I Want To Go Back | Teen Ink

I Want To Go Back

March 12, 2022
By r0anda_14, Santa Ana, California
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r0anda_14, Santa Ana, California
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Author's note:

confident

Hello, My name is Hazel and I just moved to town. We used to live in Texas but we moved to Chicago, Illinois. I have one older brother whose name is Aiden. My mom died of cancer and my dad has a drinking problem. I was devastated when my mom died. I didn't come out of my room or eat for a week. I was crying and remembering all the memories I had with my mom. I felt like I couldn't breathe while I was thinking about those memories. I went to the hospital everyday to see her.  What makes me even sadder is my dad whenever he’s drunk he hits me and my brother then the next day he apologizes but he keeps on doing it. He started drinking when my mom died. He wasn't like this. If I had one wish I would bring back my mom and have our family like we used to. My mom was my role model. We had a very good band that's unbreakable. Anyways, tomorrow is my first day of high school and I am extremely nervous because I don’t have any friends in this new town. My only friend is Aliah. I've known her since kindergarten, but I moved. Although I still keep in touch with her which is a good thing.

The next morning it was sunny. “It’s the first day of high school,” I said to myself with sadness but a little bit of nervousness at the same time because my mom would make us breakfast and she would always take a picture on every first day of school. Anyways I rushed out the door so my dad couldn't see me and wouldn't make me clean up the house and if i didn’t he would hit me. While I was walking to school I thought about my mom “I can't believe she's actually gone” my eyes were watering up. When I arrived I was nervous and scared because I didn’t know anyone, not one soul. I didn’t talk to anyone because I was so nervous and everyone looked so intimidating.  My schedule was math, English, gym, art, chemistry, and lastly history. I hate having history last. It's very boring. I don't even get why we need history, what's the whole point of it. I was thinking about my mom the whole day. I didn't want to go home because I know what happens and I can't go home late. My dad would notice that even if I came second late, he would hit me. The first day of school was stressful because I couldn’t find any of my classes, I got lost. I don't want to go back, to be honest, but at the same time, it's a good thing because I’m not home. I decided to go to school because why not and besides I don't want to be at home. The bell rang for the first period. My first period was math. I got to my math class and this girl sat next to me. She looked nice so I said 

‘hi” with nervousness she said 

“Hi!”

 I felt relieved because I thought she was going to ignore me. I said what's your name with a big smile and happiness she said 

“my name is Willow, what's your name” 

“I’m hazel” 

“It's nice to meet you” 

“It’s also nice to meet you willow”

I was happy because I finally talked to someone. I was walking to my next class which was English. Who am I going to talk to now? I have no one to hang out with during lunch which scares me. I hope I find someone to hang out with. Anyways, when I got to my English class my teacher looked nice, he was nice. He told us all about his life and childhood. He's an author. I said to myself 

“Wow, my English teacher is an author.”

 This girl sat next to me. She looked mean so I didn't talk to her. I was scared she wore a lot of makeup which looked good, but to be honest I was scared to talk to her. I got to my art class and I saw this boy with longish brown hair he was tall and was wearing all black I liked him there was an empty seat in front of me I hoped he didn’t sit there, well guess what he did I was so nervous I put my head down he said 

“Hi,” I thought he was talking to the girl next to him so I didn’t say anything  again comes to a loud deep voice saying 

“HELLO CAN YOU HEAR ME” 

“Hii? Sorry I thought you were talking to the girl next to you” I put my head down again he said 

“You look as dead as a doornail”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Ohh nothing don’t worry”

“My name is Diego” 

“Oh well hi Diego im hazel”

“So what do you like about art”

“I like how it’s about creation and imagination art can be anything 

“Wow I feel like you are a very wise person”

“Um thank you,” I said blushing with a smile”

“What do you like to do”
“I like to play basketball, what about you”

“I like basically anything” 

“Cool” 

“So do you want to be friends” 

“Sure why not” 

I was excited on the inside but I had a serious face. I found out that he had a girlfriend. I was kind of sad. The next day I went to the last class I didn’t go to because of two things Diego was there and we aren't doing anything for now. I arrived and I saw Diego with his girlfriend. I had to walk past them. It was very awkward. Whenever I pass by Diego he walks by as if he doesn’t know me I hate that.  He talks to me after school but he won’t talk to me during school. I took a deep breath… then I realized  “omg I like Diego” I went to the restroom and all of a sudden I started to cry. This girl walked in and I quickly wiped my face. 

“Um, are you okay?” 

“Yes I'm fine thanks”

“Oh are you sure because I just saw you wipe your face”

“Oh I had something”  

“Look I know I just walked in and you don't know me but I’m someone you can trust. I haven't seen you before?”

“Yea I'm new I moved to town not too long ago”

“Ohh that's good to hear hi in April”

“Hi April I’m  hazel” 

“Omggg I love your name”

“Thanks”

“Now you wanna tell me why you were crying on the bathroom floor”

“I just have something going on at home my dad came” 

“Ooh, I’m sorry to hear that anything I can do to help?”

“No, it’s fine”

“Well if you ever want to hang out here my number”

“Thanks, April”

April got up and left. She was pretty nice.  

Later on, it was the end of school. I was walking home. I guess today wasn’t as bad as yesterday. So it was an okay day. I usually don't have these types of days. I would always tell my mom about my days in school. I wanted to tell her about Diego. I went to her grave. Going to my mom's grave is very hard for me. Before I went to the cemetery I went to the store to buy flowers to put on her grave. I sat down with a smile but at the same time, there were tears. I was happy to talk to her but I just wanted to hug her and never let go. I told her about Diego, my first day of school, and dad. Talking about my dad reminded me… OMG, I quickly left the flowers on the grave and ran as fast as I could. Just as soon as I got home I saw my dad staring at the door from far away. I was scared. I opened the door. As soon as I closed the door my dad started screaming. 

“Why did you come home so late!!!!”

“I'm so sorry It won't happen again I went to mom's grave”

“I don’t care that’s not an excuse”

“You don't care about mom?” I said with my voice cracking and my eyes filled up with tears. 

“Why are you even crying-”

I ran to my room and shut the door. I grabbed my pillow and screamed into it. I heard my dad coming. I said “no, no, no” with a loud scream and cry for help. My dad stormed into my room and grabbed me by the hand and threw me to the ground and started to hit me. My brother came in and pushed my dad and picked me up

“Are you okay”

“No,” I said with and loud voice and crying for help

. I grabbed a sweater. My brother and I ran out of the house. I had the marks from where my dad grabbed me. I felt like I didn't want to do this anymore. 



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