It was 6:30 A.M on a Saturday when it happened.

I was in the shower, letting the soapy water engulf me as my thoughts were engulfed by an upcoming school project whose due date was approaching dangerously close and for which I had expertly procrastinated for several days.

That's when I heard the wail from outside the bathroom. It was morbid and animal-like. But I recognized the voice as my mother's and could also identify subsequent sounds of struggle.

Panic arose within me, But with it also came a tinge of exasperation. He had done something. Again.

I quickly washed myself and wrapped a towel around my bare body and stepped outside. Despite other, more important concerns running through my mind, I couldn't help but feel exposed with nothing but a towel around me.

The howls and the noises of a scuffle were being emitted from the kitchen, so I tip-toed there with as much swiftness as I could muster, careful not to let my wet feet slip. The scene that awaited me in the kitchen horrified me. 

I saw my mother struggling against the firm grip my father had on her throat. Involuntarily, I unleashed a scream. It was rugged and coarse, but its desired effect had been accomplished. Father released mammy from his clutch and walked away, grumbling under his breath.

Mother was on the floor, reduced to tears. I tried to hold back my own and asked her "What happened?" "That idiot, he peed in the sink. The sink, because the bathroom was occupied. He peed on the utensils and I have to clean up after him" she screamed, her voice making no attempt to hide the disgust and contempt she held for him.

I was shocked. My father had never put any efforts in parenting, never tried to be idealistic and never cared for anything but his secret stash of pills and his alcohol. Yet, this was a new low, even for him.

I bit my lip vehemently, trying to stay calm as I dressed myself up for school, watching in vain as my mother clutched the cleaning liquid in her hand, her face reflecting helplessness and pain, before I had to leave.

I remember coming back from school and finally getting what I yearned for all day: privacy. I kicked off my shoes carelessly, threw the bag off my shoulders and knelt down, sobbing loudly and sorrowfully. I did not care that there was no one to comfort me as my wails reverberated off the walls aimlessly. I did not care that I had a project to work for, and that the teacher would be unrelenting despite any excuse I offered. I did not care that my hands and clothes were covered in snot and drool, leaving me disgusted with myself.

I just cried.

I decided two things that day.

I shall never marry, because marriage is nothing but a lie. A painful, torturous lie.

I shall never have children, because I would not wish the agony I went through upon anyone.