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Katie R.
Rock Star Cinderella
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This book has 14 comments.
I’m sorry, but I couldn’t exactly enjoy this.
Me!! (You don’t need two exclamation points, one will do.)
No one actually introduces themselves like that.
Try someone calling on her name. Show, not tell.
Again, too much showing not enough telling.
Most boy bands don’t have mosh pits at there concert.
“[T]hank you!”
Started raining really hard? Look in a Thesaurus for better wording. The dialogue isn’t very realistic. Try reading it out loud. Does anyone really talk like that?
I don’t think anyone says NYC instead of New York City when talking.
The story has potential, but it’s hard to see behind the grammar mistakes. You need to add more descriptions of the people. We don’t even know what the ‘hot boy’ looks like.
:)
I love this story so far! I like the idea & how instead of her being your typical Cinderella, you know, glass slipper and all, she drops her fingerless glove...Which is pretty awesome! (:
Obviously, the story has a few problems, just as every good story has....
The grammar was a bit off at some parts and the sentences can be choppy...& I agree with one of the people down there...Things just happen too fast! But that's okay, that happens to me too!
Sometimes, with the dialogue, it sounds a bit repititious and, sorry, sometimes boring. I mean after the actual sentence that the character speaks...Like "she replied" or "I said"...Sometimes those are repeated too much and it kind of brings down the whole story...
Now that I've rambled on like an idiot ;)
Overall, I liked it a lot! (: You should really keep writing it! I want them to actually be able to talk!
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Favorite Quote:
"If only, if only, " the woodpecker sighs<br /> "The bark on the trees was as soft as the skies"<br /> As the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely<br /> He cries to the moo-oo-oon, "If only, if only"