Let's just say Stacy is a girl, let's say she's a senior in high school. This is not a story about Stacy though, this is a story about her family. Stacy’s family is a crazy one, to say the least. To start off, Stacy's mother and father are divorced so she now has 3 sides to her family because of the new addition of her step family. Funny story about her step family, when her mother, Joan, and step father, Patrick, got married, Joan’s sister and Patrick's sister got in a girl fight at the wedding! Stacy and her sisters had a blast watching her two aunts battle it out over the fact that they didn't want to welcome the other into their family. By the way, when I say girl fight I mean two grown women, in their fifties, full on pulling hair, scratching eyes, slapping around… It was really a sight to see. Stacy gained three new step siblings, Emilia, Samuel, and Pete. Emilia has never even called Stacy her step sister because she is too stuck up to accept anyone new in the fam, whatever. Samuel is extremely nice but he brings a new girl to every family party, we have family parties every Sunday so you can imagine the concern Stacy has for Samuel's life choices. Pete is 19 years old and at their last family thanksgiving dinner he decided to drop FIVE bombs at the dinner table for the whole family to hear: 1. He totaled his car 2. He lost his license 3. He lost his job at the local grocery store 4. He flunked out of the local community college (Stacy did not know that was possible) and 5. He got his girlfriend pregnant (She is also 19). Pete is now living with his baby mama but they are both dating other people… Stacy knows this won't last long. Also, not to mention, Pete's baby mama tried to beat up Stacy for stealing her curling iron when in reality it was in their room in the drawer the whole time. What a lovely gal… Stacy has been apart of her step family for four years now and needless to say they all still don't talk to her because they're all stubborn and hate the fact that they have new family members. But enough about Stacy's step family, let's talk about her real family! For starters her mother and father are 15 years apart, so when her dad was going into sophomore year of Highschool her mother was finally born! Her aunt, Claire, is the mother of two of her cousins, Kevin and Margaret. Kevin is not only flamboyantly gay but he loves to come to family functions in gold shimmery tutus and tank tops and one time he came to Christmas dinner in an American Flag speedo (Not an exaggeration, Stacy thought it was great). He also swears like a truck driver right in front of his baby cousins which forces Stacy's other uncle to not come to family get togethers because of Kevin's non stop swearing and tutu wearing. Stacy's other uncle refuses to bring his children around Kevin because he believes his kids will “catch the gay” from him and that is the most absurd thing Stacy has ever heard but his uncle won't budge. Kevin's sister, Margaret, has a pet rat who she kisses goodnight to every night before bed. Margaret is also dating a boy in the marines who she has never met before but has talked to him via Facebook chat and claims she's in love with him. The whole family knows she's getting catfished, and on some level, Margaret knows too. On another note, both of Stacy's real sisters have flunked out of college by their second year for partying too much so the whole family is just waiting to see if Stacy even makes it that far! One of Stacy's sisters has had a boyfriend now for one year and she is pressuring him to marry her even though he isn't ready yet. Despite his feelings Stacy's mother went to his house to threaten him into marrying her other daughter (she claims she was joking but still that's weird) so Stacy wonders how effective that will be. Now then there's Stacy's uncle, Fred, who was married to a women named Sarah. Now Fred used to try on Sarah's clothes when she wasn't home and one time she caught him. I'm sure you can imagine what happened to their marriage when Sarah finally realized her husband had been a crossdresser for the past 4 years! Now Stacy's uncle is single and no longer cross dresser because he is too busy at his new law school, which the only reason he is there is because Stacy’s grandpa forced him. Speaking of Stacy’s grandfather, after his wife (a lady who loved to cut the cheese, I swear, Stacy always wanted to stay away from whatever she ate cause damn) had passed away he found a new buddy, a puppet! He would bring it to all the family parties and try to do ventriloquism with it, even though he sucked. He slept with the puppet, fed the puppet, bathed the puppet. Stacy was weirded out to say the least but knew that was his own way of coping with the loss. Now, thankfully, the puppet is gone but he has a new girlfriend who is half his age in Miami who he met through Skype. Not to long ago though, Stacy found out he then flew to Columbia to go marry a different girl (who he also met through Skype, which Stacy doesn't know how one can meet people through Skype, but ok???) who is much younger than half his age and is now living with her and will not speak to the rest of Stacy’s family. Stacy’s mother believes that his new wife is forcing him to marry her for his money, even though he doesn't have that much, and will hold him hostage to try to get more money out of the family. Stacy’s aunt says she doesn't care if they hold him hostage, she isn't going to save him. This is some of the crazy day to day drama Stacy has to deal with at home. Now picture this I have only talked about an extremely small fraction of Stacy's family, can you imagine? I can.

Let's just say Stacy is me, let's just say this is a story about my family.