Why him? Wait maybe it's not why him. No, it's not. It's why now? I'm not one to ask questions but now is a time where it's necessary. I'm just one girl, how much struggle do I need? How much struggle can I take?

I walked along the long hall of the over sized manor I lived in. It was more like a prison. I ran my fingers on the cold walls. I was sad for a long time struggling with pain both external and internal. I had been sad for too long, and now a wave of anger ran through me. I drew back an arm and threw my fist into the cold stone wall of the basement. I cried out in pain knowing no one cared and no one would come and help.

I held back the tears and continued to think about the fact that Ethan was just being held out of my grasp. Like I was chained to a wall and he was being held in front of me just where the only thing touching him were my fingertips.

If Josh hates me, why doesn't he just let me go? Does he like to watch people suffer? Oh wait let me answer that! Yeah, yeah he does like to watch people suffer. It's like candy to him. If you want him to listen all you have to say is "they suffered." and boom he's there.

Then there's Ethan. He's sweet and charming and is beautiful all together, if anyone was suffering he would do all he could to save them. I began to think about what he looked like under his hoodies and t-shirts. What his voice would sound like whispering "Bella" over and over again. I thought about what it would be like to have him hold me in his bare arms. What it would be like if there wasn't fabric restraining us constantly. What if I was able to be like that with him? I shook that thought away and continued walking.

Moments later I bumped my newly broken wrist on a door handle and screamed out. God this hurts! That was about the moment I realized it was a door and the knob felt cold, like it led to the outside. I opened the door and I was right. It led right into the garden that was always a secret to me, and the garden leads to the road...

I closed the door and started to walk again. I don't know why I didn't just run. I didn't even think about it. Then I realized I didn't leave because I had a plan. A better plan than I had ever had before.

The plan was to pack all my clothes as they got dirty, and after a month when they were all packed, I would call Ethan and have him pick me up by the secret garden in his car... Thinking about Ethan now made me think about the one thing I never told him. The one thing that tops the cake.

**FLASHBACK"**

As I danced around the living room as a small child in my pink tutu I fell and hurt my leg.

"Mommy!!" I cried.

"Mommy!!!!" I yelled again.

Getting brave I got up and walked the pain off calling out "mommy?" every so often.

I walked into the basement and found her...

**end flashback**

It was almost to hard to think about up to that part. I never got up the courage to bring the picture of my mom like that again. I was scared and alone in that moment as a child, and I felt that way for the past few years I spent with Josh. It wasn't exactly a good feeling to have either...

I fly over the grey trees

In the grey afternoon sky

My wings black as midnight

Looking for the body that has long since been buried six feet under

People say that angles go to heaven

And demons got to hell

But that's a lie

I'm a demon

I know that heaven is not real

And hell is earth

I know that everyone in hell looks for who they were

I know that everyone is in hell

Always dying inside

Always dying

I fly over the grey trees

In the grey afternoon sky

My wings black as midnight

Looking for my body that has long since been buried six feet under

***

That's how I woke up from the nightmare I was having. I imagined dying and never seeing Ethan again. It was something I couldn't stand the thought of but also liked because I would finally be free of Josh.

"Bella!!!" speaking of the devil....

"Yes Josh?" I asked sweetly.

He walked into the room and slapped me.

"What was that for?" I asked.

"Nothing I just felt like it." he said.

Come to think of it that dream doesn't sound so bad right now.

I snuck out the secret door again trying to get away from everything I could. I never thought I would want to see someone so much in my life but apparently when you love someone enough you will do anything to be with them. I read that in a book somewhere.

"Bella?" I heard someone call from behind me. I turned around and saw Ethan. I ran into his arms and finally let my secret out.

"I love you!" I said and ended up kissing him.

He kissed back and it was crazy!!

***

"I'm leaving!" I said to him.

"I love you." he said.

"Like grown-ups do?" I asked.

"No for real. So don't do anything stupid."

I ran inside and grabbed my things. When Josh saw he started beating me.

"Why do you hate me Bella?!?" he yelled.

"Because you hate me Josh!!!" I yelled back.

He punched and elbowed me in the face and soon I fell. I hit my head in the corner of the bedside table and passed out. The blackness consumed me.

I woke up but not exactly. The darkness was still there.

"She's in a severe coma and brain dead Mr. Moore"

"Please just call me Ethan."

Ethan?

I wanted to call out but I couldn't even open my eyes.

"Thank you." Ethan said and sat down next to me.

"Please wake up!" he cried. "Please."

I felt a tear fall on my hand and he moved. I heard either his or my guitar and he started strumming Say Something.

"Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'll be the one, if you want me to

Anywhere I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I am feeling so small

It was over my head

I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

Anywhere I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride

You're the one that I love

And I'm saying goodbye

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

And anywhere I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something..."

My heart rate increased and the doctor came in.

"Her heart rate just..." Ethan said stunned.

"You need to play for her everyday...it could save her life..."

Everyday Ethan sang and played, and everyday I was closer and closer to the light of waking up. It was always a different song but it was always beautiful. One day Ethan started to cry though.

"Bella, just please wake up! I don't know if you can hear me. I don't know if you care. I can't live without you." He said.

'No' I thought.

He started strumming and I knew the tune instantly.

"Shut the door

Turn the light off

I wanna be with you

I wanna feel your love

I wanna lay beside you

I cannot hide this

Even though I try

Heart beats harder

Time escapes me

Trembling hands

Touch skin

It makes this harder

And the tears stream down my face

If we could only have this life

For one more day

If we could only turn back time

You know I'll be

Your life

Your voice

Your reason to be

My love

My heart

Is breathing for this

Moment

In time

I'll find the words to say

Before you leave me today

Close the door

Throw the key

Don't wanna be reminded

Don't wanna be seen

Don't wanna be without you

My judgment's clouded

Like tonight's sky

Hands are silent

Voice is numb

Try to scream out my lungs

It makes this harder

And the tears stream down my face

If we could only have this life

For one more day

If we could only turn back time

You know I'll be

Your life

Your voice

Your reason to be

My love

My heart

Is breathing for this

Moment

In time

I'll find the words to say

Before you leave me today

Flashing lights in my mind

Going back to the time

Playing games in the street

Kicking balls with my feet

There's a numb in my toes

Standing close to the edge

There's a pile of my clothes

At the end of your bed

As I feel myself fall

Make a joke of it all

You know I'll be

Your life

Your voice

Your reason to be

My love

My heart

Is breathing for this

Moment

In time

I'll find the words to say

Before you leave me today

You know I'll be

Your life

Your voice

Your reason to be

My love

My heart

Is breathing for this

Moment

In time

I'll find the words to say

Before you leave me today" he started crying after the song and my eyes shot open.

"You wouldn't." I whispered sharply.

"You. And I. And what?" he stuttered.

"Yeah I'm awake. Why would you even think about that? How long have I been out? and where is Josh?" I asked.

"Because you were out for so long. About a month. And prison." He answered.

"No. That's not good. And good the mofo deserves to rot in hell." I said.

"Doctor!" Ethan yelled and in ran Matt Smith.

He scanned me with with the sonic screwdriver, schussed me, said "wibboly wibboly timey wimey" and ran out.

After he left Ethan and I burst into laughter and in walked the real doctor.

"Matt Smith?" he asked.

Ethan and I nodded and the doctor looked me over.

"Well if you passed the sonic screwdriver you should be good so you'll be let go soon." He said.

I giggled and said thanks. When the doctor left Ethan just said wow.

About a month after I told Ethan about my mom I woke up to a note from him on my... forehead.

"I" it said.

I found more and more until I couldn't find anymore. They all lea to a note saying,

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I left this morning and I hope I will come back. I am going to serve in the military. I'm not going to tell you not to be sad because 'pain demands to be felt' I love you and always will.

~EthanWhen I got out I stayed with Ethan and we had the time of our lives. I didn't have to worry about Josh our lives were great. And then we found out I was pregnant. We were so happy to find out and then I had the miscarriage. I cried for days and Ethan got worried.

"This isn't why you're crying excessively."

"My mom died."

"What?"

"I was little. I hurt my leg. I walked in and there was blood everywhere. They tell me she stabbed herself about 75 times and then hung herself when she didn't die." I sobbed. "I found her! I walked into it and I've had to live with knowing that it's my fault this whole time. And before I met you I thought about doing the same. Josh pushed me that far. And now we don't get to have a little girl. We don't get that. And that's my fault too."

"None of this is your fault. You are the most amazingly beautiful, and funny, and amazing and I don't know how to say this stuff you are absolutely the most amazing thing ever and I love you. This is NOT your fault and neither is your mom."

"No that's not true I cried running into the other room.."

I slid down the wall crying. Yes he gave me everything I'd always hoped for but I didn't know what else to do. The this that really made me sob was the way he used a quote from my favourite book. I liked that.

Ethan wrote to me everyday and I wrote back. I always went to the pro football games because I knew Ethan liked football a lot. After two games I knew so much about football that I could tell you almost every play they were going to make. I told Ethan in a letter one time that I went to every game. One game I heard someone say something into the microphone that was something like "listen up." I liAbout a month after I told Ethan about my mom I woke up to a note from him on my... forehead.

"I" it said.

I found more and more until I couldn't find anymore. They all lea to a note saying,

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I left this morning and I hope I will come back. I am going to serve in the military. I'm not going to tell you not to be sad because 'pain demands to be felt' I love you and always will.

~Ethan."

I slid down the wall crying. Yes he gave me everything I'd always hoped for but I didn't know what else to do. The this that really made me sob was the way he used a quote from my favourite book. I liked that.stened and I heard the oddest thing.

"Bella Moore. Please start heading down to the field." I started walking down. It would take a few minutes. As I was walking I heard the microphone man talking.

"Bella, you've been through some hard times and I know that that brings back some bad memories. I know that I haven't alway been there and I have caused you more pain than I should have. These past few years you have been to every football game in the area we live in just so you can be reminded of me."

Was he reading a note from Ethan?

"Baby girl I know you didn't want me to leave. I know I should have talked to you before I just up and left you for what seemed like forever. But... I'm coming home."

They said that last part just as I walked out and as I walked out so did a tall boy with black hair with purple streaks in it dresses in a military camouflage uniform. I would know him any where.

"ETHAN!!!" I screamed and started to run to him. I started sobbing the moment I saw him.

When I screamed his name the song Home by Daughtey started playing. I ran the whole field literally pushing some of the players down who were in my way. Ethan was running towards me at the same time. As I ran my long hair flew behind me in the wind and when I reached his arms he picked me up and spun me around. He kissed my lips and held me tighter and even though I was sobbing and getting his uniform all wet with tears I knew life would be better from then on...

Ethan wrote to me everyday and I wrote back. I always went to the pro football games because I knew Ethan liked football a lot. After two games I knew so much about football that I could tell you almost every play they were going to make. I told Ethan in a letter one time that I went to every game. One game I heard someone say something into the microphone that was something like "listen up." I listened and I heard the oddest thing.

"Bella Moore. Please start heading down to the field." I started walking down. It would take a few minutes. As I was walking I heard the microphone man talking.

"Bella, you've been through some hard times and I know that that brings back some bad memories. I know that I haven't alway been there and I have caused you more pain than I should have. These past few years you have been to every football game in the area we live in just so you can be reminded of me."

Was he reading a note from Ethan?

"Baby girl I know you didn't want me to leave. I know I should have talked to you before I just up and left you for what seemed like forever. But... I'm coming home."

They said that last part just as I walked out and as I walked out so did a tall boy with black hair with purple streaks in it dresses in a military camouflage uniform. I would know him any where.

"ETHAN!!!" I screamed and started to run to him. I started sobbing the moment I saw him.

When I screamed his name the song Home by Daughtey started playing. I ran the whole field literally pushing some of the players down who were in my way. Ethan was running towards me at the same time. As I ran my long hair flew behind me in the wind and when I reached his arms he picked me up and spun me around. He kissed my lips and held me tighter and even though I was sobbing and getting his uniform all wet with tears I knew life would be better from then on...