“In case of emergency, break glass.” For me, an emergency can be a bad day. It can come in the form of sleepless nights, or racing thoughts and bloodshot eyes. Everyone needs a glass to break. So when these things come about, I break out my box.

Inside the unsuspecting cardboard rectangle, I can find happiness, love, and caring. They show their faces in scrawled writing on parchment. I often feel that I have a lack of people and sustainable happiness in my life. Sometimes that’s hard for me, and sometimes it’s not. But when it is, I know exactly which letter to pull out of my white box.

I was once given a letter from my boyfriend. It was Valentines day, and we had just exchanged our gifts. He handed me his card; it was the white silhouette of my favourite character of all time, Sailor Moon. And all it had on it were three words. “I love you.” And even though he says it a lot, the fact that he knew that's all he needed to say brought tears to my eyes. So I put the strangely shaped white letter in to the box, to wait for me to retrieve it and relive that moment over and over when I feel loveless.
A little pink index card with blue ink smudged on the right corner was from my best friend. I found it under my door after some girls had teased me one day in my freshman year. I hadn’t told my best friend about it yet, but she knew something was wrong. She put kindness in to writing and gave it to me. She handed me true compassion and caring like it wasn’t much, but it turned my whole week around. One of my favourite lines reads, “And I know you’re not everyone. You’re your own individual, so please always do what makes you happiest for yourself.” I went to her and hugged her in silence for half an hour. Later, I tucked it away in to the box for another time when I would need a reminder that people who care will come through for me; they know when I need it the most.

If I were to draw all the cards that have cat pictures on them, I can recognize them all as past birthday cards. They mostly wish me a happy 14th, 15th, and 16th birthday. The lines that always spark my strong attachment in friendships are, “You are my tallest friend, therefore you are my SOULMATE.” “Thank you for being there at 2:30 in the morning, and know I’ll be there for you and do the same, always.” “Thank you for existing in my life, and thank you for letting me exist in yours. Happy birthday babe.” I often forget that people need me, and quite frankly, that they even want me. I lose sight of my worth to others, but just seeing these cards and knowing what they say makes me remember that I can bring joy to those I choose to share it with. That’s something that moves me to always work hard and stay loyal to my friends, even if I feel like less of a person than I can be for them.

I almost never read these cards. It’s like each is a magic box. If you peek inside too often, one day you’ll see nothing but an empty box, pitted of it’s once wondrous contents. After the first time I read it, it’s too meaningful to not to try and remember, yet too significant to forget. They all hold so much passion, brimming with love and emotion, and meant for only me. I could be set on fire, and it still wouldn’t warm my soul like my cards. That's why I hold on to them so fiercely. It’s the kind of thing a soul feasts on, and sometimes my soul starves. It feels like a void. It lacks any kindness, love, light, or sense. But if I can pull truly heartfelt feelings from it, they can push me, kicking and screaming, through a life I realize I can occasionally come to love.