The Words I Wish I Said | Teen Ink

The Words I Wish I Said

November 30, 2015
By MadisonSophiaClark BRONZE, Glendale, California
MadisonSophiaClark BRONZE, Glendale, California
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

I always struggled with the thought of love being a true or honest admiration of one another that fills the void we’ve all been burdened with by time. Love isn’t rational, it’s a feeling; something that is so indefinable that it’s ironic there is even a word for it. It seems impossible that a single four-letter word can encapsulate the infinite scenarios where it is applied. How can one equate memories of past love with the remnants of heartbreak? The problem with love is that it is an ephemeral sensation. It is subjective, and it is not something you can speculate- months or even years after the fact. Is it even possible or right to define or objectify love? Sure, we have all have felt the physical symptoms: increased heart rate, light-headedness, and a flushed face; but why is it that we try to generalize love in order to have a ubiquitous definition?

Sometimes I wonder if I was really ever really in love, or maybe my heart was just an idiot- like always- and saw something that was never really there to begin with. The feeling is so distant now that it is almost like tying to recount a childhood memory- awaiting the tooth fairy or sitting on Santa’s lap. It is hard to recall any of these events from an unbiased perspective because experience shapes perception of the past. The innocent memory of Santa becomes tainted as we gain clarity for the darkness of reality. All I ever seem to do is let down the people I love. I never seem to live up to any expectation that was ever set for me. If there is even a God I can imagine him sitting up in Heaven with a bowl of popcorn, uncontrollably laughing at the irony, that is my life. What he fails to realize is that the joke is actually on him for even wasting a fraction of his time on someone like me. I have lost everything that I have ever cared about, and it was at that moment when I was left with nothing that I realized Hell isn’t some fiery inferno, it is life- existence. Hell is what we live in, but people are too blinded by the future to see it. Murders, thieves, war, famine, this world we live in is much worse than the abstract concept laid out in Dante’s Inferno. Why is there a universal need to create abstract mythical creatures when the real monsters surround us every single day?

I told myself I’d wait for her, but my heartbreak was just a different version of the same story. Why does one have to be broken-hearted in order to tell a love story? Its funny that the things you once hated become some of the things you miss the most. The ring her coffee cup made on my nightstand table. The smell of Marlboro Reds that seemed to never dull no matter how many times she washed her clothes.

Sometimes the best loves aren’t the ones out of a Nicholas Sparks novel or a Hallmark movie. They are the fluxes, the mishaps; the ones that make you shovel Ben and Jerry’s into your mouth.  Maybe this person isn’t the man or woman you are currently sleeping next to, but it’s the one that got you to that point. The one that broke your heart so someone could help you but it back together.

Most people aren’t even lucky enough to find love once, but I knew from the moment I met her she would be the one that would break my heart. It was kind of like hey if someone were going to have to do it, I would most definitely want that person to be you.

This is my story…

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This article has 9 comments.

Kaylamc711 said...
on Jan. 2 2016 at 10:01 pm
I absolutely love your writing! There is a lot of truth in what you say, and I love how these poems challenge the way most people in society thinks.

Sabrina said...
on Dec. 15 2015 at 2:55 pm
This is beutifully wrote,you have amazing talent cant wait to read more of your work

on Dec. 14 2015 at 2:34 pm
LostAtSeaPoetry, Arlington, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Words Have No Power To Impress The Mind Without The Exquisite Horror Of Their Reality" - Edgar Allan Poe

I would honestly love to have the chance to write a collaboration poem with you one day. You're writing always leaves me stunned. Can't wait to see more!

Krysta said...
on Dec. 9 2015 at 7:52 pm
I think we know what she is trying to tell us

love said...
on Dec. 9 2015 at 6:32 am
I loved reading this for i have been in situation to where my heart as been broken except it was unrequited love.

Unity said...
on Dec. 8 2015 at 4:22 pm
I saw the link to this on your Twitter feed, and congrats for making the first page; though this makes me wanna cry :/ I think you have great writing talent and hope to see more of your work :)
Ciao, Unity

on Dec. 8 2015 at 11:16 am
arion681 BRONZE, Oak Grove, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you, there's a tomorrow. Maybe for you there's one thousand tomorrows, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through your fingers. So much time you can waste it. But for some of us, there's only today. And the truth is, you never really know."

Flippydippy said...
on Dec. 8 2015 at 6:50 am
This is the far best written journal/experience I have read online.It is short but very relatable.

Jas22515 said...
on Dec. 8 2015 at 4:05 am
This was very well-written. You're such a deep person. Definitely can't wait to read more of your posts. You're incredibly talented. I agree one-hundred percent. Onward and upward my friend. (:

Dave said...
on Dec. 8 2015 at 3:13 am
Love brings people together :) you will find that someone girl just believe

keep it up said...
on Dec. 8 2015 at 3:11 am
Hey Madison, this was really interesting and I would love to see more of you. Lots of love.