Giving up sailing at school has been on my mind lately. The feeling of self-confidence crashed less than one second into the fall sports banquet, the feeling of my future was destroyed. I wasn’t breathing at that point, I knew my parents wouldn’t be happy and I had let down the people who supported me. When I got into my room, my roommate left the room quietly, my face had already told him the result. I was mad; I swiped everything on my desk down to the ground, and punched the wall until the wall become red. My madness was for myself. Why am I worth living?
Sailing in school is a fall and spring sport, I want to quit because I lost hope of achieving more. I was on the varsity sailing team for three years, and I thought I could use sailing to be my stepping-stone and lead me into my dream university. I contacted the coach at a university that had a great architecture program I wanted to attend. The coach told me to get an achievement award from school or other places to prove myself. I was so confident. I thought I could do it by my hard work in practice, by racing in as many regattas as I could, by sailing through fatigue, by getting in the water even when I didn’t want to. In the last regatta I placed the highest I’ve ever placed in my culver sailing career.
I won’t say that the award was given to the wrong person, the coach might have his reasons, but I don’t want to face it. I’ve never got that mad at myself, maybe I’ve never got that disappointed; I thought I could always predict my future. My mother told me in a serious voice: “There is no such thing as best effort, you are just wasting your time on things you are not good on, how many years have you been sailing?” My coach in Hong Kong Yacht Club said: “What happened to you? You were a potential sailor. ” These harmful comments are still floating in my mind. Either I can put more effort on it, or I can give up.
I will give up all regattas and just cruise when I feel like it.