“Ding, Ding”

Ugh, there’s the bell. I walk up the stairs and pull my phone out ignoring all my notifications. 8:02 a.m. Today is the first day back at school after winter break and gosh let me tell you, this was the worst break I’ve ever had. My mom found out about me having trouble eating and now always asks me about 8 times a day if I’ve eaten. Last night was the worst though, I kept throwing up everything, and when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. I couldn’t even handle a little bit of water. School doesn't help either. Everyone has their own opinion of me. 

“She has nothing to worry about, she’s rich, pretty, and popular.” 

 Yes, I do admit my family does have money, but everyone acts as if I grow money on trees or something. 

Trust me, if I had an option I’d rather not be popular. All these people are fake. They all say you’re their friend but when you tell them a secret it goes all around the school. I check the time once I’m outside of my class. History.

I finally make it to my class at 8:05. I take a deep breath and pull the door handle. 312, history with Mr.Groves. 

“Washington was born in-” 

He stops to look at me. I feel everyone staring into my soul, I try not to look at anyone and head towards my seat. Great. Someone is sitting there, out of all the days today had to be the day someone took my spot. I look around and notice everyone is in a different seat. I stop to think and remember Mr. Groves saying we were moving seats after the break. 

“Victoria you’re late… again. Take a seat over there” He said pointing at the desk next to his.

“No thank you,” I said with a tone that I regret saying. I threw my backpack on the ground and sat in the back with one of my so-called friends. 

“I said sit over there,” he said, gritting his teeth. 

“And I said no thank you,” I said, giving him the same attitude if not more. I didn't want to, but it’s become a habit of mine since I started 6th grade. I started hanging out with these 2 girls, Makayla, and Samantha. They were already in a group with 4 other girls and 5 guys. Although one of the girls (Kendall) got kicked out because her boyfriend liked me and she tried to fight me. I tried talking to her because I didn’t want to fight who I thought was a friend of mine, but she didn't listen, instead, she threw a punch at me. I was lucky enough I saw it coming, I was able to dodge it but my backpack fell and she tripped over it. I didn’t know what was going on in my head because I ended up getting on top of her stomach and punched her a couple times. The security guard saw me and took me to the office, which resulted in me getting suspended for 1 week and a half. That’s when my popularity grew. 

“I’m not going to ask again.” He interrupted my thoughts 

“Fine,” I decided it was best to just stand up and get my backpack. I threw my backpack on the floor and started drawing on my new seat. Mr. Groves then handed out some worksheets that we had to work on for the rest of the period. After I finished I started daydreaming and remembering when I had a perfect life. I had real friends, people who would listen to me rant all day and would be willing to stay up all night on a call with me. I remembered how I loved my body. How nobody made comments about it, how nobody judged how much I ate. And how I didn’t care what people thought of me. 

“I heard you got in trouble in history,” my best friend Ethan said while pushing me.

“Bruh shut up,” I laughed. 

We made our way down to the cafeteria and Ethan pulled me to the lunch line. They had my favorite or what used to be my favorite, beans with meat, cheese, and chips on the side. I was going to tell him I wasn’t hungry but I’ve used that excuse too much. I decided to try and eat, I mean it can’t be that hard… right? 

“This food is finally warm,” some random girl said.

“Hey Victoria, you good? Ethan asked

I slowly turned my head around and lifted my eyebrows, “hmm?”

“I mean we’ve been eating for 10 minutes and you’ve only taken a few-”

I feel a knot in my stomach as if I just ate too much and ran a mile. I quickly stand up, put my hand over my mouth and run to the bathroom. I hear footsteps behind me and I can feel everyone just watching. At this moment I couldn’t care less, I can feel tears coming out of my eyes. Just as I enter the bathroom stall it all comes out. After about 2 minutes I clean up and sit on the toilet. Why me? Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Just then I get a text. It was Ethan. 

Ethan: aye victoria u good? You’ve been in the restroom for a while now

Me: yea everything’s fine dw :)

Ethan: ok are u coming already?

Me: nah im feeling a little nauseous don't wait for me ima just skip next 

Ethan: alr

I decide to move to the big stall so I could have more space and rest in a corner. After a few minutes I started thinking about food, the thought made me want to vomit. Once again I was cleaning up when I noticed a familiar pair of shoes in the next stall. At first, I didn’t think anything of it until I noticed there was no noise coming from there. Weird. I put on my left airpod and listened to some music. Dandelions by Ruth B. I heard this song a while back, I don’t know what it is but when I hear it I feel shivers running down my spine.

The next day at school, I get called out of 5th period to go with my counselor. Which I am so thankful for because I hate science. When I get there I ask where she is because my old one moved school and now I don’t know where my new one is. I wait outside her door and after about 13 minutes the boy that was there leaves. I look through her window and she gives me a sign to go in and I do. 

“Hi, I don’t think we’ve met so allow me to introduce myself, I’m Mrs. Garcia your new counselor.

I smile knowing something is wrong, “Hi I’m Victoria.”

“All right then, take a seat please.”

She starts asking me questions and I know where this’ll lead to. But I pretend to be clueless. She can’t know. My mom already knows and I agreed to go see a psychologist so obviously I wasn’t going to talk to Mrs. Garcia. 

She takes a sip of coffee. “Victoria is there something in your life that bothers you? Or maybe something that you would like to talk about?”

“Not really”

“Come on, you can trust me, whatever is said in this room stays in this room.”

“Um… ok, can I go now?” 

“Sure, let me just get you a hall pass and you’re all set.” 

She hands me a yellow paper with my name, date, and time.

Just as I’m about to leave, she whispers something, not loud enough for me to hear perfectly but loud enough so I could make out the words. “What’s wrong with these kids nowadays?” I felt my heart sink. Why would she say that? Is she not supposed to help kids who struggle? I go on with my day but her voice is stuck in my head. 

“Hello? Miss Chavez.” 

I quickly look up from my desk to my math teacher’s desk and notice he’s asking me a question. “Yea?” 

“Where is the vertex?”

I look down at my paper and it’s blank, I quickly look at my partner's paper and see the answer “At 4, 9.”

“Great,” he stood up and looked around the classroom. “Class make sure you're paying attention because we have a big test coming up next Friday and I’m expecting you all to ace it. After all, we've been practicing this topic for a few days now.”  

It’s the end of the day and Ethan asked for a ride home, of course, I said yes, I told my chauffeur we were going to drop Ethan off first, and then we could go home. That’s when 

“Victoria, look I know something is wrong you’ve been acting differently since you came back from break, and I just wanted to let you know that you can talk to me, ok?”

I acted cluelessly, “No I haven’t I’m better than ever.”

“Victoria I know something is wrong if you don’t want to talk about it, ok, but I’m your best friend you can always talk to me.”

I knew I had to tell him. We’ve been best friends since kindergarten and we always tell each other everything. After all, he’s been there for me for everything, when I had detention after school he would wait for me outside of the classroom. Or when I had to pick up trash, he would help me so I could finish faster. Finally, I told him everything. The next thing I knew I was crying my eyes out and he was hugging me.

I wiped my tears, “I’m sorry, this is all my fault, you don't have to worry”

“No, this isn’t your fault this is nobody’s fault.” 

We got to his house and his mom had just finished making some carne asada with beans and tortillas made by hand.

“Hola mija, apenas acabo de cocinar quieres que te sirva un platio?”

“No gracias apenas acabo de comer en la escuela pero provecho.”

“Hay no como creas que te vas a ir sin comer si me asiste el favor de traer me mi chamaco de la escuela. Deja te sirvo un plato.” 

“Bueno pues me lo puede tapar con aluminio para que me lo coma en la casa profavor”

“Ok esta bien pero no me lo vallas a tirar eh.”

I giggled, “ok.”

I said my goodbyes and told my chauffeur to take me home. The food did smell really good, but at the same time I was getting nauseous, I put the food on the empty seat next to me and put my AirPods on to distract myself. When I got home my mom said I had a meeting with my psychologist in two days. 

It’s been a couple of months since I have started seeing a psychologist and getting the help I needed and I have made some progress. Although I have been losing a lot of weight I believe that I can overcome this. Ethan has been coming to all my appointments and waiting for me in the waiting room and has also tried to help me in school by standing up for me. I got out of my friend group to try to focus more on myself, and you might be wondering who’s shoes were the ones I recognized? Well, surprisingly they were Kendall’s shoes, she was also the one who told my counselor about me throwing up in the restrooms. 

Today is now the first day back from winter break in my new school, high school. I decided it was best to start over and make new friends. I still have contact with some of them but not all of them.

“Hey, babe.”

“Hey,” yes I am dating Ethan now, we’ve become much closer, and he’s helped me so much. 

There is some advice I have though, don’t listen to others. Don’t let them take control, don’t let people change the way you think or the way you see yourself because it will affect you, and not only will you hurt yourself, but the people your loved ones too. And also reach out for help, I know it may be hard but it’ll be harder if you don’t, trust me.