After a couple of weeks Dr. Andrew tells Mommy it is ok for me to return to school.  For me it is like starting school all over again, I am really nervous, but I just think about all of the kids in my class and how I have missed some of them.  There is this one kid I sit by in class his name is Devin he has an eating disorder, one time he ate six potatoes in like ten minutes, that is why his nickname is potato.  He has to see a doctor like me that is just for special kids like us.  He tries to tell me that I should take my anger out on food and if I done that it would have probably kept him from eating all six of those potatoes because he could have made mad Marshall come out smash the potatoes and then he would not have eaten them.   The kid that sits behind me is named Clay, he is a basketball player. Some people from high school told me Clay's cross over could kill you. Well today he gets to prove it to everyone because we have gym. We walk into the gym to see Coach Paige in her track uniform; she is a two-time state campion. We do are warmup and are ready to play.   Coach Paige throws the ball up, Caleb and Sammy also known as the Roberts brothers, both go for the ball they collide in midair and fall flat on the floor.  I grab the ball and throw it to Clay he sinks a 3-pointer; this makes the Roberts brothers very mad.  I could tell they were going to come after me.  I get the ball again, Sammy and Caleb are both guarding me, and it was a Roberts’s brother’s sandwich. They get two arms on me and push me down hard; I knew they were trying to hurt me. I get up and throw a hard punch at Caleb, knocking him to the ground. When he gets up I noticed his nose was bleeding, oh what have I done.  Sammy sees the blood drip from Caleb’s nose and passes out. Even though I see the blood and in my mind I know I have hurt Caleb I cannot control my anger, mad Marshall tries to get a couple more punches in, Coach Paige tries to hold me back. In rushes Principal Bradley, when I am in this
state nothing can stop me except Principal Bradley.  He grabs me by the neck of my shirt and drags me to his office. He talks to me in a firm voice; he tells me I am going to have to keep mad Marshall in check. After about an hour of talking in his firm voice he explains that the school system is doing everything possible to allow me to remain in a normal school since they are aware of my condition, but he cannot put the other kids in danger.  I beg Principal Bradley to please give me another chance, he eventually allows me to go back to the class room. 
I open the door number two-twelve, you can tell by the look on some of the kid’s faces that I have really scared them.  This makes me sad, I really wish there was something I could do; I don’t want people to be scared of me.  Just when I want to turn and run as fast as I can out that door I see Simone is waiting for me in the seat right next to mine.  She tells me everything will be ok and then she asks what happened in Principal Bradley’s office. I just shrugged the question off, kind of telling her that it wasn’t a great experience.  Thank goodness, we are finally at the part of the day that is my favorite, snack time. I love the little snack packs, they have a mix of chocolate and gram cracker pieces. Then it is time for end of day recess, which is a relief even though I don’t get mine today for the fight in gym, but it means that this horrible day, is just about over. When the kids came back in from recess Simone was still curiously asking what went on in the office, I just gave her that look that I didn’t want to talk about the office experience.  She told me Caleb had to leave because he had to get stitches. I just kept thinking oh no what have I done, why would an innocent child be made this way, why can’t I be fixed, what did I possibly do to deserve a life like this.  I looked back at Sammy he was just
sitting there giving me threatening signs. I slouched down in my seat worried about what will happen after school. Will he attack me when I am walking home or will he beat me up tomorrow at recess. The bell rings, I sprint for the door so I can maybe get a head start on Sammy. I get to the front door of the school, Sammy grabs my backpack, I let it slide of my back and keep on running. Sammy hits the metal siding of the door and just takes of running after me. I sprint down the sidewalk, I see my street sign, and I have almost made it to my street. As I make it to my block a hand grabs me from the bushes. It was Simone’s hand; her white dress had blood spots on it. I see her scraped up hand and knees, I asked her what happened, and she told me Sammy had pushed her down onto the hard concrete when she jumped in front of him to slow him down.  This made the anger build in me, I knew mad Marshall was going to come out.  Sammy had hurt Simone for trying to protect me.  I hear someone coming down the sidewalk.  I jump out of the bushes furious and ready to battle.  Then I realize it is not Sammy it is Elyse. Elyse towers over me like a tree her blonde hair was so thick it looked like a fortress for her head. I was kind of like married to her in the first grade, it was a short marriage though, and we broke up within only a few days.  I was so glad it was Elyse instead of Sammy, there is no telling what I would have done to him.  I pull Simone from the bush and walk her home. After I say goodbye to Simone I start on my journey
to my house, it is the last house on the block. 

While walking down the street I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to live a normal life, no worries about taking medication and having these horrible feelings of rage.  Oh how wonderful that would be.  I open my house door and take off my shoes. I am usually the first one to get home, but not today, I was the last to arrive.  With the day I have had, the first thing I do is grab my medication off the table and take two.  Every day is a race to get to my medication, but today more so than any other day, it is really the only time of the day I feel kind of normal. I have never had a perfect day in my life; I may not always have the extreme rages like today, but most of my days I have some type of issue to arise maybe just small but always something.  After a long talk with Mommy about what had happened, I start on my huge stack of home work; study guides, spelling words, and reading my book for ten minutes. After my shower, I brush my teeth and take my sleeping medication.  I guess I did mention that before, I take medicine that makes me relax so I can sleep, if I did not take the medication, my nerves would stay so tangled up that it would be like just taking little naps instead of a good nights sleep.
Wow it is morning already, doesn’t seem like I was in bed long enough for it to be morning already!  It is really hard to roll out of bed and prepare myself to go
back to school, why can’t I just be homeschooled then I would not have to deal with anyone but my Mommy.  I take my morning medication, brush my teeth, get dressed and head out the door. I meet up with Simone in front of her house to walk the rest of the way to school with her.  My insides feel like a bunch of strings in knots, I know the Roberts brothers would love to get revenge on me.  Simone asked me what I was thinking about; I told her she told me some great news though.  Her mother had talked to someone that knew the Roberts’ Family and they told her that the boys were going to have to behave or they would be explode from school.  This actually made me feel really happy, maybe if they did not pick on me mad Marshall would stay away.  We arrive at school just barely on time. We get into our classroom and Ms. Katherine is passing out our poems we have to read. I am a little nervous about reading mine in front of the class, but here it goes:
“A Millionbillionwillion Miles from Home”
Waiting for the bell to go. (To go where?)
Why are they all so big, the other children?
They are so noisy, why?
They must have been born in uniform.
Lived all their lives on playgrounds.
The people here must have spent years inventing games.
Games that they don't let me in.
The games are rough, they swallow you up.
And the railings.
All around, the railings.
Are they to keep out wolves and monsters?
Things that carry off and eat children?
Things you don't take sweets from?
Perhaps they are to stop us from getting out!
Running away from the lessens. Lessen.
What does a lessen look like?
Sounds small and slimy.
They keep them in the glassrooms.
Whole rooms made out of glass. Imagine.
I wish I could remember my name.
Mummy said it would come in useful.
Like wellies. When there are puddles.
Yellowwellies. I wish she was here.
I think my name is Sewn on something like that.
Perhaps the teacher will read it for me.
Tea-cher. The one who makes the tea”.
Shew I am finished and I did not pass out.  I can tell by looking at Ms. Katherine she thinks my poem stinks, even though she is smiling trying to make me feel like it is good.  I think Ms. Katherine thinks we should be learning and writing 5th grade poetry. I am just not that student; I do not like to write period and for sure do not like to try to pretend to be a poet.  I think Principle Bradley likes Ms. Katherine, he is always watching our class, or maybe he is just there to make sure mad Marshall does not come out!  There is one very smart kid in our class his name is Paul. He always does everyone’s homework, he does it for fun.  His poem was awesome.

Today we get treated to lunch outside, not sure why, it is just a treat.  We have a student Ella who can’t go because she says she is allergic to everything. I have always wondered how she plays lacrosse without dying from all those allergies. When we go outside I always sit next to Simone and her friend Eryn. Eryn always wears a dress; my favorite dress is the poodle one. Instead of eating the nasty school lunch, I bring my lunch box. It has gram crackers, goldfish, and lunchables. The lunchables are my favorite; Simone on the other hand looks at the lunchables with a disgusted expression. The worst part of eating outside is the flies nibbling on everyone’s lunch. One of the only upsides is the wildlife you can see. Like the deer, bunnies, and blue jays. The principle calls us back to class, everyone throws away their trash and we all head back to our classroom.
I slouch back down into my seat as we start Math, it is at the end of the day and by then I have lost my focus. That may be why I always have my lowest grade in math, now language arts on the other hand is my highest grade, maybe because I like it and it is early in the day when I am not so tired. Ugh we have homework again tonight, I hate homework and I really don’t want to study for a Math test.  I am slouching so far down in my seat that my knees are touching the floor.   Simone reaches over and pulls me back up into my seat; I now get a full view of all the homework. It seems like piles and piles of homework cover my entire desk.  Ms. Katherine looks around the classroom to see every student's face, then she leans back in her seat and props her feet up.  She grabs her phone and starts watching Netflix, she always does this when we have a little time at the end of the day to start working on our homework, she calls it her “me time”.   They call first bell, Simone and I walk home together. We talk about how it has been a good day since the
Robert brothers weren’t at school today.  When we get to Simone’s house we see her mom out on the porch with a pie and some lemonade.  She told us the pie was for a bake sale, but the lemonade was for us. This was the perfect end to a good school day; I take a cup and head home.
When I get home, I find that no one is home yet, which is not unusual because I am most generally the first one to get home each day.  I go to the kitchen to get my medication and find a note from my Grandpa.  In the note it says my Grandma has taken my Mommy to the doctor because she wasn’t feeling well and they would not be home until later.  It also said that he had fixed me my favorite dish, a fresh bowl of his creamy mac and cheese.  I looked in the microwave and found the creamy, cheesy bowl of heaven.  I take my medicine and start my homework.  

My Mommy and Grandma finally get home, when they walk in I can tell something just isn’t right, my Mommy’s skin is very pale and she looks as if she has seen a ghost.  She doesn't talk to me she just pats me on the head and walks on to her bedroom and lays down. My Grandma grabs my hand and tells me that she needs to talk to me.  This makes me really nervous inside, she starts by telling me that Mommy has been really sick for a long time and has been hiding it from me
because she did not want me to be upset.  The doctors have told her that she has a terminal illness and then Grandma asks me if I understand what that means.  I slowly shake my head yes.  Grandma then explains that the doctors have said that she will not live to be forty. I swallow hard after hearing about mom if she won’t make it to be forty; she is thirty-six right now. I run to my room tears running down my face thinking about what I will do without mom by my side. I slam the door behind me; I just cannot control my emotions I don’t know what Marshall is going to come out. I picked up the picture of my mom, dad and me together, when I see my dad with us the mad Marshall comes out.  I am so angry that Mommy has to be sick and I am angry that my Dad left us because he could not handle my personality disorder condition, I just cannot control myself.  I throw the picture to the floor and it shatters into a thousand pieces. I just collapsed on my bed and mad Marshall was gone now in my sea of emotions and a new monster is born his name is sad Marshall. I look around my room at the mess I have made I pick up the picture frame that I smashed, the only thing that remained unharmed was a note that I had put behind the picture, it was the note I wrote to mom in the first grade.  It read:
“Ladybugs are known to spread a little luck,
A hug, a kiss, a bicycle,
A brand new toy truck!
Today my wish is special,
And Mom it’s just for you,
Laughter, Love, and Happiness,
And that all your dreams come true!”
Love, Marshall
My eyes water and I swallow hard to keep back another break down. I look at my mother I was so upset I called her by her real name I said, “Isabella can I get you anything”. She asks for a big cup of water so I run as fast as I can to the kitchen to get her the biggest cup we have it is called the big kahuna. We got when we went on a family trip to the Bahamas that was before my Dad left us.   I run up the stairs water splashing everywhere I give her the cup of water she gives me a kiss on the cheek in return. I walk into my room and find my sleeping medication scattered on the floor I pick them up and take them, I hop into my bed and close my eyes tightly, hoping that when I wake up in the morning this will all have been a bad dream.

The next morning, I wake up and get ready to head down stairs all the time dredging to see my Mommy, I didn’t want to see her so sick.  I gently turn the door knob to her bedroom she is not there, I immediately think the worst.   I hear my mom call from the bottom of the stairs, “breakfast is ready”. When I walk into the kitchen she pats me on the head and gives me my breakfast.  I don’t even question why she acts like she is feeling so great, I am just thankful that she is.
I walk to Simone’s house to meet her and we walk to school together. We get there just in time before they close the doors but the Robert brothers didn’t make it in time, me and Simone both giggled a little. We made it to class a little late we knew that Ms. Katherine would give us extra homework just for being a few minutes late. We walk into room 217 to see everyone was gone already. It was activity day we both ran to the gym, afraid that we would miss competing in our events.  When we got there everyone was stretching to get warmed up for events. I had signed up for the ball throw and Simone signed up for the long jump. They called for long jump, Simone takes a deep breath she was the last person in line she needed to get to four feet to beat Clay. She runs up to jump and trips over her own two feet. She sees people pointing and laughing at her; she tears up and runs to the bathroom.  Next they call up the ball throw participates I was nervous but I wasn’t going to let another Marshall take over and make me lose. Simone sits in the stands cheering me on. I am the last one in line Paul has the lead with a great throw. I grab the ball and swing my arm ready to release the ball. I throw the ball way in front of Paul. Simone jumps up and down as the crowd of students’ cheer. I grab my blue ribbon and run around the gym. I felt like I was on top of the world, maybe I was. We got to leave school early that day, Ms. Katherine wasn’t very happy about that. She stood at the door giving packets of homework to every kid that passed. 
Simone didn’t walk home today because she was really embarrassed about the long jump. Her mother picked her up from school and took her to get ice cream, hoping that it would make her forget all about falling in front of everyone.
I walked home alone dragging my backpack along with me, it is really not good for me to be alone, it gives me too much time to think and when I think it is mostly about bad stuff. I know that when I get home I will be alone for a while longer because Mommy will be running late this evening.  After getting the spare key from under the plastic turtle and opening the door I immediately turn on the TV.  I turn on channel thirteen and see the reporter that Simone’s older brother, Allen has a crush on, her name is Nicole. Then I wonder why I even turned the news on, she is talking about all the crimes and bad things that are going on in Bath County. Like my dad use to say, “The world is going to heck” only he didn’t say heck. I turn the TV onto SpongeBob and fix up a bowl of Ramen noodles. I sit on the floor and watch TV shows for a while till I hear a car pull into the driveway. My mom opens the door walks through with a load of groceries; she had even bought all kinds of sweets. I was totally confused why she was this, she knows that with some of my medications I am limited on my sweets, my meds and sweets do not mix well. I asked what she was thinking and she responded with, “You only live once sweetie and with this one life you have to make the best of it”. I held back tears and held her 
hand as I walked out on the grass with her. We lay down on the grass and looked up at the stars in the sky, something we had not done for a very long time; we stayed out there for hours just staring at the night sky.

The next morning I awoke only to realize that it was the last day of school.  What a relief I had made it to the last day of school without seriously injuring anyone and only having to be out of school for a few weeks this year for my behavioral condition.  I could only hope that next year I would not have the Roberts brothers in my class.  I grabbed my backpack and raced out the door, only to find Simone waiting for me on my porch. We walked to school for the last time as third graders. Maybe this will be the day I finally ask someone special to be my girlfriend. I glance over at Simone and look back so she doesn't get suspicious.  I think would she actually say yes to someone as unpredictable as me.  We get to school early today and we see every student from preschool to fifth grade in the gym. We go and sit under the third grade sign and wait. Then Principal Bradley walks in, he touches the mic on the stage and says, “Testing one, two, hello students and welcome to are end of school year celebration”.  He pauses for screams and claps, “I have a surprise for all of you, and I think everyone here knows Ms. Katherine”. He pauses again for a couple yeses and nods, “Here comes Ms. Katherine”. He
gets down on one knee. “Ms. Katherine would you make me the happiest man in the world”. She tears up as she screams, “Yes I will marry you Thomas Bradley”. I think to myself, “Dang she used his full name; nobody in school is allowed to use his full name”. Everyone was jumping and screaming as Principal Bradley gave Ms. Katherine a kiss on the check. Principal Bradley grabbed the mic and told us to go to class but Ms. Katherine’s class would stay in the gym with Ms. Paige.
After the other students left the gym, Ms. Paige, told us she would be one of the fourth grade teachers next year and Principal Bradley thought it was a good idea for us to have the last day of school with her so she could give us a little introductory to fourth grade.  Chills went down my spine when I turned and seen a fourth grader named Stone in the gym with us.  It was very apparent that he was most likely going to be held back in fourth grade next year.  My mind immediately started thinking about how on earth I would keep mad Marshall away, since Stone was supposed to be worse than the Roberts brothers.  One of the rumors about him was that he had been expelled for two weeks because he got into a fight with Principal Bradley.  I thought for a minute maybe he has the same personality disorder as me, but if Principal Bradley can’t calm him down, he must not have his medication regulated.  Maybe he needed to see my funny doctor too, but I sure was 
not going to mention it to him!
The bell rang; we had finally made it to the end of our third grade year!  When I went out the door, my Mommy was waiting outside in her vehicle for me, she told me to get Simone, Elyse, Paul, and Bronc. After everyone is in the car my mom tells us that we are going to get ice cream. We speed off to the new Frosty Freeze.  We had such a great evening, no worries about mad Marshall or sad Marshall, it was just plain old Marshall, I almost seemed normal.

As the summer days went by my Mommy and I squeezed in every ounce of fun we could, we included Simone and some of my other friends as much as possible.  Always in the back of my mind I felt like my mom was trying to make up for something she had done wrong, I really just didn’t understand, so far it had been one of the best summers of my life. 
One day my Mommy woke me early for what she said was going to be a very serious talk.  She began by telling me how she needed me to be a young man now and not a little boy.  I could feel that sad Marshall was coming.  Then she told me that her condition was far worse than what the doctors had originally thought and that she had just a very short time with me, but we were going to live life to the
fullest.  Sad Marshall immediately overtook me; I had these very uncontrollable emotions and had no clue how to sort this mess out.  I ended up back at my funny doctor, only mother told me I was older now and I did not need to refer to Dr. Andrew as my funny doctor.  We talked for what seemed like hours and I left his office with new medication and feeling a little better.  My Mommy and I would talk about who was going to take care of me when she was gone and I really depended on Simone to listen to all of my rambling.
There were moments when it felt like my life was flashing before my eyes I would see my Mommy squeezing my hand as the doctors told her about my behavioral condition and how it was just like any other disease. Then I would see my father lifting me up in the air and running around like I was the wings on his shoulders. Then the day he told me he had to leave for a while I told him I would wait at the door with Mr. Teddy until he got back, only he didn’t return. Then I see myself having my first break down of third grade. My Mommy had always been there for me in every situation.  So many questions rushed through my mind, what I would ever do without her.  There was just no way could I survive without her.

There were only a few weeks left of the summer and mom’s health was beginning to get worse, but she was still pushing through the days trying to fill them with as much fun as possible.  She would tell me “I want you to only remember the good memories Marshall when you think of me”.  One morning, I woke up to find my Grandfather with me and my
Mommy was gone to the hospital.  I knew it my heart this was the end.  I felt so many mixed emotions.  I would be mad Marshall and sad Marshall all at the same time.  My Grandfather told me I needed to go to the hospital to see my Mommy, I really did not want to go I just couldn’t go to say goodbye to her, I just couldn’t let her go.
When the end finally came and I had to let Mommy go I just sat and cried there was nothing else I could do or even try to do. I just could not stop crying.  My Grandfather asked the doctors to come talk to me, when the doctors walked in I looked at them and mad Marshall came out.  I know I promised my mom I would try to keep him in, but I just went into a rage.  I assume they gave me some very strong medicine, because I did not wake up until the next day and I do not remember a thing other than I knew my best friend, my Mommy was gone.
The days to follow were very difficult, I didn’t start school with all of the other fourth graders, but Simone stayed very close to me, she visited every day after school.  I made lots of trips to see Dr. Andrew and he gave me lots of different medications.  He said they were trying to find the right balance for me so that maybe someday soon I would be able to get back into a normal routine or at least whatever my new normal routine was going to be.  Some days I would just sit and think why this was happening, I was just a kid, way too young to have all of this bad stuff happening to me. I have been bullied to the point where my other personalities have come out. My father lied to me and told me that he would come
back but he didn’t and then to lose my Mommy.  I just could not make scents of it all.
Many days went by, I visited Dr. Andrew often and took many different medications.  One day I woke up and decided this would be the day I settled into my new life without my Mommy.  My new normal was nothing what it used to be, the mood swings were often, but they were being managed with medication.  I was finally able to return to school with my other classmates, I was by far not one of the normal students, but managed with the help of Simone to get settled back in.  I would have daily meetings with the school counselor just so she could make sure I was doing alright.  I guess in the end I decided that maybe I would never be normal and that was ok with me.