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My Beautiful Nightmare
Author's note: Life. That's what inspired me. Now a days people all around the world re being abused physically and emotionally. They feel as if they will be treated this way forever. I wrote this story to give them hope that it's not going to be like that forever. *None of this happened to me*
The pain I felt on my face was sharp and with each hit more and more tears would flow out of my eyes. My father is drunk…again and I can tell that he feels like beating me again. I once loved my father. To me, he was beautiful. His hair was a dark brown color and his eyes were the same color of the leaves during the spring. Even though his appearance is beautiful. His personality is pitiful. Not one time has he spoken the words “I love you”. He’s abused me ever since I was a baby, and the bruises are still there.
My mother wasn’t always like him. Ever since he started abusing her, she began abusing me. I look like my mom. Jet black hair, eyes the color of the cloudless sky, tall and skin white as snow. Her cheeks, a plum color. The only difference is I’m not like her and the bruises that lay on my skin are darker and deeper than hers each and every day.
My life is horrible! Ever since I could remember, I’ve been planning to run away from this nightmare. I had another option if running away didn’t work: just end it all. The door of my room was the only protection I had but, it was never strong enough. “Niobe!!! Go get me some more beers!! NOW!!” John’s voice was terrifying but at the same time it could also be beautiful. I threw on my sweater, covered my face with my hair and quietly walked out.
Behind me I heard John say “Make sure it’s not light!!” Now that I was out of there, everything seemed so real. My life at home is like a movie. Abused girl who plans to run away. The only person who knows about my abusement is the manager at the beer store. John gets free beers whenever he wants because ever since Nick, the manager, figured out about my abusement, John threatened to kill him.and also included free beer for life as any drunk would.
“Hey Nick, John wants a twelve pack. Anything BUT light.” “Sure thing Niobe, anything else?” I thought about the little kids that I pass by everyday and how they don’t have o home or food to eat. “Yea. Can I have six sodas and six hot dogs? Please?” Nick looked at me confused and had a very puzzled, but funny look on his face. “Sure, nut why so many?” “Well, one hotdog and one soda are for me and the other five are for these homeless little kids I pass by everyday. They have nothing to eat and I just though I should help out”
His face looked worried and he was probably thinking that I was going to eat every single one of those. But then I thought, I had a new bruise, a bigger one on my face. I could tell that he had an urgency to call the police, but he knew that no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t. “Well, do you want me to help you?” I would’ve liked some help, but I couldn’t trust him now. “Um, no thank you. Just put it all in one bag and I’ll be good to go. I can handle it on my own.”
It took him about four minutes to take the bag out and another three to carefully place the items inside. Just as I was going to leave, John walked in. “What took you so long? I’ve been waiting for about an hour now. Where is my beer!!?” I panicked and dropped everything. The sodas spilled all over Nick. “Jo...I mean, dad, the beers are right here. Now just go back home, please? I have an after school tutoring session.” Of course, I lied. I don’t even go to school. I’ve always lied to John.
It was the only way I could survive most of my “punishment” for a crime I never committed. Once he walked out I quickly approached Shawn and apologized. “I’m so sorry. It’s just that I panicked. I’m really sorry.” His face reminded me of John and it scared me. I was thinking out loud and I couldn’t believe what I had said. “Don’t tell me you’re going to beat me to. I already have two people beating me and I don’t need a third” My own words had shocked me and left an astonished face on the man in front of me.
“Niobe! I would never beat you. I...care…for you and I wouldn’t be able to bear the fact if I ever beat you.” I couldn’t believe it. Was he actually saying what I thought he was saying? “I’m sorry that it came out my mind but your face…it reminded me of John when he is about to……beat me. But what do you mean when you said “I care for you”?” ‘Niobe,” he said,” you know very well what I mean. You’ve known for a while now and I know that you feel the same way for me. So, I have a…choice...for you. Run away with me. I already told your mom and she agreed with it. She said that even though she constantly beats you, she’ll always love you and she couldn’t bear the fact that you were living this life. She’ll handle John but please…run away with me.”
I couldn’t breathe or think. Well, all I could think about at the moment was that opportunity to get rid of this life and start it out fresh and new. I could live a normal life.”But…but….what about my things? I can’t just leave mom like that. She’s everything to me. I know that you say that she understands but I’d be the one who wouldn’t be able to bear the fact that I left her defenseless and broken hearted.” He sighed in a way that told me that that wasn’t what he meant. “If you really want to know, your mother was the one who planned all of it. She knew that John was going to beat you because once she brought the news home that she was pregnant with a baby girl, he started hating both of you. She met with my parents and gave them all your information and said that she wanted me to protect you when it was time.”
She really did plan this. But I still couldn’t believe that my own mother wouldn’t tell me about this. “So what you told me about John was all a lie? Was it a lie?” He had a sign of hesitation on his face but I needed to know. Was my whole life made up on a lie? Would he lie the rest of his life? “Yes...it was all a lie but you and John were the only ones who didn’t know so the part where he threatened to kill me was true.” My life had turned upside down when he said that. “I’m sorry,” I slowly said with pity, “but I can’t run away with you. You lied to me my whole life and you expect me to run away with you? I don’t want to spend the rest of my life,” my voice started breaking out and I felt the tears coming out, “with a liar.”
He looked at me with a face of confusion. I had let him down but it was the best. He hated me and I could tell. What have I done? No! Don’t bring this out on yourself. “I tried the easy way. I even tried the hard way but me,” he said, “I’m not a liar. What I did was for you and it was the only way the plan could go through. If you don’t want to come then stay here and get beat the rest of your life,” His voice got louder with each word, “You don’t know ANYTHING!!! I was helping and you just let an opportunity pass right by you. YOU’RE UNGRATEFUL!!!”
He was yelling at me. For the first time he was actually yelling at me. He never yelled at me had up until now. “Nick, I’m sorry but I don’t want to leave here. Not now. I’m not ready. You can hate me and look at me with dirty looks but you knew this was going to happen. My mom stopped beating me and she actually helps me. You know that life at home isn’t easy. I once saw John constantly beating my mother with an evil look on his face. I am grateful because there are kids around the world who don’t survive the abusement. I do know something,” I couldn’t believe what I was about to say, but it needed to come out, “I thought that I loved you, but I can see now that it was just a mistaken emotion.”
I was worried but I just stood there and thought. It’s over between us. We won’t be the same again. I was crying so much and I couldn’t stop. The pain I felt was worse than how I felt when John beat me. It was silent and all we heard were my sniffles and my cries. He finally broke the silence and said, “If that is how you really feel than leave now before you cause me more pain. I’ve already had my heartbroken once. I’m not letting it happen again so just get out.” His voice was tense and furious so, I did what I was told…as always.
Days turned into weeks, and I never even spoke a word to Nick. Something unusual was happening because John was in a happy mood and he never laid his hands the inappropriate way on me. I asked my mother, the only ting she said was that he was soon going away forever. It was true. A few weeks after the unusual change he divorced my mom and married another. He loved her and her children. But that’s how it all starts. My mother married a new man who was named “Chris”. I was afraid at first that he would beat me to, but he never did. My life was beautiful but I needed to fix one thing.
I went to Nick’s house and I knocked non-stop. “Nick! Open the door.” I yelled for about six or seven times. “Please?” He opened the door and I swung myself onto him. I hugged him as tight as I could and I was happy again. “I never lied to you on purpose Niobe, you know that.” Just as he said that I hugged him tighter. “I know that,” I was confident about my words, “but I was mad that day and I was confused. John left and …” He stopped me before I could even ask him if he still loved me. “I still love you, but” I hated the way he said ‘but’, “I can’t be with you. Your mother made it very clear.” He then closed the door on me.
I was confused. He went from loving me to hating me. This time it wasn’t my own fault, it was also my mother’s fault. I ran home furiously. Why could’ve she done that!? I ran through the door, almost breaking it off it’s hinges. “MOM!! WHY!?” She came in limping and Chris was behind her. “Don’t speak to your mother like that.” He had told me in a scolding voice. She put her hand up as if she was signaling him to calm down and to let her deal with it. He slowly left the room with precautions. “Dear,” she said in her gentle voice, “What is wrong?” I had rage in me and I tried to not let it out let.
“You know very well what is wrong! Why did you tell Nick that he can’t be with me!? What possibly mad you think that I still didn’t love him!? It hurts me to yell at you this way but it also hurts me that you told the only man that I’ll ever love that he can’t be with me!!” Tears were forming in each of our eyes. I could see the pain I had caused my mother but she needed to see the pain she had caused me. “I told him,” her voice started breaking up, “because he hurt you and I didn’t want anyone to hurt you like he did again.” “But he didn’t hurt me mom! He loved me.” She looked as if something was on her mind. “If you want, I’ll tell him that he can be with you if he still wants to but only if you hear me out.” I sat down, and I was ready to hear it.”I have cancer and I might not last very long. That’s why I told him. I wanted to spend more time with you. Like mother and daughter.” “Why didn’t you tell me!?” My world was changing and hurting more than ever.
“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to freak out,” she looked as if she was going to cry, “All I want is to spend time with my little girl again.” Finally, she broke out and started crying. Tears were flowing out of each of our eyes. Pain was all I knew but this was different. I felt like my heart was cracking…slowly. “Mom, I’m going to spend time with you until you leave me. But don’t freak me out by not telling me everything…how long do you have?” I was waiting for an answer that I knew was hard for her to say and for me to hear. “Two days.” I was shocked. Time seemed to stop and I was completely blank. I had no words to say and no thoughts to think. I only had two days left with my mother. “I’m going to spend all the minutes you have left with you. I promise it…no, I swear it to you, but, I have to talk to Shawn. I need things to be better between us. I‘ll be right back.” She understood me and replied what I was hoping for her to say. “Ok, dear.” Oh and mom,” I never thought these words would come out, “I…I love you.” Her face had the same expression as I did. “I love you too” We left it at that and I walked out.
Everything seemed to be better in my life. John was gone and probably abusing some other woman, my mom said she loved me too, I’m in school and now the last thing to make my perfect puzzle complete was to get Nick to talk to me. I know the consequences if he says no. It’s a risk I’m willing to take. I tried to walk slowly so I could give my mom time to call him and explain everything to him. He means everything to me and if losing him is an option to make his life better, well then I can’t resist. I finally reached the porch to his house. I seemed anxious but I couldn’t have that expression when he looked at me.
I knocked on the door and before I got to knock again, the door flew open. “WHAT? Why are you here Niobe?” Well I needed to walk slower. “My mom…she said that you can be with me, only if you want to be with me. Before you say anything I want you to know that I love you and if you’re happier without me, just tell me because the only thing I want for you is to be happy.” He looked at me for a long time. He was handsome to me. Everything about him was beautiful and I wanted him to love me to. “Niobe, I need you to hear me out, I love you to but if you want to stay with me then you have to spend these two days with your mom because you’ll have a long time to see me but only two days to see her. Promise me that, please?” He hugged me just as the words came out. “I promise.” He gently shoved me towards my house. “Niobe go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Everything was perfect now. Nothing would change this for me.”
I ran home towards my mom. Tears of joy were flying past my face as I entered our broken home, only to find my mother laying on the floor…lifeless. I ran to her and my tears of joy once again turned to tears of pain. I started yelling. “MOM NO!!!! SOMEONE HELP PLEASE!!!!!” Chris was the first one to come. Neighbors ran to my front door. I closed my eyes as I pressed my wet face to my mother’s face. All I heard were dials beeping on cell phones. A few minutes later I could hear sirens. These people came and took my mom from me. I tried to grab her but the neighbors held me back, one of them were Nick. “NO! BRING HER BACK!” I cried as I watch the ambulance take my mom away.
*Four Years Later*
There’s not a moment that goes by that I don’t think about my mother. I didn’t attend the funeral because it was too much for me. Nick is always there for me and my life has gotten a little better. We moved to Jacksonville and got a new house with the money my mom left me in her will. Everything she had was mine but I never took advantage of it. Just yesterday he proposed to me and I said yes. Nick makes me happy. “Niobe, could you come here.” I walked up to Nick who hugged me as I first stepped outside. It was dark and there were candles lit up everywhere. In the middle of the backyard was a table with two seats covered in beige silk just like the top of the table. He was wearing a black and white tuxedo. “What’s going on?” “Niobe, this is for you. A dinner just for you and me” He led me to the chair and was acting like such a gentlemen. But, he always does. This made me feel much better. I thought it was all a dream but, of course I’d think that. My life has changed so much.
“Niobe, when you said ‘Yes’ yesterday my heart felt like it was going to run out of my chest. It was the happiest moment of my life and at first I was having doubts.” I was concerned with the doubts but I knew exactly why he was doubting. Ever since my mom died, I’ve been a little sad every day. I would cry myself to sleep and everything just seemed to remind me of her. When he knelt down on one knee all of my depression and sorrow just seemed to flutter away. I know, it sounds cheesy. “I understand but I want to let you know that when you asked me, all of those bad days went away. Time seemed to stop and all that was breathing was you and me. That was by far the best day of my life.” We both smiled from ear to ear and he brought the food over. It was my favorite. “I can’t believe you remembered!” “Shrimp rice with chicken? I think I’ll remember that.” We ate and made small talk. It was like he had spent weeks planning today. A little bit farther down the table he had set up was a dance floor. “Did you plan all of this? Nick, it’s beautiful. I can’t believe you did all this for me!” “I’d do anything for you. You’re my life now.” Everything was like a fairytale until the old memories came from the past.
I started seeing memories from when John made me watch as he hurt my mother and the pain I felt was coming back. Tears started rolling down my cheeks but I didn’t want Nick to know. “Niobe, what’s wrong?” I had to lie, I hated lying. “Nothing. I’m just so happy.” He smiled as I cried. Today was perfect and I wasn’t going to let some stupid memories from the past ruin it. “Nick, what if John comes back and takes me? What if he got tired with his other wife and children and wants to beat me again?” He pulled me closer. “I won’t allow it to happen. You’re of age to take control of your life and he can’t take you.” “Thank you but all this thinking is making me tired. Is it ok if I go to bed?” HE looked sad but he knows about my life and how sometimes I can’t handle the pain. “Sure. I’ll just start putting the things away. You go on.”
I walked slowly, afraid that I would fall down. My head felt like I was spinning and I didn’t want Nick to find me suspicious. Should I run and leave him here alone for a while? My life was full of questions. Finally, I got to the room and changed. I threw myself on the bed and the next thing I know, I’m sleeping. I could tell I was dreaming because I was standing in the middle of nothing. It was completely white, like the movies. But I could see my mother standing with a man and a woman who seemed to be her parents. I tried to move but I couldn’t. Was this a dream or a nightmare? I couldn’t react as I wanted to. I tried to shout but nothing happened. Suddenly they faded away and John replaced them. I could see myself on the floor as he beat me with the lamp he pulled of the table. Just as he rose his hand to beat me again I woke up.
I was shocked and at first it all felt so real. I had only slept for about four hours and with that dream, I couldn’t go to sleep again. I woke up and quietly went outside trying not to wake up Nick. I looked at the stars and though of my life. Tomorrow would be the day I would get married and I was starting to feel anxious. Chris, my mom’s husband and my step-dad, offered to walk me down the aisle and pay for my dress. Then, I though of my life as a child. My childhood was not the kingdom where nobody dies. It was the complete and utter opposite. As I looked at the stars, I could see my mother’s face. I truly missed her and it makes me upset that she can’t see how much I’ve accomplished. I’m a journalist for the newspaper and I’m also and the channel news. My life went from horrible to beautiful. I have the life that I used to dream about. “I miss you mom.” I whispered as I glanced one last time to the stars.
I crawled back into my bed again trying not to wake up Nick and slowly drifted to sleep. This time I dreamt of my wedding and how amazing it would be. Everything was white and there were red roses everywhere. My mother was in the very first row, tears in her eyes and mouthed the words ‘I love you’. This dream was perfect and I really didn’t want to wake up. The song was slow and a perfect melody for my pace. I saw Nick at the alter and everything seemed to stop. Time and the music and everyone disappeared. Before I could get to Nick the alarm rang.
“Niobe, I’m leaving. I have to go get ready for the wedding. I’ll see you at the alter.” He gave me a kiss on the cheek and left. I got up just as he closed the door and called my best friend Randi to help me get ready. She lived next door but I always call her for help. When she got to my house I already had the dress on. She helped me with the make up and by the time she finished we left. The wedding was on the beach and the scene was beautiful.
The song I dreamt came on and it was time to go down the aisle. I tried to walk slow but I wanted to see Nick. I finally reached the alter and when I saw Nick I calmed down. The priest said the normal and I barley understood what I said. All I though about was Nick and the words ‘I do.’ Finally it was time. Nick said in his gentle voce “I do.” “I do” I said it and it came out softly as I had ever said any words. “You may now kiss the bride.” He kissed me and then I knew that Nick was my life. He gently pushed his face away from mine before our audience started to clap. This was the end of cruelty and the beginning of a fairytale.
Roses were being thrown everywhere and I couldn’t stop thinking of how I managed to get through this without passing out. Nick was my life and I didn’t want anything to break us apart. When we got to the end of the aisle, I saw my mom at the alter waving and saying “I love you” then she faded away. I knew that today was a perfect day. This was the beginning of being with my childhood sweetheart, Nick…forever.
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