Living with depression and anxiety is something i'm trying to overcome. I am fourteen years old, almost fifteen, and as a child I have lived with anxiety and depression without even knowing. I find it difficult to remember my early years from when I was younger. I’ve defined myself as more anxious than most people as a kid. School was the main thing that kept me going I loved learning and doing homework but at the same time I was confused emotionally, and I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore, things started falling apart my family and in myself, so my grades in school were affected badly. It wasn't until I turned thirteen, when I was forced to decide there was something “really wrong” with me. 

When I went to my school, I had troubles trying to fit in and there was a lot of people in each of the classrooms,it was terrible all the kids would pick on me because I was different, I was also the shy kid, always, but it wasn’t me being shy, it was me having an inside panic attack and it made me feel so useless.On top of that, I felt no acceptance anywhere sometimes even in my own home with all the stress, my parents were divorced when I was young and I had to live with my abusive dad, he neglected us, he wouldn't feed us and he was never there, so it was up to my sisters to take care of me,  while my dad bought himself expensive things. My brothers and sisters didn’t care about anything but themselves, so they didn’t take care of me, instead they would beat me or throw me out the window.But it's not their fault, it's only learned behaviors from my dad. So it led up to me crying a lot and even running away for days to my friends house “drinking my problems away”. At the time I was talking to my mom and plan days together at first, then at court my mom won. So I started living with my mom .After that I realized it's me, I'm not communicating enough to anyone. I needed to try harder, I needed to think positive, i needed to keep away from triggers for me, and I needed to talk with people so that they understand me, so that I understand me. Being depressed wasn't part of my identity yet. But when it was time for me to see therapists and  professional doctors for the first time, I had someone tell me I was clinically depressed and I needed “antidepressant medication”. So for months i've been taking medication, but at first I didn't like it because how it made me feel. It was my first time, and   I didn't know at the time, I thought that it was supposed to be that way, so I tried to adapt to it.

Eventually I made some friends that have been through some of the the same experiences as me, we were both new kids looking for the right friends. I didn't talk at all and just stared at her and she pretended I wasn't there. But then she came up to me and started talking to me. We got along very well, all the time, even after a fight. That day I started opening up to other people and made more friends, which was awesome. Which also meant that I opened up to my therapists a bit more and found some coping skills that could help with my anxiety, as for depression I talk about the things that bother or upset me.

In the end of all the chaos, learned that I am a person who had traumatic experiences but i won’t let it get it in they way of my life.