Sitting in my chair on my desk I keep thinking why am I writing this. These scrambled thoughts in my mind urge me to get up and go in my dream land where there are no worries or anything, just me. Sitting in a corner and thinking about how my life has turned out right from when I was born. My earliest memories include some major events that took place in my lifelike the most embarrassing moment, my first depressing moment, my first moment of failure. These thoughts keep crossing in my mind why do I only remember these things. Why do I not remember my carefree childhood. If I make a graph on how my life has turned out it’s a straight decreasing slope line. The responsibilities keep increasing in my life. I am ready to take more challenges but what is holding me back, my lack of confidence or my life experiences with other people. It's true that life doesn’t turn out the way it should; but what is the reason behind it, where are we going, what is my goal. There are innumerable questions in my mind but no answers. Are we here for a greater cause. These words are just flowing out of my mind I can't control them but put them here. Is our brain so small to organize these whole many questions. Some things just doesn’t make any sense. People are around us everywhere talking, walking, laughing, crying, studying, thinking, looking, working. What are they thinking or what thoughts are are currently being processed in their mind right now. Why people don’t talk about everything that has been going on with life. Sharing is caring. That what my thinking. I never said no to anyone before but have helped them more. Still I’m writing. Is this what I’m here for. Now my mind feels light. Have I found the answer to my question. Now I have forgotten the question. The weight on my brain has suddenly decreased. Does expressing myself on this document let me keep the important things in my mind. Why is this necessary. It is my will to live free in the world and I must choose what I have to experience. Words flow out of my mind like water falling down a mountain. I can feel the smoothness in my thoughts now. But I’m still here. Still writing. I’m not free yet. The place where I am right now can only be described figuratively. I can't put that in words. Am I writing this to run away from something pressing. I don’t remember anyone or anything pressing me to make an important decision. Is this a choice that I made. Does this make any sense. What do I see around me. I see people on their cellphones, computers trying to do work but how can they work with all these different thoughts in their mind. I can't work more than 30 min but I still pretend to work why. It is because I would fall apart from the environment will I break the flow. Observing people around me makes me curious do people throw away what is around them in their mind and focus on the work they are doing. I’ve already written 538 or more words at this time. Should I stop. My hands are getting slow. Do I feel stupid writing all these things. Is it helping me but in what sense. I am now curious. Am I focused now on this work. Do I realize what I am doing. I see a beam of light. Is this light. Now I forgot what question I was going to frame. Why am I stopping thinking about the light. I can cannot express it in words. But I am trying. Ok. Why did I just write that. Why do I question myself all time. I am still thinking but thinking about what. I cannot think of something clear. I see a web of thoughts in my mind. Which thought is most important. Should I start studying, should I go to my mom whose waiting for me, should I keep writing this. I keep looking fro exciting things to happen but life does not always offer what you want. I should know how to make the best out of it. Wait have I realized something. No its just quote from my subconscious that came out of nowhere> look at  me trying to be all wise and stuff. Why is this so philosophical. It just a simple train of thought why cant it be just a simple thing. Why does it have to be related to something. Am I going mad. No I am not. Is this denial or something else. Madness is something that society does not accept. Not the bad way though. Lets stop here and see what I have done. Its 3 20. Why did I stop or I looked at the time. Why do I have to correct myself. How does y watch look. Am I looking good or no. Or am I just looking like a goofy person pretending to write something here just to look smart. Smartness. What is it. Am I being narcsstic. Why do I look in the mirror. Does that mean I am a narcisstic. I didn’t even know what narcisstic meant until last when I took this psychology quiz. Oh I thought of something and now I have forgotten what I was thinking. Is this the most efficient way to communicate. People are rushing in and out of here. Why do I not care about my grades. Its not not like I don’t want good grades. Am I too smart to study. Let me tell you a secret about me. I always pretend to know things even if I really don’t. Are people trying to read what I am writing right now or they are into their work. I don’t speak Chinese though so I don’t know what they are talking about. Alright stop STOP. Communication is the key to everything why do I say that. Am I stupid or what I feel stupid writing this stuff down but I am still writing. All Questions no answers…. Why did I do that… < this thing right here. Its looks awesome and cool doesn’t it. Who am I talking to. I just referred to someone. Who did I just refer to. An imaginative person? Or an audience?. Is the world around me an audience to me. Alright dude stop it. I feel jealous. I just saw a guy repeatedly kissing a girl on her cheek. I get it you showing public affection f*** off no one cares but I still have questions fro you… No I am not going to write those questions here. I’ll feel embarrassed. Should I read what I just wrote. No I wrote it from my mind so I should remember it all. But I really don’t remember everything word to word what I just wrote. Did I just discard these things from my brain.  I feel I should publish what I just wrote but who cares no one cares . I don’t care when I read what other write about they are thinking or their intuition. So why should they care when I ever try to publish this. To hell with it I don’t even want to publish I’ll just look stupid. Its just random stuff from my brain. Human nature. Let talk about it. What is human nature. How would you define it or how would I define. I am literally talking to myself. But I still see myself as a second person. Is this a different version of me or is it the same person. I just read something that I wrote a few moments ago and its so broken. I was taking about communication and I jumped to my grades. This proves my thoughts are so scattered everywhere. I see the time again. Its now 3 39. Why am I recording the time. Am I done…………… or should I still write. I haven’t checked my phone yet just to see if someone messaged but I know no one has messaged me and I have no notification on Facebook or something. Do I want attention or do I want to be left alone. No I don’t want to be left alone. I haven’t checked yet. Ok lets take a minute here and check my phone. No one its no one but I still checked. I see people AROUND ME TALKING but why do I care about what they are talking. Why is it that I care and I don’t care. This so much more fun than studying. Why isn’t studying fun. I checked my phone again. (human nature). I sound like. What do I even sound like I am not even speaking. I am writing on a word document. The tapping of the keys just gets me excited. Fjvbhhjbhjr. See. fvsv again. I don’t even want to want to go back and check my grammar or spelling. I am, just lazy. I just wrote 1516 words. Alright calm down. Breathe in and breathe out. I just wasted so much time writing this. Did they talked in hindi or gujarati. Yayyyyyy something I understand. But cant listen in properly. No they started talking in English. No hindi or some other language. This is getting boring now. I don’t know what to write. I feel bored something just changed. Why am I leaning in on the computer. Blinking my eyes. Lets see if I can write a poem. Ok here it goes. I see people everywhere doing some stuff they wan to do. LOL the line doesn’t even rhyme but line just rhymed. Yes they are talking in hindi. Why did I stop to listen to them. I don’t wan to listen to what they are talking about. Stop. Stop. Lets read what I just wrote. I just want to see what stupid things I just wrote. Give me a minute I’ll be back. I’m back. Something just hit me a thought or something. Why am I now thinking before I am writhing. My typing pace just got slower.  I am stopping now why did I stop. I want to write but I don’t want to stay here. Let move to another environment. Like the basement. I really wan to go to the basement. Ok I’ll be back. So i'm in the basement now. its kind of lonely. i mean there are people but notwed or something. hmmm thats interesting.  they are just sitting uncomfortably and taking its kind of a small space. its a one person seat. Hahah the guy blinks a lot when he is talking he looks funny. The common question everyone asks a freshman why case. the most uninteresting question which has most interesting answers which are the most common. i don't really wan to write them here. I don't feel like writing everything. so this guy is talking about his fraternity about how he got his bid and is sounds so made up. well so how's it going. why am i asking question to myself. I'm having a lot of people. But i see people talking. so thats fun. there are vending machines here but i am controlling myself from going there and buying a chocolate or something. is that guy being interviewed. I'm having a flashbackf now. i rushed for a fraternity and went to every event they had and got to know every person but didn't get a bid. i felt down and depressed for a few weeks. that brings back memories. it was very bad for me emotionally. I felt like i was going to their events and everything but i felt like they should have said no before their different events because after that i felt like outside of the event that they didn't like something about me ok my heart rate is now increasing i should stop. this just got serious. stop stop. S*** just got deep.!!! 3rd floor was better. i don't really want to remember what happened during my first weeks of this semester. i cant write now. this just completely stupid. i want someone to sit around me. i just read something about fate which sounds like its the only thing i have in my life. I feel like i am missing something but what?.