As I sit here in my bedroom I call upon her name. I want to find myself and only through her can I do that. I do as my counselor recommended; deep breaths, inhale, exhale and again, inhale, exhale. I'm there. It is as if I am weightless, like I am in space where there's no gravity. I am free! I walk up a few stairs and end up in a bedroom. I'm in “her” bedroom. But, there's no one there except myself. I walk towards a bed. The bed has this big, cozy, soft baby blue blanket. I cradle myself up against the corner of the wall where the bed is pushed up against, and I wrap myself up. But, not in the blanket,but in my arms. Only then do I feel “her” arms around me as well. I am not in a bedroom anymore. I am somewhere black and dark with only with a couple stars,but only one catches my eye. This one particular star is the most brightest and shiniest one of them all. It's “her” star. My nanny(grandma)!!!! I only know this because she is always there even though she “really isn't there”. I now feel her hand through y hair. She is humming a soft whisper, almost like a song. She tells me the only way for it to get better is for it to get worse. Like a bruise, once you get one it looks nasty and as it heals it looks nastier and nastier and then you go to look at it again it's not there anymore because it healed and the wound I gone because you allowed it to heal. She now stops stroking my hair and kisses my forehead and whispers to me,”Faith, strength, believe, forgive and repeat.” That's all?!?!? and why repeat I ask? But, all that's left is an image of a bruise. I begin to do deep breaths again, inhale, exhale, and again, inhale, exhale. I'm back. I feel calm, numb, at ease, and warm all at the same time. The warmth is near my heart, but not my heart itself, like in my soul. The warmth is also by my forehead where she had given me a kiss before leaving. I am ready to take on tomorrow. I'm ready to live my life as myself until my time comes. Until then and again.