disappeared from the room, and then I rushed over to the monitor. My eyes were brimming with tears as I pressed the power button since I promised Leah that I would never snoop. The screen suddenly flashed on, showing an endless list of all the system files for me. I clicked on “Recently Opened” since it was the first tab at the top. I selected the file that said “Blossom’s Health Monitor”, and held my breath. The first graph that popped up was all I needed. In summary, it said that my external toxin levels were high and my health rate was getting lower. There was a real probability that I was going to die. 

But I decided not to be mad at Leah when she came back to my room because she said she wanted to show me a surprise. There really is no easy way to break the news to someone that they might die soon.