Have you ever wondered what it would be like, if you lost a hero that you love? Someone you look up to, who inspires you to be a better person. I want you to think of your hero, and it could be a person that makes the city a better place, like Spider-Man (which is one of my heroes) or could be a person in your family, or even someone in a movie. We all have heroes, or people that inspire us to be better. So. What if you lost your hero? There’s silence. 

      In my favorite movie, Spiderman No Way Home, Peter Parker (played by Tom Holland) has to deal with the tragedy of his Aunt May dying by Green Goblin or Norman Osborn (played by William Dafoe). After the tragedy, Peter sits in the rain on top of a building. In this cinematic scene, he is looking at the billboard when the news is playing. He just sits. In silence. All you can hear is: the sounds of New York, the reporter; Jay Jonah Jamenson talking to you. And you hear rain. There’s silence.

When I hear rain, I definitely think of the silence that comes with it. The one singular thing I hear is my imagination, and my thoughts. But yet, it is still silent. I am beyond certain that I can't think or process problems that trouble me. People around me say to not dwell on the past, to forget the former things. Yet, I keep getting so caught up in my thoughts, to the point where I feel like I can't breathe. It makes me silent.

       My hero died around September of 2022. I loved him so much. He would always make sure I’m doing okay, just with a simple text of “hey! how are you doing?”. I am in the band at my school , and during marching season he would always come to the football games/ our performances, even when marching season was over as well, he would come to my concerts: prism concert, winter and spring concert. When I was a freshman in high school, he would come to some of the baseball games that we had. He was so supportive in every way imaginable. And he was my Grandpa. When he passed, I felt empty. I’ve had other heroes in my life, some of them have passed too, however, they didn’t mean as much to me as my Grandpa did.  I have always been scared to lose my loved ones. Taking that moment of silence during his funeral, or his burial was a drastic weight. I knew it was. When I was at his house a couple weeks after his death, it was prolonged that it was quiet. I was quiet. Once again, the silence comes with a weight, and heavy burden. I have one of his hats he used to wear almost every time he goes out. Everytime I look at it from across my room, it is like my mind has left my body. It makes me feel empty inside. People would either make jokes about me, tease me, or even mock me with what I have been dealing with. So I was silenced. The jacket I have from him makes me feel like he is still with me, somewhere. Everytime I put it on, it makes me feel warm, and loved. I knew he loved me no matter what. With that, I picture every time I have hugged him, and how much I loved him. So sure, in reality I have some ways to remember him, in my own special way. Yet I am still left in the dark, cold, mysterious silence. 

           Though it is certainly mysterious, the darkness helps me see clearly. Take this for instance, when you walk in your room, in the complete darkness, you can’t see. You are trying to get to the light switch. However, you trip, and you trip, and you fall, and it’s an ongoing cycle. However,  just because you trip, and fall, doesn’t mean you won’t get the hang of it, or not get to the light switch. The more you go through that darkness, the stronger, and more courageous you become about getting through it to reach that light switch, or goal. But why? You constantly learn from where you tripped and fell, or stubbed your toe, and you realize that is not the right way to go or right step to take. Silence is darkness, yet, it is conceived into light. It helps set up a contrast between the real and the fake. Silence gives us the clarity we need to calmly face challenges and uncertainty.

          Spider-Man once said “No one can win every battle, but no man should fall without a struggle” and “You are much stronger than you think you are, trust me”. As mentioned before,  I absolutely love Spider-Man, he is a hero to me too. And the quotes mentioned above, and watching Spider-Man movies helped me get through the grief of my Grandpa. So, even though, in the silence, I am stranded with my thoughts, and how I have to deal with the tragedy of someone so close to me, and that I love. I know what he stood for. He stood for love. My Grandpa loved me, my family, and his friends. He was my hero. And he still will be. I realized I get numerous traits from him, such as compassion, empathy, and affectionateness. I know, deep down, my grandpa stood for what was right, and he didn’t let anything drag him down. Even with cancer, he was still fighting for what he loved. Which was my family. He died knowing that what he did was right.

     So, what would it be like to lose your hero? You learn new things about them that you never got the chance to. So even though I am put into silence by others, or I am in the silence because of me, I know my Grandpa will give me courage. I know that he has got my back. I will always love him for it.