Brandon,

Writing to you now reminds me of five years ago when you went to basic training straight out of high school and mom had everyone write letters for you. If she hadn’t told me to, in all honesty I probably wouldn’t have. That sounds kind of bad, but did you even care? You were 19 at the time. Did you really care that your 13 year old sister wrote to you about the menial things going on in her life? I felt uncomfortable whenever I was asked to write to you. Yes even now I feel as comfortable as a dog wearing little footies. I never know what to talk about with you. We don’t know each other; at this rate we probably never will.

If you aren’t deployed somewhere you’re living in Florida, so I hardly ever see you anymore. Every now and then you’ll call mom and dad. How sad is it that I don’t even have your phone number? What kind of sister does that make me? How sad is it that you never bothered to give it to me? What kind of brother does that make you? Is the only reason you bother calling because of mom and dad? If you didn’t feel obligated to call them would you bother calling at all?

I confuse myself. I want you to call me, but I also dread the moments our parents hand me their phone saying it’s you. Us talking to each other is awkward. It’s like waving to a friend in public only for them to not notice and walk away, so your left waving to nobody. It’s even worse than writing letters. Talking to you on the phone is in the present. I don’t get a couples of days to gather my thoughts and write them all down and send it. I have to think of questions and answer on the spot. More often than not you’re left to fill the awkward lull in conversation created by me. You usually use that lull to try and be a generic big brother. “Kylie you better not be dating some guy, or else I’m gonna have to beat him up.”. You’re going to buy a plane ticket and fly all the way back out here to beat up someone? You’re not the only one who is generic though. I only ever ask you “how has your day been?” “what have you been up to?”. How cliche can I get? It makes me sad I don’t know enough about your life to ask anything different.

I want to be able to have a relationship with you. I want to get to know you more. You're my brother I should know you better than I do, but I know little to nothing and I think that’s a problem. How can we call ourselves family we know nothing about each other. I can’t accomplish this on my own. You have to want it too. Do you? I would hope so. I think I’ll start by asking mom for your number. It’s the first step in the right direction for me to get to know you. What will be yours?

Love,
Kylie