The Grand Desert of Dreams | Teen Ink

The Grand Desert of Dreams

March 14, 2022
By Anonymous

Hello there, my name is Raul Hernandez, and I’m a single father who lives in poverty with his son(Sun). I’m not too tall (around like 5’ 5”). I dream of making it big, no matter the industry.

I live on the eastern side of Guadalajara, which is pretty poor. We get robbed about every week, yeah that’s how bad it is. I want my son to have a good life, which is why I’m going to do something about it.

I currently work in a panadería(which is a bakery) . I get paid about 140 pesos every day(which in US dollars is about 6.88). Not the best, but it keeps the family living. 

As the days pass by, I see the beauty of my city escape. The once blue skies have started to fill with clouds, the once loud atmosphere has turned silent. What is going on in the world that this is happening, as I question myself I notice that there is still hope somewhere, just not here.

As the sun sets on these days that last eternities, I look out to the night sky, and see the stars, those shiny dots of light that shroud the darkness. Those stars are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and that causes me to think, the world may not be such a bad place. As I say that I start to lose my path, “Wait what was I going to do again?” Was I just going to stay here, where I have always been, or am I going to challenge myself and shoot for those stars? 

Days go by, and as I re-focuse myself, I realize who I am and what I stand for. I must get my son to better living conditions, where he can be happy and live on to tell our story. 

Now I must prepare myself, what am I going to do? Where will he(my son) be safe? But as those thoughts raced inside my mind, my eyes started to drift away, as my sight was surrounded by darkness, and the feeling of my body went away. As that happens I see a very bright and lively place, one filled with cars and beaches, but where is this? As I walk around in this disembodied form of mine, I ask the people around where I am at. They state that they are in the city of Anaheim, a city where dreams become realities. But as soon as I started to enjoy the feel and the landscape of this place, my body jolts awake, as if I was startled by something. Luckily I remember the city that was stated in my dream, as I look it up on the map I see that it is in the state of California.

Now I heard that it is tough to live in that state, as everything is so much pricier than over here, but the crime rate is a lot lower, and that is all I care about, now my question has been answered. I thank god for showing me this image, for it will better my life, and Sun’s. 

My dream is to move to California. I saw in my dream that the place can be very nice. Filled with blue oceans, clear and vibrant blue skies. People who want to get to know you, not just meet you to throw you away.

My friend says that he can take me, but it is pretty risky. I do not have a visa, so I can’t use the ordinary means. This is the only option that I have. He says the next “operation” is next month, so I’ll have to hold out until then. It is time to start working.

As the month was fading away, I started to realize that we cannot take everything that is in our possession, so we must sell some of that stuff to earn some money, especially for food, since one of my family members can provide us with shelter once we are there. This relieves a lot of stress, because then we won’t have to worry about living on the streets, which I know for a fact is not good. We hit up our local mercado to sell all of our belongings (except for a couple pairs of clothing), we hope to make a couple hundred U.S. dollars. As the day passes on, and the heat strikes like needles being poked into the back of your neck, we begin to worry. A lot of our stuff is not selling, if we do not manage to make some money off of our things, we will have to leave the rest out to be stolen. That was the only day that we could sell our stuff there, having only made fifty US dollars. So we had to make the tough decision and leave our stuff out in the lot to be taken away.

As the month approaches its end, all the nerves start to seep in. Will we really be able to make it so simply? Or will there be complications? Worst case scenario being me and Sun getting separated and locked up. Whatever happens, god please let me stay with my son, he is all that I have left.
The big day is fastly approaching, and I have to make a game plan. We have to start walking or we won’t make it by sundown. It is a pretty long walk, should take us about 5 hours, but we have to make sure all of the preparations are going well, or else no one will be able to make it through. We just have to make sure that no one follows us, and that we are all capable of running on our own, if something goes wrong. 

It is finally time, currently 6:00 P.M. and it is time to set off. There are about 12 other people trying to cross with us, which is probably considered a slow day, but it makes me think that there are less chances of us getting caught. We have to travel through about 7 checkpoints, but thankfully they are in state, so they do not ask for any form of identification.

After making it through all 7 checkpoints, now the tough part begins, having to travel about 4 hours across a desert, and if our navigator is wrong, we just might be in trouble. The desert is grand, but since it is night time, it is pretty much pitch black, with the only source of light being from the moon. The moon looks pretty, but I have many other things to worry about other than how the moon looks. Everything is going smoothly so far, but as people say “If it seems too good to be true, then it probably is”. 

As we approach closer and closer to that wall, I keep thinking, “Are we really going to make it like this?”. As we approached the wall, we saw flashing lights, and all I could remember as we speeded off was just immediate silence. No one said anything, as the lights grew more distinct, the car was closing in on the wall. I swear I could hear the car engine roar, and as the black sand started to dissipate, we were told “You have to run, there is no time to see you guys off, good night and good luck”. 

With our legs going full stretch, we went the fastest we ever did that day, I swear that I could never run like that ever again. It was like I could beat Usain Bolt by a solid eight seconds. As the wall was coming ever near, I swear it felt like I had been liberated from everything that had happened to me back in Guadalajara. Like I can start from a fresh slate, a new beginning, one where no one knows how much money I make, one where no one would steal my possessions, one where there are infinite possibilities awaiting me.

But as I approach the wall I see that my son can’t keep up, and I have to make sure he crosses to safety. I slow down to distract the cops, making sure that he can get away. The cop starts to beat me down, and as I look up, I can see Sun almost there, he can make it, I made sure to tell him where to go when he made it across. He is a smart boy, and I know that he will make it big in the United States, but I hate to say that this is my end. 

I’m glad my son was able to make it to safety, but I will never see him again. As I look up, I come to the realization that this will be the last time I see him. I start to look up at the moon, and my eyes start to squint, as a bright light takes over my field of vision. As it starts to fade away, I start to hear crying, but who could it be? What is this weight that I feel upon my arms? As everything starts to clear up I see that it is Sun in my arms, but what am I doing back here? Is it because I know I will never be able to see him again, is that why I’m getting a replay of how he was born.

This day was one of the most tragic, and one of the happiest that I will ever live. It was the day that Sun was born, my wife was about to go into labor, so we rushed her to the only hospital that we could afford. We were sent into a room, where there were 3 other people giving birth. The conditions were not the best, but we had to do what was possible. She was already going into labor, and all that I could do was hold her hand, and hoped that she could go through with this. But as things progressed I had to leave the room, but I had no clue as to the reason why. As I paced back and forth through the hall, the doctors came rushing out of the room, with what seemed to be a baby. Was it mine? As they ran past me, the main doctor came to me and said that he wished to speak to me. It was about my wife. “I’m sorry to say, but your wife was not able to survive the operation”. I froze, as if everything in my body was paralyzed. As I let reality sink in, my thought had the sudden urge to ask, “Is my kid ok?”. If my kid was gone too, I would have nothing left in this world, but the doctor reassured me, saying that my son will be fine, he is in perfect condition.

I start to make my way toward the room where they are keeping him. I head into the room, and they show me my son, a kid with a full set of black hair, so small and fragile. As I hold him in my arms they ask me, “What will be his name?”, and I immediately responded with “Sun”. He will be the one to light my path, and many others that come before him, he is my ray of hope.

After I relive the first moment with Sun, I shake back awake, and come back to the insane struggle called life.

I will be detained, and I do not think they will let me out anytime soon. So if you are reading this Sun, “Te amo, and I’m sorry that I could not make it there with you, good luck, and I believe in you”.

 

-Raul Jimenez (30 years old)



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