“Otherwise have you been doing fine?” the doctor peers into my sharp green eyes, awaiting a response.

“Yep, I’m fine. No need to worry doc.” I utter impulsively, without any actual thought to if I need anything else. I just want to get out of here.

“Okay, great! See you next week Kyle.”  The doctor tells me as I sit up from the black, leather seat beneath me. Without greeting him goodbye, I stroll out the room, grasping the cold, steel handle and pushing the door open, leading me to the waiting room.  Everything about this building is so bland, so lifeless. The walls are painted a solid grey, with one tiny window placed near the front desk. Surrounding the empty walls are beige, clearly cheap, chairs that could easily crumple under the weight of someone larger. I look to my left and see Leda, carefully placed in one of the seats. Her tiny figure couldn’t even make the seat crack; she is so delicate, so small, and so precious. Her presence being the only life brought to the building, hell, even this whole town.

I lock eyes with her as we stare at each other for a couple of seconds, every other thought escapes my mind.  Her stunning Celeste eyes seem to keep me in a trans with the only image to mind being Leda. How her long wavy brown hair falls down from her head, off her shoulders and ending on her chest.  How the freckles placed on her face seem to be lightly brushed on and if you even so place your hand on her cheek they will vanish.  Everything about her seems to be so perfect and delicate. God I love her, but she doesn’t love me back. To her I am nothing but a best friend, viewed as a brother. I’ve known her most of my life and her feelings towards me have never changed, nor do I think they will.

I watch her as she stands up from the seat and walks towards me, keeping our eyes locked on each other.

“Hey can we go now? This place is honestly really lame.” She more so demands then questions, obviously irritated.

“Uh, yeah sure.” I reply blankly. In the corner of my eye, I view the woman slouched at the front desk, giving me the most judgemental and questioning look.  Every week I come here with Leda and every time I am given the most offhand looks. She should really mind her own business and not listen in to our conversations. I guess maybe I am doing something wrong or saying something offensive, but either way she shouldn’t be eavesdropping.

I feel a tug at my wrist and realize it is Leda, attempting to drag me towards her and out the door so we can leave. I choose to not protest on the matter and slip out the door behind her, peering into the seemingly empty parking lot. We both trudge over to the single, grey vehicle placed almost perfectly between 2 chipped and faded yellow lines.

The car ride home is filled with empty voices of the songs blaring out of the speakers into our ears. I hear the lyrics, but all the meaning seems to vanish and be replaced by the thoughts of what the doctor told me.  Every time I go there it’s as if I go to receive more bad news to be wedged in the corner of my mind, only to haunt me at the worst of times. I pull into my driveway and stumble through the door, Leda following close behind.

“How was the appointment Kyle?” My mother asks in a sweet and caring tone, but I choose to ignore, being I am not in the mood. Approaching my door, I lightly push it open and hop onto my bed. I stare at the sealing, as if I was having a contest with an inanimate object on who could last the longest without shutting their eyes. Realizing I will come to a loss, I turn my head over to Leda, whom is sitting on the ground, legs pulled to chest, gazing at the window across the room.

“We should go driving tomorrow” she mumbles out the words, making me just be able to comprehend her request.
“Why? And where?”  I question, but already knowing the answers.

“I’m always so bored Kyle... We never do anything fun.  I think maybe taking a drive to that cave would be kind of fun. Yah know, rather than just sitting around all day.” Leda’s mumbles turn to clear as she shifts her head away from the window towards my body, sprawled across the bed.

“Do you mean the one where our ancestors use to sacrifice the babies? I don’t exactly know how I feel about that.” I reply with  worry, but hope it’s not to visible. I really don’t want Leda to think I’m a wimp. I mean, I know I’m not. But that cave is just so damn creepy.

“Awe Ky, are you scared?” Leda pronounces mockingly. Anger fills my whole body and the need to defend my pride occurs.

“NO!!! No...” I blurt out. “Fine.... We can go to that cave tomorrow.” I finally agree to her suggestion.  Regret soon fills my chest but the excitement that is plastered on her face makes it worth it. I really rather not go, but I want to make her happy. She is honestly all that matters to me and if I can make her happy in any way, I will do that.

The rest of the night is spent cuddled up with piles of blankets while watching Netflix. As I slowly doze off, I brush my fingers through Leda’s hair, as she has placed herself on my chest, letting out little breaths. They calm me, allowing all other thoughts to escape my mind. Every time she is with me, with me like this, my whole body floods with nothing but care for her. I continue to slide my fingers through her soft waves, and hold her tightly, finally falling asleep.

-next morning-
I slip my arm through the sleeve of my leather jacket and project my voice through the house, calling out Leda’s name and asking her to hurry up. If she really wants to go, we need to go now. In less than an hour guards will be coming to make sure no one wanders in to the cave. If we get caught, we can go to prison, which I rather not take a trip to.  I still don’t exactly understand why she wants to go there. Inside it is filled with the remains of past infants and it must overflow with a horrible stench. Just everything about it is unappealing. I guess if she really wants to go, which it seems like it, I’ll go with her.

I drag myself over to my black vans and slide them on, while brushing my fingers through my brown curls with stress. The voice of the doctor plays like broken record in my mind. What he told me yesterday, in fact, what he has ever told me, it all has to be a lie, a mistake he made.  None of it can be true. I choose to not believe it because I know if I do, I’ll get hurt. He’s wrong, all wrong.

Leda finally comes rushing towards me, her hair pulled up in to a tight pony tail, bouncing back and forth with every step taken. She quickly stuffs her feet into her grey, worn out doc martens and pushes us both out the door, dragging me towards the car. I rush through morning traffic, receiving many honks from unpleased morning drivers, until we reach the parking lot of the cave, which has a fence outlining the whole area. I grab my phone from my pocket and take it out, checking the time, “7:48am”.

“Okay Leda we really have to hurry this up. There is 12 minutes before the guards get here and we have to be far enough in so they won’t see us.” I tell her the plan as I hop out of the car. She nods in agreement, slides herself out of the car and slams the door behind her, jogging to catch up to me. I scan around the area, seeing nothing but the locked up cave and the vase scenery of tall trees and trails left by passing deer. Knowing we are clear for now, I start looking for a door so we won’t have to climb over the 6 foot fence which is rusting from age and harsh weather over the years passed.  I slowly take myself around the locked up area, until I reach the gate. I glace to the side and read a sign saying “Hidden valley historical site”, with some small, worn out words printed beneath that I don’t care to read. Our town is quite small, and I almost guarantee you this is one of the only historical sites we hold. The meaning behind it is pretty interesting, but this is what we are known for. We are known for sacrificing babies. It is disgusting in my opinion. I glace back to the gate and move my eyes to the handle.

“Are you kidding me!!!!” I yell in anger and frustration. “The god damn door is locked up!” I grab the chains in which are wrapped around several time, to ensure that absolutely no one gets it.
“Chill Kyle, we can just climb over. No big deal” Leda walks up to me and touches my shoulder lightly, it hopes to calm me down. With no surprise, her hand releases my vexation and I free the chains from my grasp.

“Here, I’ll help you up first then I can climb over myself.” I tell her and walk over to the side of the cave. She follows behind and I get on my knees, putting my hands together so she can step on them and climb over with ease. She places her small foot lightly on the palms of my hand and grabs the top of the fence, pulling herself up and over, hoping on the ground with the sound of rocks and cracking sticks beneath her. After I make sure she is over and okay, I reach to the top of the fence, standing on my toes, and jump up, pulling myself up and over. I place my feet down on the ground, peering into the cave. The ground is full with dead leaves and rubble. The more I gaze in, the darker it becomes.

“Are you sure you really want to do this?” I question, hoping that she changes her mind and we can go back home.

“Come on Ky, we don’t have that much time to get far enough in.” She tells me, totally ignoring my question. I huff in response and trudge myself close behind. We both slowly approach the entrance, as if in worry of damaging the rocks placed beneath our feet. I keep close to Leda, as she leads the way further in.  The sound of cars and muffled voices begin to echo through the cave. I look back, in hopes that we are far enough so the guards will not see us.  A bubble of worry and guilt generates in my stomach. I don’t want to get caught, I can’t get caught.  In surprise, I see only a tiny circle of light from where we began. I didn’t expect us to be this far in already. Then again I was more focused on Leda’s strides and the crushed bones filling the stone floor then the amount of time taken. All this seems so unrealistic, the countless bones left behind, how many new lives were lost. The ground is so uneven to walk along, the walls being filled with curves, created over the years. Our steps, even breaths, projecting throughout the cavern. The things I do for this girl, this girl that I’ve known all my life, who I desperately love but she doesn’t back. The things I do are unbelievable.

“Hey Kyle, can you turn on the flashlight on your phone? It’s getting really dark” Leda asks. I nod in response, even though she is facing away. I then stuff my hands in my pocket, searching for my phone. 

“S***” I mumble to myself, not thinking she would hear.

“What?” She turns back, with a questioning look plastered on her face.
“I left my phone in the car...” I reply shyly, looking to the ground.  She is going to kill me. There is no way we can go back and grab it because the guards will be there until 11:00pm; we also have no way on checking the time because Leda doesn’t own a phone. God, I really messed up.

“Are you kidding me? Really Kyle. Oh my god.” She raises her voice in which echoes through the cave, and start walking forward.

“Leda.. I’m sorry.” I beg for forgiveness, but receive no response. I follow her in complete silence, placing my hand on the wall and dragging it along for guidance. I squint my eyes and keep them glued to her back so I don’t lose her in the dark.  I close my eyes for a second, collecting my thoughts, suddenly bumping into her.

“There are 2 paths, where do want to go?” She finally speaks up.

“Uh, which ever” I shrug. She turns to the left and I follow behind, dragging my feet along the hard floor gazing at what I can actually see. The remains of bones and chipped off rock begin to lessen until it vanishes; leaving it smooth and clear. As we carry along, the air becomes harder to breath.  I don’t think much of it though considering we are both surrounded by ancient rocks which leak dust with every gust of wind given.  My throat begins to itch with discomfort and I gain a throbbing headache, my whole body becoming weak.

“Hey can we stop for a second?” I cough out. With every new breath taken, the more agonizing it becomes. Everything hurts, and I don’t understand why. With no response, I look up. Leda is not in front of me.

“Leda!! Hello??” I yell, using all the strength I have, leaving me to collapse on to the ground. None of this makes sense. I can’t breath, it hurts way too much.

“What is going on!!!”  I scream in confusion. Not having any idea to why this would be happening, I remember the sign placed outside the cave before we entered. The small printing that I only scanned over. It said something about toxic air, but I decided to think nothing of it. Oh my god I’m so stupid! It must have said that the air is filled with toxic fumes. I can’t believe I got myself in to this.

“Hey Kyle, what are you doing?” Leda suddenly appears right in front of my face, making me jump. I look up into her eyes; they seem so blank and lifeless.

“Where the hell did you go?” I demand her to answer, but she just stares at me as if I said nothing. I open my mouth to question her again, but as I do so her body starts to fade away. Until the space that used to be her is filled with air. I grab my legs and pull them as close to my chest as possible, wanting all this to go away.  Leda’s voice begins to fill my ears and ring through the rock walls.  I grab my legs even tighter as I watch the image of Leda appear and disappear around me. My name slowly being replaced with her screams.

My vision blurs as so do the screams of Leda. Every important memory of my life I begin to remember clearly, as if I was replaying those moments in time. Memories from my first day at school, to when I met Leda, and when I used to live in Banff, all quickly scan through my head.  They then all stop abruptly, leaving myself with a final recollection.

“Hello Kyle! How have you been this week?” The doctor asks as I place myself in the black leather seat facing him.

“Fine” I reply blankly and look around the room that I have seen many of times before. The walls are left blank, except for the solid white colour painted around us. No scuffs, or chips in the paint, everything perfect.  The desk placed between us is covered with knickknacks and cheesy photos of his family that look like they were overly planned.

“Have the pills been working? Do you still see Leda quite often? Would you like me to up your dosage?” I soon muffle out the doctors words as he begins to pile questions upon questions to me, as he does every week.

“Yes doc, I’m fine. I don’t see Leda anymore.” I reply with little emotion, but knowing what I said was a lie. I haven’t been taking my pills and I still see Leda every day. In fact, she is waiting outside for me.

“Well that’s great to hear! But just remember Kyle, we can never get rid of your schizophrenia, but with these pills we can defiantly get it under control.” He explains to me as I nod in response. I refuse to believe though. My parents, doctor, and even friends are convinced I’m schizophrenic, but I’m not. Leda is real, and frankly my only friend left. All of my other friends left when I started going to this stupid therapy, and when my parents started convincing everyone I had this mental disorder. I don’t though, and no one believes me. No one but Leda.

“Otherwise have you been doing fine?” the doctor peers into my sharp green eyes, awaiting a response.

“Yep, I’m fine. No need to worry doc.” I utter impulsively, without any actual thought to if I need anything else. I just want to get out of here.

“Okay, great! See you next week Kyle.”  The doctor tells me as I sit up from the black, leather seat beneath me. Without greeting him goodbye, I stroll out the room, grasping the cold, steel handle and pushing the door open, leading me to the waiting room.

The memory slowly fades as it comes to an end, and everything comes along with it. I soon hear nothing, see nothing, or even think anything. Everything that was myself begins to drown into an abyss of emptiness, until I am gone.  I am left with nothing but an image left in the minds of ones I have met.

schiz•o•phre•ni•a
noun
1. a long-term mental disorder of a type involving a breakdown in the relation between thought, emotion, and behavior, leading to faulty perception, inappropriate actions and feelings, withdrawal from reality and personal relationships into fantasy and delusion, and a sense of mental fragmentation.
o (in general use) a mentality or approach characterized by inconsistent or contradictory elements.