He was shorter than I imagined. Although small framed, his smile shone with confidence that made him seem like the most robust man in the world. My jean-clad legs bounced rapidly against the smooth plastic of the misshapen chair. My eyes were fixated towards the light spilling in from the ample windows of the vast room. It made the floor appear freshly polished, and the perspiration on my pale skin glisten. His voice echoed through the room, his words dripping with enthusiasm.

“Hey there!” He smoothly approached my tense figure in short strides, his smile never faltering as his eyes scanned the room we were located in.

“Hello,” I mumbled out as a nervous smile crept onto my face. I wondered which was trembling more, my hands or my voice. My grip tightened around the neck of the wooden instrument, attempting to mimic the grasp my conscious had around my throat. My eyes flickered towards the sheet music resting on the stand less than two feet in front of me. Although I had spent days on end practicing the piece, looking at it then felt as if I was trying to read a language I had never seen before. I hadn’t noticed his close vicinity until I heard the sound of a chair similar to mine being dragged swiftly towards me.

“It’s ***, right?” He paused before continuing, “As you probably already know, my name is Mr. Brown.” He shuffled through an indigo folder, pulled out a sheet identical to mine, and yanked a blue ballpoint pen from behind his left ear. I nodded in response, not realizing his eyes were focused on something else. Just then, a heavy door swung open across the room--the same one he had entered through only moments before. He glanced up for only a second before continuing to scan over the paper steadily. “Hey Martha!” The petite girl wearing gray was struggling to carry in an instrument almost double her size. “She just finished her audition.” He paused, closed the folder, and rested it gently on the floor below his chair. “She did quite well if I do say so myself.” I caught another glimpse of the girl, noticing the satisfied smile she was sporting. Insecurity flooded my veins as I began to doubt myself.
And that was when it started.

My face flushed a subtle scarlet, my emotions urging me to spill the tears building behind my sealed eyelids. The overwhelming feeling was undeniable as I dug my nails into the callus skin of my palm. I found myself unable to dismiss the envious red tides swirling within my stomach, crashing with the want for someone to speak so highly of me. The jealously quickly turned into embarrassment as I realized how childish I was reacting. I was never one to doubt myself; I am a firm believer I can achieve anything I set my mind to. Yet something about this felt intimidatingly unachieveable, as if I had already let myself down. I could taste the metallic flavor on my tongue, causing me to release the pressure of my teeth biting into my sensitive cheek. My eyes shot open as I heard him clear his throat, scratch the back of his buzz-cutted head, and mumble out an apology. “Shall we begin?” He looked at me with the same content smile he displayed from the minute I first laid eyes on him. I simply nodded, afraid my voice would give away my weak mental state. I propped the instrument upon my shoulder, as I had done hundreds of times before, and waited with dwindling patience for him to queue me in. “Why don’t we start with a simple D Major scale, two octaves.” My heart was thumping against the cavern of my chest with a strength that made me fear he could hear it. I placed the pale yellow hairs of my bow onto the corresponding string, and began to do as he asked. My nerves had an obvious effect on my playing, an occasional out-of-tune note or shaking of my bow was common, but nothing too crucial to add to my already high stress level. Even with the end of each scale played, I could feel the underlying tears resting densely behind my eyelids, waiting for me to finally break down like I had wanted to do since I began the audition. However, I held the instrument strong and played with the last ounce of confidence I could muster up, telling myself, You can do anything you set your mind to. Note after note was produced, dragging the sleek bow across the various-sized strings of the elegant cherry coloured instrument. The music drowned my ears, making it easier to forget my stressful position as the piece came to an end. I brought my instrument back to resting position as I took another of the many deep breaths I had already taken that day.

“You seem nervous.”

“I am,” I spoke truthfully, knowing there was no hiding the shaking of my hands as I attempted the steady the violin on my also-trembling leg.

“There’s no need to be nervous, I’m a relaxed guy,” he announced with a grin. “At least I think I am.” He face shifted to a bright smile as he produced a hearty laugh from his throat. I couldn’t bring myself to reply as my eyes nearly burned holes into my shoes from such intense staring. “So, ask me a question.”

“What?” I craned my tense neck to look at the man, unaware the audition wasn’t at it’s end.

“Ask me a question,” he stated again, as if I was it would make me understand his request the second time. “Anything you want to know, ask me.” I was taken aback by his demand. He looked me in the eyes for the first time in that moment, allowing me to appreciate an iris opaque like espresso, rich with hints of red. I began to wonder if he could even distinguish the pigment of my eyes through the barrier of tears imprisoning it.

“What size shoes do you wear?” The question rolled off my tongue before I recognized how vacuous it must have sounded. What are you thinking?

He chuckled at my spontaneous inquiry and produced that famous smile I had grown quickly accustomed to.
“Eight and a half!” he chirped, a sense of pride evident in his tone.

Why the hell are his feet so small?

“By the way, you did a great job, ***. You’ll hear back from me in a couple of days to let you know if you made it or not.”

I packed away my instrument with shaky hands and delivered a quick smile and wave. I pushed past  the heavy door and into the icy air of the familiar hallway. The narrow space echoed with silence, yet eventually the hushed chatter of a classroom just down the hall played in my eyes like my favorite record. Quiet was never my thing.
I waited for the slow sound of the door sealing shut behind me, and finally, I began to cry.