Two weeks of immense surgery followed that fateful night. Doctors worked their hardest to put me back together. I awoke on the fifteenth day and couldn't move a muscle. I was confined to the burn unit until my burns healed. The next challenge would be for doctors to fix me internally. I was under so many painkillers I couldn’t feel anything. I layed there broken and battered for the next month. My cousin Phil came to visit me when I was finally out of the burn unit and told me what my future holds.

“Hey Dave, your doing good buddy you just need to stay strong as always. I come with good news and bad news. I’ll say the bad news first. Bad news is you have been removed from the company due to the extent of your injuries. Good news is you won’t do this alone, your moving out of Philly and will live with me and my family.  Remember I’m chief of our hometowns station, Station 37. Oh more bad news, I’m sorry to tell, that probie Kevin got fired because he failed to stay with his partner i.e you. Good news is that little boy you and him saved had minor burns and thanks you for your service.”

I layed there taking in the good and the bad. I slammed my fist down onto the tray when he told me about Kevin. Phil walked out so the doctor could come in and tell me what he planned on doing now.

“Good morning David, I hope you are healing well underneath those bandages. So here's the scoop I’ll tell you the extent of your injuries then I’ll tell you what I plan to do to get you back into shape. So lets start outside, you suffered burns to thirty percent of your body including your face, arms, legs, and back. Your left eye is half way blind there is no treatment I can do at the moment. Both of your legs are broken from debris, your surgery is in two days heads up. Finally you had a laceration to the chest which we sewed up when we treated you for burns. It’s going to take at least a month for you to attempt to walk and after that I have set up for you to go a rehabilitation center so you can learn to walk better again and at the same time learn how to mentally handle this and accept that this is your life now.”

He walked out and I spent the next half hour processing all the things said to me. I never really handled change well. Both my parents had left this world, my father dying of a heart attack and my mother perished in a car accident. I coped by joining the fire service. I said to myself, if I couldn’t save them I will sure save others. Now how am I going to serve my community if i can’t even walk. I am determined to walk again, I am determined to fight fire again.

Another month past, my leg surgery went well and I was ready to take my first step. The nurse wheeled over the walker to the side of my bed. I picked myself up and swayed to the side, kicking my legs out from the covers. It was the first time I got to see my legs. They had stitches going up both sides and had minor scars from the burns.  I had seen my arms already, they are pretty badly scarred. My face was still wrapped up though. My company had came to watch me walk again. I leaned onto the walker and began to lift myself up. I lifted my leg and felt pain. I wasn’t going to give up, I moved one floor tile. They all started cheering and hollering. Over the next month I took walks around the hospital wing every day until I was allowed to go home.

Several weeks after i started walking I was moved out of the hospital and moved into Phil’s house. My doctor signed me up at this rehab center. They make me work out physically to get my body back in its healthy state. They also wanted to help me mentally as well so they put me in an art class. I always hated art, I thought it was a stupid subject for those who are too weak to do manual labor jobs. I learned a valuable lesson at one class though. The class had to make a sculpture out of clay and it had to be to the persons liking. I had started sculpting and everything just looked like a five year old made it. After four tries I got angry and through it onto the table. The instructor saw my fit of rage and came over to me.

“Dave what’s going on having some trouble?”

“This is dumb this isn’t helping anything I don’t see the point!”

“Here let me show you. You see how your piece is rough and cracked. You need to use the tools and fix it to make it look better. It’s just like how the doctors have to put you back together. You may look bad now but witha little help you can get to the best you would ever be.”

I understood that this was one of their tests and I learned that everything there had a meaning.

I helped Dave get out of the car and get his crutches. Today I am showing him the station from our hometown. I got in contact with his therapist and we thought it is a good idea to get him back into the fire service to help his mentality and for him to not fear fire. We walked into the station and I brought him back to the gear room. I pulled out a folding chair so he can sit down and try on pants and boots. In the meantime I got him a hood, fire gloves, and rescue gloves. He wondered why I brought him here and I broke the news to him. He seemed a bit off but accepting. I knew he wasn’t going to refuse so we continued to get his gear in order. He had all his turn out gear and he had brought his head light and chest lamp along to put in his gear. I gave him a emt vest since he is also certified for that. After we get all his stuff into his new stall I introduce him to some of the guys.

“Alright Dave here are four of my best men in this company, they usually ride the same engine together and I feel you’ll fit right in with them. Here is Dan the Chief Engineer and excellent driver. Cameron is the Batt. Chief, a great leader. Brian and Jason are usually on the line but are equally as good doing R.I.T. Boys, this is my cousin David. He used to be a career firefighter until three months ago when a building came down on him, thus the crutches and scars. He will be active next week that’s when he will be able to run with us.”

One week later, Dave was completely moved in and made himself at home. He still had a bit of pain but was able to ditch the crutches and be active in the company. About four in the morning we got a call for a vehicle rescue. I got dressed and when I got out to the car Dave had already started it and waited for me. He told me on the way up that he didn’t sleep and just waited. We arrived and the dream team was already getting their gear on. We started to pile into Engine 47-1, I noticed Dave struggled to pull himself up into the truck so I yelled for Cam and he pulled him up into the truck. We rushed out of the station and wet inroute to the scene. “County Engine 47 arrival on scene.” I spoke into the radio. We pulled up and got to work. Dan set up the lights to shine on the scene. I directed Cam, Jason and Brian to get the rescue tools off the truck and set up stabilization. Dave was requested by EMS for assistance. One passenger wasn’t wearing a seatbelt and was ejected from the windshield thirty yards down the road. The driver  was stuck with their legs caught under the dash. Cam cleared the windows and windshield. Jason and Brian began to cut into the door. They got the doors off and began peeling the room back like a sardine can. After that was done we noticed they still were stuck so we set up ram supports and put the ram in place which pushed the dashboard up so we could get the patient out and onto the striker. The rescue went smoothly and went we got back to the station I told them all good job.

After my therapy appointment one day I stopped by the fire house to help Dan wash the engine. He washed the truck and I started getting the tools off to wash them from last nights vehicle accident. The hydraulic tools were easy I just had to brush off the dust and close them without closing it to far so rust doesn’t form. I changed the sawzall blades and cleaned the windshield saw. Dan looked over and told me something.

“Yo Dave, there’s a new guy at the ambo station down the road. He’s talking all kinds of nonsense saying he’s from the city and he’s a emt and used to be firefighter. How about I invite him to lunch with us and we can see if he’s telling the truth.” Dan exclaimed.

I agreed to the plan because I wanted to see if he was someone I recognized. We invited him over to the station and Dan showed him our fine collection of Pierce trucks, only the best of the best. His name was Noah, a little slender fellow who didn’t seem the type to be both a firefighter and emt. He seemed very intrigued about the trucks but didn't seem to know much. I was growing suspicious about his character. I didn’t recognize him from any station I knew in philly.  Lunch time rolled around and we invited him to go with us. He agreed and we went in Dan’s first gen. We met Cameron there who was on his lunch break. We all sat down in a booth in my favorite diner growing up. Me and Cam started asking questions related to ems. He stuttered on most questions. He said for patients who od he would give adrenaline to resuscitate. I face palmed hard because the correct drug is narcan. This was a big red flag for me if he didn’t even know the three basic drugs emts can administer.  As he stared at me confused, a woman across the diner screamed for help. She said call an ambulance her baby was choking. We all shut up from our seats and rushed over to her. I looked at Noah and said “Well Mr. Emt save the baby.” Noah seemed shocked to be tasked with saving the baby’s life. The woman set the baby on the ground and Noah tried to look for a pulse. Before he could mess up further I grabbed him by the back of the shirt and pulled him out of the way. Dan grabbed him so he couldn’t leave. I picked up the baby and put their body against my right arm. I knelt on one knee and flipped the baby onto my left knee having my left arm stabilizing it. I began to give back blows with enough force not to hurt the baby. After three sets the baby spat out the piece of pancake that made them choke. I gave the baby back to the mother and she looked scared. She saw me as a freak because of my face and under her breath she said thank you. Cam told her to take the baby to the ambulance outside to be safe. I stood there not knowing what to think about what just occurred. I looked past that and anger grew as I thought about what Noah did. I turned around and took a hard look at him.

“That’s how it’s done! You don’t know anything, you aren’t a emt. I was a firefighter in philly I knew everyone from every station. You think you can say this and get appraise well news flash you ruined your fake reputation. You make me sick you make us look bad. Look at this look at my face I gave up my life, my body so you can be safe and you repay me by disgracing us. Get out o my sight I hope you never show your face around the station again.”

Cam grabbed me so I couldn’t throw punches at Noah. Dan let him go and he ran out of the diner. I calmed down and a single tear came from my good eye. Dan and Cam walked me out and took me home. Noah was never seen again I must’ve set him straight and made him rethink his decisions.

Many years later, many fires fought and people saved, all seemed to be going well. This company is my life now and I’m happy to serve with every single one of them. My mental health has improved but my scars still show my past. I have moved out of Phil’s home and have my own place. Today I have a doctors appointment, they called and told me to bring someone for support. I didn’t understand, I hoped it isn’t anything too bad. I took Brian along because i figured he’s pretty supportive. I walk in and the doctor does he routine.

“ Hey Dave I’m sorry but today I bear bad news. This is always hard for me to do I always hate to say this. You’ve proved to me that you are a tough guy so I’m not gonna sugar coat this. You have cancer. This a common in firefighters, in your turnout gear is harmful chemicals that are linked with various forms of cancer. I’m very sorry I have to tell you this.”

I fell down into my chair and Brian came by my side. I took it all in and felt weak. After all the things I have done, all the treatments, all the pain, all the loss. It couldn’t prepare me for this. I looked at the doc and spoke what was on my mind.

“I guess agony is the price that you pay in the end. In the end it doesn’t even matter. I’m on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell. If there was a single day I could live, or a single breath I could take. I’d trade all the others away.”

Brian tried to get me up and out of the chair to leave but my legs had felt so weak. Eventually I had to move so I got up and hugged the doctor. He knew it will be another battle and I know now that he will be there to help me fight it.

“County, Station 47 commercial building fire.”

“County, Battalion 47, engine 47-1 in route.”

Jobtown has called upon us again. Engine 47 pulled out of the station full seats. It was pouring rain which made the roads very slick. It was late in the afternoon and a high school had an explosion in basement which caught most of the first floor on fire. Most people evacuated but some were stuck. This was gonna be one good job, we arrived and we started to tap the hydrant. Dan jumped out of the engine to find a car parked in front of the hydrant. He picked a spanner wrench of the truck and broke the windows. Him and the Jr.s fed the hose through the car and pumped water to the line. Brian and I grabbed irons and got with the line which consisted of Jason, Cam, and two others from the other company. We entered the first floor and it was barely visible. I had the T.I.C trying to find any heat. We found a door to the next corridor and sure enough we found heat. By this time it was spreading to the next floor and good enough more companies were arriving. I broke through the door with the halligan to reveal the fire.

“Hit it hard boys! Let's slay the dragon!” I yell as they take the line in and begin to knock it down.

“Brian breach this door, I hear people’s voices!”

Brian smashed his axe through the doors lock and we broke into the room. It was filled with smoke but no fire. I heard coughing coming from under a desk. I yelled out for them to come to us. They were hesitant at first but came rushing out soon after. I lead them out into the corridor and into a classroom that lead to the outside. I broke the window and two firefighters and a Jr. assisted me with getting them out of the building. After that came fifteen minutes of battling on the first floor, we had managed to make it to the next floor. We had heard people screaming down the hall. I took out my set of irons and breached the door. The team started giving oxygen to two of the victims when I noticed something off about the third. He had a piece of rebar protruding from his left leg. I ran to Brian and got some webbing out of his high rise bag and took my halligan bar and axe and splinted his leg using the webbing. The team began extract and they went down the hallway. Brian and I picked up the boy with the leg injury and began heading for the door. Just then the floor above gave out in front of the door trapping us. We set the boy down and I thought of a plan quickly. I grabbed Brian’s halligan bar since mine was splinting the injured boy. I began ripping through the drywall of the nearby wall with the spiked end. Fortunate for us the wall I busted through led to a room to the outside of the building. I broke open a window and ordered the towers ladder be brought up to the window. We dragged the man into the new room, by that time the ladder had reached the window and we got extracted. We carried the boy down the ladder and met ems at the end. Brian and I walked over to the truck to get fresh bottles. We walked back to the entrance and was stopped by Cameron.

“Where you think your going Clancoy? The buildings unstable we are evacing everyone inside and hitting it from the outside.”

“There’s still a kid in there I heard him as we left. You can’t leave them, they won’t make it.”

“You won’t make it if you go in there. Remember the last time you were in an unstable building?”

I grew furious at that moment, so furious enough I throat punched Cameron. He fell to the ground as Brian grabbed me and pulled me back. Phil rushed over to see what was going on. He looked at me and pointed to the truck. I began to walk towards the truck in anger. As I walked over to the truck a car came flying down the road. The roads were so slick they lost control when they missed the turn. The car went straight into another companies engine. Everyone rushed over to the accident. I looked at Brian and pointed up to the ladder which still was by the window spraying in water. He nodded yes and we booked it up the ladder. When we got there I shut off the water so we could enter the room. We started searching through the building, which by this time was fully engulfed. I heard a faint cry two doors down. I yelled for Brian and he followed after me. I couldn’t find the door but I kept hearing him so I began to break through the wall. When we got through we couldn’t find them. Just when we were about to exit to look in the next room, a girl ran out and grabbed Brian’s jacket. We grabbed her and headed for the window we came from. When we got there we realized the ladder truck had pulled away. Brian still had the high rise bag so I started making a rope system to lower him and her down. We set that up and I began getting Brian’s harness ready. After all that was done, I threw over rope and began their decent. Firefighters had noticed what was going on and ran over to assist. When I started pulling the rope back up I felt the ground start to crumble. I knew there wasn’t enough time to hook myself up to the rope. I looked out the window and saw the ladder was backing up to the window. I looked back and the floor started to fall apart. I got onto the window sill and prepared myself. I dropped my pack and my jacket. I took my final leap as the floor fell beneath me. My hands hit the ladder and I held on for my life. Jason was climbing as fast as he could up the ladder, Dan not far behind. Jason reached his arm out and I grabbed it. My other hand slipped off and I felt like I was gonna take Jason with me.

“Let go Jason!”

“You go, we go!”

Dan grabbed onto Jason’s back and started pulling him up with me. They pulled me up onto the ladder and I collapsed. As I fade into the light I say my farewell.Goodbye to my brothers, goodbye to those I have saved. You can’t save them all.

I helped carry the casket down off the engine. Dave passed on the top of the ladder. We pulled him down and ems gave cpr but it was all an act. I knew he was gone. Jason, Phil,  Brian and I carried him over to his resting spot. We all saluted as he went down under. After it was all done I went and looked over his casket. I threw down my peirce hat right on top. I lost a friend so I left a part of me with him.